A day of courage, a day of change for me, the fact that Jonathan is not coming home for dinner tonight, he isn't going to call me, he won't be poking me on Facebook from his computer downstairs and he won't be saying. "I love you "Ma".
I don't have to accept this fact, I just have to learn how to live with this fact.Two things I have found today that may just help parents with children, teens, young adults that have issues with alcohol and drugs. An entire community and a wealth of information can be found here -- I thought I would share this post I found.
"You see a mother should not loose a child, it changes her life forever."Intervention I found out this show was going to air this evening.. May "God" bless this family.
my parents never told me ~
there is a time to grieve
there is a time to breathe
there is a time to wake up
there is a time to go to bed
there is no time to listen to someone tell you when are you going to just STOP!
no, no, no, no, no it won't just stop ~ it will be with you forever
that's why I have such good friends who like to poke me
As of late, I have connected with a few friends from my past ~ a past of the carefree days where my friends & I had freedom with structure~freedom without fear, freedom with hope that our future would be secure ~
I received an email from one of those friends today that I would like to share with you ~ it touched my soul ~ this made me think ~ as I grow old I think back to those days, those days are long gone ~ but the memories shall always be.
~ thank you my old friend for gifting me with your words today~
"I looked through some of the links on your site. ~very insightful~!
A few of my friends passed early due to struggles with booze and or drugs. I also have a few others who managed to turn their life around.
What I have learned is you can only help those ready to accept a helping hand.
Some have a hard time accepting help, either from pride or pain, either way everyone has to reach a point where they must go one way or the other.
Everyone who cares for them hurts if they go the wrong way.
I like to think of help, like giving a gift; there is has much honor in giving a gift as receiving one. For they are both equal... one is not possible without the other"
author undisclosed ~
Yesterday
I picked up a stranger from the train station yesterday, she was recommended by a friend, thought she could help me "organize" ~
On the ride back to the house I found out she had lost her child as well ~ she is a wonderful woman my age from Nigeria ~ we organized, cleaned, scrubbed and shared memories as I put my son's belongings to rest.
He now has clean sheets, a television that works; so that if he ever decides to visit he shall be comfortable ~
Rest well my son ~ you were and always will be my yesterday!
"You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for every day
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes
I never believed until now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday"
Leona Lewis
Yesterday lyrics
Rebbecca,
Merry Christmas ~
I remember the day Jr. took Jon to his first baseball game ~ he got to sit in Ron's chair up in the tower, he sat in the dugout ~
What a good day that was ~
I had a ton of fun growing up with the cubs ~ I had a ton of fun being the referee to all the kids in the neighborhood ~ Merry Christmas "Big Ron" ~
Merry Christmas ~ my "Old Family"
If you feel like giving this holiday season ~
Get involved today with JDRF ~ donate or sign up for a walk near you!
One hundred rides. One destination. A world free of MS.
I have a dear friend - that has MS - Multiple Sclerosis
"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dream are more powerful that fact - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death"
Robert Fulghum
Don't know why I'm telling you this...
"I had a dream of you Jon and his sister. She wasn't in the dream physically.
She was mentioned but you and Jon were there she was away at college.
It seemed so real. It was strange because we knew Jon had passed.
You gave me some clothes to change into and I'm not sure why.
I changed in the room where Jonathan passed which was a small bedroom.
Weird thing is, his body was still in there. He lay there helplessly, but I didn't cry, you woke him up. We talked about how his couldn't go in the room anymore ever since "it" happened.
You went downstairs after waking him up to get him food, then he looked at me and smiled. His speech was all screwed up but I could see he knew exactly who I was and knew he loved me through his eyes and expression. His speech returned to normal and he hugged me and said I love you. You came in with a sandwich and cookies and that was all I could remember. I woke up and felt heartache. I miss him so much.
At the same time, I'm so glad I still dream of him.
It's strange how in a dream when someone is "gone" they can still be alive.
I love you momma. I hope you're doing okay."
It's time; this first anniversary, just around the corner, and so close you can taste it. I am not surprised as I too am experiencing dreams, I hear his voice call to me "ma" it's okay I love you. Just before I lay down to sleep I hear his voice "ma, I love you", comforting yet tearful and so sad.
Do you remember last year all the activity we felt within the house, the incidents? There has been much activitiy in this house as I sit here each day alone. For unknown reasons I collapse and just weep until I can weep no more; and then all of a sudden I feel his presence he is lifting me gently up off the floor.
