November is National Adoption Awareness Month

Could it be possible that maybe my destination on this new journey is to help other not necessarily "like in kind". Just bringing factual information, events from organizations, people bigger than I can ever be. If they can make a difference than why can't I pay it forward for them? You see, I have days that I sit wonderment of what shall I do next, what should I eat, should I, could I; YES, yes I can do it.

November is not so much a good month for me as soon it will be three years.
Gone he has been gone three years. I have my good days and I have my drop down "UGLY" days.
Just like any other mother who has lost a child.

You don't go get over it, you go through it.

Back in 2006 I had a website with a friend dedicated to designing and creating adoption awareness handmade jewelry for "The Dave Thomas Foundation" and "Wendy Wonderful Kids" through The Dave Thomas foundation donating the proceeds to these children. I donated my time to a wonderful organization in Wisconsin working with great woman. "Adoption Resources of Wisconsin"

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"You could save a life and possible change yours"

In the United state over 114,000 plus children are in foster care, and they are waiting for good homes and a loving family. These children have been removed from their homes for so many reasons. Children of child abuse, abandonment, neglect, or just thrown out on the streets.

I found this poem it made me cry....

My Pillow

As I lay on my pillow
with my eyes shut I think
and wonder while I dream.
I lay on my pillow as I get beaten
my body sore and I’m in pain,
As I lay on my pillow
I think about the future and what it holds.
As I lay on my pillow I think about where
God is going 2 send me.
I lay on my pillow dying from stress that a young girl shouldn’t have.
My pillow is full of tears. Asking God am I safe.
Lying on my pillow I cry because I want mom.
Wondering where is she.
As I lay on my pillow I fade away slowly but surely!
Lying on my pillow
As an angel!! --Thelma Gafford. 7/13/06
The above poem taken from "
Our Voices Cook County Public Guardian"


Friday November, 19, 8:00 am
10201 W. Watertown Plank Rd.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

A celebration event for the families who are having an adoption finalization at the
Children's Court Center (Vel R. Phillips Juvenile Justice Center)).
Breakfast brunch will be available for the families as well as other activities such as coloring and other. Backpacks stuffed with toys, books and blanket and other gifts for the children being adopted.

An statement from a friend to me:
(It isn't all about me, it is about people giving back and paying it forward)

Vonna is Hero Today
She (like many others here) is a true & loyal friend.
She listens to me whenever I need to vent or cry or even scream & she always calms me down enough to see things clearly.
It doesn't matter how much time has passed between our contact with each other,
our friendship never falters.
She never fails to make me laugh.
She's not afraid to yell at me when I need it (lol) and she gives advice with a gentle heart.
She's trustworthy and her word is her bond.
I love you Vonna.
And I am so very glad that you are my friend. ♥

I never thanked her.. Now I do!


♥ You can donate for adoption and just by a cute bear too!

Author Unknown

"A ray of sunshine, a balmy breeze.
Are a gift from God above
And He also gives us faithful friends.
To warm our hearts with love"
Author Unknown

Grief it's Complicated OCT 27, 2010

How time sure does fly by. Fall is among us, and do I dare say that the winter months are slowly approaching. Those dreadful months of most of us when it's cold, dreary and the sun sure doesn't shine. By Jamie Sotonoff Daily Herald Staff 9/30/2010

What began as a few suburban moms fed up with the community's unorganized efforts toward drug education and prevention has evolved into the new Ela Coalition Against Youth Substance Abuse.The coalition is composed of roughly two dozen high-ranking police, school and business leaders from around the Lake Zurich area, as well as a doctor, social service administrators, parents and local PTO presidents.

Coalition member and Lake Zurich Police Chief Patrick Finlon says the group is compiling data on the use of substances like alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs and heroin among young people in the area.

"What we're really trying to do here is identify the substances being abused, and then educate the parents. Awareness is a big part of this. Not fear, but knowledge," he said. "What the problem boils down to is availability. We'll develop strategies to reduce availability."

Educating young people about these substances is another goal, said coalition member Susan Kostner, an alcohol and drug counselor and the clinical director of Ela Township's social work program.
"We're also looking at the kids doing positive stuff, and how to keep them staying positive and making them role models in the community," she said. "We have to get people involved."

The coalition was formed this summer after a standing-room-only drug education forum at Lake Zurich High School in February. The idea was to study the problems and see what ideas realistically can be put into action.

"Forums are great. People get excited and riled up, but then what? This (coalition) gives people an opportunity to get organized to address the issues," said Liz Nelson, a coalition member and a community health specialist with the Lake County Health Department.

Ideas being discussed include drug testing in area high schools, crackdowns on underage liquor sales, and educating parents about things to watch for to make sure their children aren't using drugs.
The group also is planning an educational forum for parents Oct. 27 at Lake Zurich High School, to be held in conjunction with Red Ribbon Week. The schools and businesses are getting involved, encouraging people to wear the color red, displaying fliers promoting the event, and working to increase awareness about drugs in the suburbs.

"Everyone has just rallied around this issue," Nelson said.

Drugs are a chronic problem across the Chicago area.

Recent headlines include a "Dial-A-Rock" crack and cocaine operation in Arlington Heights, an indoor pot farm in Woodstock, a "historically large" methamphetamine bust in Aurora, and a record number of heroin-related deaths in Lake County.

