Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Spread the Word Keep it Moving!

Jon's first love -
It's hard enough to think about him, see pictures, hear stories, or even talk to others about him, but writing about him scares the living shit out of me and I'm not sure why. Maybe because my heart throbs and I get all choked up. Either way, I just want all of you to know that no matter what, he is here.

I believe that he is within each and everyone of us and will remain with us until it is our time to meet with him. Each of us has something unique and different with him that we will remember him by. I know most of you think that I'm just his ex. True, but to be honest, I think of us as best friends who loved and cared for each other more than anyone else whether we made it known to others or not.

We both fought hard through our relationship but despite the breakup and things not working out we still held on to each other somehow. It was hard to do, but we managed to do it well. We kept in touch and knew deep down how we really felt about each other. I loved him more than anything.

We actually thought that one day we'd be married and have kids running around all crazy spraining ankles (Jon) and hungry little hippo's always eating (me). It hurts knowing that he no longer has the chance to fulfill that dream of his. Whether it was supposed to be with me or someone else, it didn't matter it still causes my heart to ache horribly. But it is okay.

As hard as it is to say that, it is. I know it is. Everything happens for a reason and although this was "not supposed to happen" and was truly unexpected to all of us, let's face it...IT HAPPENED. (I can't believe I just said that)
We can now learn from it.

Those of us who take life for granted.

Those of us who don't stand our ground and lend out a shoulder for others who aren't strong enough to lean on.

Those of us who just feel plain lost or lonely in life: YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Jon and I both went through feeling like that for a long time. We talked about it plenty of times but we reminded each other to stay strong and tried to help one another get through it. Who knew Jon and I were so close after the crap that happened between us. I loved him, still do, and always will. As much as I don't want to say this for the public to read, part of me wishes I never left his side as a girlfriend. I did love him, so why didn't I just suck up the crap and stay with him? Sometimes I feel like none of this would have happened. He told me I kept him in check.

Well what the hell? Did I fail? I know it's not my fault. They tell me it's a part of dealing with this and that sooner or later it will pass. I don't know if my heart will ever repair.

When I found out he passed away wearing the cross I bought him in High School I seriously thought my heart stopped beating. Eddie *Jon's step dad* was wearing it and asked if I wanted it back. Of course I did, but I felt that he needed it. Part of me wanted to run away with it crying, but a bigger part of me knew what to do. I let him keep it while teary-eyed. I may eventually get married and continue to live life, but it will never be the same. However I know he will always be with me. Jonny owns a huge part of my heart that no one will ever be able to replace, **Ever**

Keep your heads up high cause he's looking down on us wanting us to smile and take what happened, learn from it,spread the word, and keep moving.

Heather Jae Leeds

A poem I wrote the day before I flew out for the funeral:

In Memory Of Jon

You left without saying goodbye
And we’re not quite sure just why
All I know is it hurts me
And at times I need to cry

But now it’s all too late
I’ll wait till the day I die
To meet you up in heaven
For us again to see eye to eye

We were each others first love
It was so perfect and rare
Although things caused us heartache
You know I always did care

High school sweethearts defines us
We always stuck together
And I want you to know this Jonny
That this love will be forever

You used to call me bub
I always laughed and smiled
I’ll truly never forget
how you used to be so wild

I’ll miss you more than anything
More than words will ever express
But I want you to always remember one thing
I’ll never stop loving you any less

I now have a guardian angel
to always watch over me
His name is Jon McEachern
and he’s taught me all that I could be

I Love you Jon.

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