Living without him ~

Seems like yesterday when they took him away you wake up one day and wonder where or where did this past year go ~ This is all so unreal to me, much harder now than it was over a year ago.

Most of his Jon's friends have either moved on or are still in denial, my friends they come and go.

I have started to weed through the house, it is a cleansing experience that is not making me a happy camper. My refrigerator looks cleaner than when I purchased it!

His slippers finally moved from where they lie that day. His clothes put away nice and tidy, and yes, I smelled every shirt, every pair of pants, and even his socks ~ His TV works, his bed is made and his chair will stay put. Jonathan was young and did not have many belongings, this are my memories as I finally lay him to peace in this house.

As, I go through these days one day at a time, each day brings on a new experience, my life has forever changed and will never be the same as it was before. I am getting to the point of acceptance that learning to live with the fact that Jonathan is gone ~ forever! Yet, he still lives in my heart, my surroundings and always within my soul.

I do get out a little more, it is a very scary experience. I ventured out yesterday to run an errand which was near the pediatric dentists' office where I took all my children. I took a big step opened the door and low and behold, she was standing behind the desk.

When I was 9 years old, we used to eat peanut butter sandwiches together at her house, giggling so hard that milk came out of our noses ~ O~So~Gross ~

She didn't know, we talked we hugged & I told her to teach her children, I told her to make sure she scared him straight, as I did not want her to experience what I am experiencing now -

A mother should not lose a child before her eyes ~

8 ball

It's just not a pool game any more ~ they call it 3.5 grams of cocaine!

Teach your kids at an early age!
Be a responsible parent
Learn educate yourself
Slang - learn it!

IT's Not ThaT Hard to Do ~ It Does NOt TakE that MuCh time Out of Your dAy~

Sit down in a quiet place, close your eyes and imagine what your WORLD would be without your child ~

Enough said from me ~ get more information from the DOC ~ he has the hard core facts ~

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away ~

Yesterday

I picked up a stranger from the train station yesterday, she was recommended by a friend, thought she could help me "organize" ~
On the ride back to the house I found out she had lost her child as well ~ she is a wonderful woman my age from Nigeria ~ we organized, cleaned, scrubbed and shared memories as I put my son's belongings to rest.
He now has clean sheets, a television that works; so that if he ever decides to visit he shall be comfortable ~
Rest well my son ~ you were and always will be my yesterday!

"You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for every day
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes
I never believed until now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday"

Leona Lewis
Yesterday lyrics