No, it is not strange; if was him it was not just my mind telling me his is trying to bring me the peace and strength to get through the next few days. This could all be part of our grieving process. As it is my choice to believe that he is hear; I choose that he is here.
It is what I want to believe.
I do often wonder about his other three his three good buddies, [friends] the one's that showed up drunk after the service to pay their respects and to say goodbye one last time, I often wonder if their dreams are nightmares?
I also pray for the other children now that I know that six from the same school, the same age, died this past year. I hope to do something special for all of them, I keep running into so many obstacles. I am only one. I do believe that somehow I will get this done.
October 18th ~
Although her son is gone ~~ she is still so sad ~~ I give this post to my dear friend, who gave me strength with her words this past year ~~ who just listened to me weep that day on the phone in silence with her support ~~
I love you my dear friend ~ never ever forget that ~~ xoxo
Although this post can be interpreted in many ways ~ my intent is to try to comfort her and try to make her have a happy day ~
_________________________________
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Copyright 1952.
What has changed in the past 6 months that have gone by. I ask myself this question in hopes of of releasing myself from the old, the new, and what awaits lurking in the shadows of my own future.
The old ~ Part One
My OLD friends they are gone, they are here but they are gone. They grieve too, and I
understand this. My son, their nephew, their friend, the little boy they held in their arms is dead, he is gone and never coming back in the physical sense they understand. Why they are not communicating with me is their problem and not mine.
What they don't understand is that I shall not bite them, I shall grieve with them, we can help each other. Am I wasting to much time worrying my OLD friends?
No, time is never wasted if you use it wisely. Hope & Peace I wish to my OLD friends ~ they will someday connect back with me ~ when they face their own fears and or demons of grief.
~ I must say goodnight, get a good night sleep ~ so that I may concentrate; as tomorrow is another day.
Something I found interesting ~
Social Smarts ~
Today's children are just not coming into school -- into life -- equipped with adequate social skills and character development that helps them understand that this kind of behavior is simply not OK. They are not taught to respect and value differences among people, in opinions, in actions…
People may argue that social skills education belongs in the home, not in the schools, and I'd be the first to agree. But, our schools have become a war zone, where teachers spend more time disciplining students and trying to keep order than they do teaching! Is it any wonder our schools under-perform? If you were losing 20/30/50% of your average educational time because of behavior issues, how effective do you think you could be?
The “Social Smarts” program emphasizes:
… thinking "beyond oneself"
… kindness and consideration in all dealings with others
… behavior must not only be taught, but also must be practiced and reinforced by example in the family, in schools, and in the child's everyday world.
Rather than dismiss manners and etiquette as old-fashioned, fussy, and irrelevant… we need to return to a more civilized period of behavior, where people are responsible and accountable for their words and actions.
Although the world can be a rough place in which to live, and we cannot always change what others say and do, we can change how we act and speak, and hope that by "keeping our own houses clean" we can serve as positive examples in our homes, our communities, and in the world at large.
(Dr, Keller adds~)
Couldn’t we all use a refresher in proper social skills and frequent reminders of proper manners and proper action?
Teaching these skills and principles in our schools and working with parents to help them reinforce the lessons and working with society (including the media in all its forms) to highlight good examples that will likewise reinforce manners and “good” behavior can help reclaim our future and our future generations. It can improve our society, decrease violence and all its terrible consequences (yes, including death).
[Although I do believe we need a non-proprietary, inexpensive program that is easy to disseminate to all, because all are in need.]
I believe we need to teach our children ~ our children are not invincible ~
1. Denial 2. Bargaining 3. Anger 4. Despair 5. Acceptance
Despair ~
I only pray that one day he will be able to move to another stage ~ he seems to be stuck!
When he is ready he will read ~
Posted by a friend the day our "son" left us ~ November 30, 2007
I am aware that there are already groups out for Jon, but both have improper spelling of his first and last name. I have created this group out of request by his little sister.
____
Jon will be missed by all, forgotten by none, and carried on through each one of us for the rest of our lives. He carried a huge place in a lot of people's hearts, and for that, we must be thankful. Not only has he helped us to learn the power of laughter in sorrowful times, but he has also taught us each to not take life for granted.
Jonathan was an unbelievable son, brother, and friend. He will forever be imprinted in our hearts, and may his soul be carried on forever through the memories we have of him.
Jon is in a better place, where it's safe and sound. He is looking down on each of us, and I know he wants us to all be strong. Jonathan fought until he couldn't fight any longer, and now he's resting in peace.
R.I.P. Jonny boy, we all love you.
Yes, we do love u~
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