Saturday, January 12, 2008

Never be afraid ~

I am feeling kinda like I am sitting on that dang pity pot - the pink one - yes it has to be pink, never liked pink until I started designing jewelry, then I got all that "PINK" glass from Mike Frantz ~ ugg ~

I still have not told everyone that Jon isn't here, that he is gone, that ~ OK ~ I will say it, Jonathan died.

Doesn't make me feel any better to type it out, those words of death. I don't really believe he is dead, well at least not in my mind.

I called a friend yesterday with hopes of being able to handle the conversation, well I was wrong. The both of us cried. I am much more lonely on the weekends, it is very hard for me to look at my daughter as I can't bear the fact of loosing her.

I remember that after two years, two flipping years ~ I ran into the nurse who helped me take care of ma when she was dieing of Cancer here at home.

She told me I didn't have to accept the fact that she was gone, dead, not here anymore ~ I just needed to know all I had to do was learn to live with that fact.

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