She had a dream ~

Don't know why I'm telling you this...

"I had a dream of you Jon and his sister. She wasn't in the dream physically.
She was mentioned but you and Jon were there she was away at college.
It seemed so real. It was strange because we knew Jon had passed.
You gave me some clothes to change into and I'm not sure why.
I changed in the room where Jonathan passed which was a small bedroom.
Weird thing is, his body was still in there. He lay there helplessly, but I didn't cry, you woke him up. We talked about how his couldn't go in the room anymore ever since "it" happened.
You went downstairs after waking him up to get him food, then he looked at me and smiled. His speech was all screwed up but I could see he knew exactly who I was and knew he loved me through his eyes and expression. His speech returned to normal and he hugged me and said I love you. You came in with a sandwich and cookies and that was all I could remember. I woke up and felt heartache. I miss him so much.
At the same time, I'm so glad I still dream of him.
It's strange how in a dream when someone is "gone" they can still be alive.

I love you momma. I hope you're doing okay."

It's time; this first anniversary, just around the corner, and so close you can taste it. I am not surprised as I too am experiencing dreams, I hear his voice call to me "ma" it's okay I love you. Just before I lay down to sleep I hear his voice "ma, I love you", comforting yet tearful and so sad.

Do you remember last year all the activity we felt within the house, the incidents? There has been much activitiy in this house as I sit here each day alone. For unknown reasons I collapse and just weep until I can weep no more; and then all of a sudden I feel his presence he is lifting me gently up off the floor.

No, it is not strange; if was him it was not just my mind telling me his is trying to bring me the peace and strength to get through the next few days. This could all be part of our grieving process. As it is my choice to believe that he is hear; I choose that he is here.
It is what I want to believe.

I do often wonder about his other three his three good buddies, [friends] the one's that showed up drunk after the service to pay their respects and to say goodbye one last time, I often wonder if their dreams are nightmares?

I also pray for the other children now that I know that six from the same school, the same age, died this past year. I hope to do something special for all of them, I keep running into so many obstacles. I am only one. I do believe that somehow I will get this done.

~ I do ~ I cry ~

It is getting closer, that year, that first year is right around the corner.

Why do I write to you to tell I cry, maybe it will help you or maybe it will help me, all I know at this moment that it comes out of of nowhere those tears, the sobbing, the nightmares.In my lifetime, I have experienced many tragedy's, but i have to tell you there is no greater tragedy than a mother losing a child at any age ~ I shall never ever go one day without thinking about Jonathan, he was/is my child and that bond will never be broken.
I do have to take care of myself and life life as best as I can everyday now for the rest of my life. I am actually not really telling these stories to you, so don't think you are that special. If I don't write things down, I'll forget.

So ~ we all cry ~ and maybe have a laugh together ~ maybe it will help us both!
Laughter - that's another story~ ;)

Let's just cry, just for today! It will in the long run make us stronger, believe it!
So in closing, I did some research, as I believe I was poked to do so!
Click on the links to find out more about how to cope and why you cry ~

Mayo Clinic
Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful emotional memories — experiences in which you vividly recall the feelings and events surrounding your loved ones death. You might remember in great detail where you were and what you were doing, for instance, when your loved one died.

Alternet.org
How Crying Can Make You Healthier ~
"The increasing research into crying and its beneficial health effects may also make shedding tears less of a taboo behaviour. As Professor Frey, author of Crying: the Mystery of tears, points out, it is no accident that crying has survived evolutionary pressures. Humans are the only animals to evolve this ability to shed tears in response to emotional stress, and it is likely that crying survived the pressures of natural selection because it has some survival value,'' he says. "It is one of the things that makes us human.''

Top Story Pioneer Press November 6, 2008 ~ Teen drinking's dangerous

Lake County Coroner Dr. Richard Keller gave a presentation October 28, 2008 during Adlai Stevenson High School located in Lincolnshire, IL, this was part of the schools Red Ribbon Week activities. He spoke to both parents and students about the effects of alcohol and drugs.

This event was covered by reporter Katie Okon of the Pioneer Press, her article made headline news.

"To the parents in the audience ~
Keller stated "Alcohol is a big problem. We are seeing more and more of that at a younger age."

"You cannot scare your kids into behaving, but if you give them the facts 10, 20, 50 times, it sinks in."
Read the rest of the story here ~