Showing posts with label understanding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label understanding. Show all posts

Friday, May 8, 2009

Well, just try walking in my shoes!

I don't believe in coincidence, that is just the way I feel, I was told by someone the other day I was crazy, unstable ~ Who me!

Well, just try walking in my shoes!

If you have lost a loved one and have not found Legacy Connect ~ I highly recommend you do so, it is a part of the Ning Network and is very easy to set up. Of course I am still at a stage of lurkness "so to speak"!


You are able to control your privacy settings, so of course at this moment I am still at a stage of lurkness "so to speak".

I check my email everyday, this one of the email's I received today ~ a day when I really needed to read this!

The article below is one of the many with information you may need to know!

By Russell Friedman and John W. James

For most people, the immediate response to the death of someone important to them is a sense of numbness. After that initial numbness wears off, the most common physiological reaction is a reduced ability to concentrate. The rest of the world goes out of focus. Nothing else is important.

It is normal and natural that your entire being is centered on what happened and your relationship with the person who died. The length of time that the reduced ability to concentrate lasts is individual and can vary from a few days to several months, and even longer. It is not a sign that there’s something wrong with you. The fact that the emotional impact of the death of that person has altered your day-to-day routines is very healthy. It would make no sense for you to not be affected by the death.

It is normal to drift out of focus in response to conscious or unconscious memories of the person who died. Please be gentle with yourself in allowing that your focus is not on the actions of life, but on your reactions to a death.

If you’re at work, you can take little “grief breaks” as needed. It’s a good idea to establish a safe person at work who you can talk to when and if you get overwhelmed. It’s also smart to have a phone pal you can call when the emotions keep you from concentrating. The breaks and chats will make you able to do the work you need to do.

Please keep in mind that it’s important to focus while driving a car. It’s not safe to drive with tears in your eyes. If need be, pull over. Allow yourself to have whatever emotions come up, and maybe call someone and talk for a while before you get back on the road.

When Your Heart Is Broken, Your Head Doesn’t Work Right

Along with not being able to concentrate, your thinking ability and judgment may be limited. That’s why grieving people are advised to be careful about making major life decisions in the aftermath of the death of someone important to them. To put it in simple terms, when your heart is broken, your head doesn’t work right. You must take care either not to make big decisions until you regain your ability to focus, or you must make sure you have people you trust to help you understand your choices and the consequences of what you decide.

There are other common physiological reactions to grief. Sleeping habits are often disrupted for an extended period of time. You may find yourself unable to sleep, or you may not be able to get out of bed. You can even go back and forth between those extremes. Eating patterns are also subject to confusion. You may not be able to eat at all, or you may not be able to stop. You can also ping-pong between those extremes. Sleeping and eating disruptions aren’t as common as the reduced ability to concentrate, but they can be really uncomfortable. If they happen, it also doesn’t mean you’re going crazy. It just means that your routines and habits are out of synch.

Another common grief reaction is best described as a roller coaster of emotions. It can be a wild ride, with tremendous emotional shifts. But, like concentration and the eating and sleeping issues, that roller coaster is one of the typical responses to the death of someone important to you. Don’t fight it, just go along for the ride, no matter how bumpy it might be. When it happens, it’s a good idea to call a friend, and talk about what you’re feeling. Talking about what you’re experiencing helps make sure you don’t trap your feelings inside.

Normal and Natural — Not Crazy

The reduced ability to concentrate; the disruption of sleeping and eating patterns; and the roller coaster of emotions are all normal and natural reactions to death. There is nothing crazy about them or you.

Those reactions usually diminish within time as you adapt to life without the person who died. But time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, nor does it complete anything that may have been left emotionally unfinished when the person died. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of wanting to have said one more “I love you and goodbye.” Sometimes it is a more complex set of communications that would include apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements.

It is always helpful to discover and complete anything that was left unfinished. Doing so will allow you to have fond memories not turn painful. It will also help you remember your person the way you knew them in life. And it will help you continue a life of meaning and value, even though it is altered by the absence of he person who died.

Above all, allow yourself to be out of rhythm. As we said, be careful when you’re driving and be cautious when making major decisions. Be gentle with yourself as you make your re-entry back into the flow of your life. But don’t judge yourself harshly because you are having any or all of the reactions we mentioned.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Words of Comfort ~

You don't just know what to say do you? Trust me I totally understand this - but let me give you a few tips that may help you comfort not just me; but anyone in the same situation.

It is inevitable that during your life time, you will have a loved one die, it is the truth.
This is a fact!

Let's just hope it is not your child.

As I help you I help myself my experience and journey.

  1. Don't ignore the situation or change the subject. Tell me the truth, tell me how you feel.
  2. Ask me how I am feeling today.
  3. Don't compare the death of a person to the death of a pet.
  4. JUST DON'T compare at all. - it's doesn't fit the situation at hand.
  5. Try to answer my questions, if you don't have an answer, don't make one up just say "I don't know." I will understand.
  6. Don't ask me a million questions - unless I want you to. Believe me I will tell you.
  7. Invite me to do fun things. (I think you can figure this one out!)
  8. Stay with me quietly when I am sad or feeling lonesome ~
  9. Don't watch the calendar to see how fast I am grieving. That calendar you are watching does not exist!
  10. Understand this never goes away, send me a hug via email, poke me on face book. If you happen to stop by just give me a hug.
  11. Sometimes, the fact that you know others just think about you makes you get through the day!

That's my story today, and I am sticking to it!