Roosevelt University released a study this summer that ranked the suburbs among the worst nationally for heroin-related problems. The report found a spike in the number of heroin overdoses in the collar counties up 130 percent in Lake County in the last decade, up 150 percent in three years in McHenry, and up 100 percent in just two years in Will.

As a result of all this, many communities across the suburbs, including Barrington, Mundelein and Des Plaines, have formed coalitions to address these issues. Lake Zurich's is the newest addition.
"It is in our backyard and there are kids from Lake Zurich who have died. But we have to take it a step at a time," Kostner said.
Michelle Hines, the Lake Zurich mom who spearheaded the effort for the initial forum that led to the Ela coalition's creation, applauds her community for not trying to sweep the problems under the rug.
Instead, she said, a lot of people are ready to face them head-on.

Raising awareness and education is the key, she said.

"Not every community is willing to do this," Hines said. "It is time-consuming ... but it only takes one person to get it started. It's not all me; it's the community. We were called to come together, and we came. We just have to keep it rolling."

Anyone interested in becoming involved is invited to attend the next meeting, at 10 a.m. Monday at Ela Town Hall, 1155 E. Route 22, in Lake Zurich. For information about other upcoming meetings, call Kostner at (847) 540-8380.

NEWS FLASH! No Child shall be left behind!

To much to read to much to investigate -- but what I have seen on 60 minutes tonight makes me happy!
Just wanted to share.. Unbelievable amount of money they have donated globally for the children of our future! Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation

Courage, Change & Acceptance

A day of courage, a day of change for me, the fact that Jonathan is not coming home for dinner tonight, he isn't going to call me, he won't be poking me on Facebook from his computer downstairs and he won't be saying. "I love you "Ma".

I don't have to accept this fact, I just have to learn how to live with this fact.

Two things I have found today that may just help parents with children, teens, young adults that have issues with alcohol and drugs. An entire community and a wealth of information can be found here -- I thought I would share this post I found.

"We’ve heard that necessity is the mother of invention and that change emerges when you can’t keep doing something the same way.  Mental balance is sometimes that necessity.  Positive change and acceptance are more than just talking and coping.  It’s not necessarily as complicated as it sounds.  Change in context to acceptance is powerful and it takes courage to break through the destructive patterns that are in the way.  Change is born of courage. Acceptance is what we give something we know we are powerless with.  Wisdom is knowing that difference.  In a nut shell, that’s the serenity prayer.  It has served those impacted by the actions of an addict as much as it has any addict." 
August 17, 2010 Intervene Blog Post - read the rest of the story

"You see a mother should not loose a child, it changes her life forever."

Intervention I found out this show was going to air this evening.. May "God" bless this family.

"Tormented as a child and viewed as a failure by his father, Joe turned to getting high as a way out at an early age.

Comcast has an online TV listing schedule.
Check your Cable Network Listings for your area.
7:00 PM on A & E TV August 30th 2010

A thought while writing the book.

Drugs have the power to both destroy and heal.
When we speak honestly and openly with our children about drugs.
It's a win win situation as they can change our world into the future.

Eric Carle's Dragons Dragons & Other Creatures That Never Were.

Special Stories within the books of his belongings!

Mermaid Undersea

Beneath the waters
Green and cool
The mermaids keep
A swimming school.

The oysters trot;
The lobsters prance;
The dolphins come
To join the dance.

But the jellyfish
Who are rather small
Can't seem to learn
The steps at all.

"Marchette Chute"

As I stumbled through that first day back home deciding to organize his belongings; the story above was marked in this book by him.  My desire to seek the truth shall never stop. I shall continue to heal as I speak my peace. You may think I am wrong you may think I am right, this is your choice. This post is my own an interpretation, my opinion of the thoughts the feelings my son had within his soul.
"that only a mother could know"

If you look up the definition of a jellyfish you will find a wealth of factual information, stories, quotes, books, pictures and much more.
This is what I found, this is what smacked me upside the head!
Taken from:
Medusa-Truth he makes an appeal to Maya-Lie."
—Jack London, The Mutiny of the Elsinore

"The profoundest instinct in man is to war against the truth; that is, against the Real. He shuns facts from his infancy. His life is a perpetual evasion. Miracle, chimera and to-morrow keep him alive. He lives on fiction and myth. It is the Lie that makes him free. Animals alone are given the privilege of lifting the veil of Isis; men dare not. The animal, awake, has no fictional escape from the Real because he has no imagination. Man, awake, is compelled to seek a perpetual escape into Hope, Belief, Fable, Art, God, Socialism, Immortality, Alcohol, Love.

My son was not heard, my son would not speak... his decision to journal his life was his choice. Yet that next tomorrow never came.

A poem for my children who are still here.

A Mother's Poem
I found for Katie & Michael

A Mother's Child by Mom

A mother's child is every breath that she takes, walking hand in hand, they are every step that she makes. And as their steps will grow to strides, still a child, in mother's eyes.

Every ache and pain they shall feel, mother will share and with love she will kneel. She will pray to God to take care of her child, to protect and guide them through every mile.

Her child is the very core of her soul, from baby in arms to an adult they will grow. For to a mother, her child will stay, the precious infant she held that day.

(c) 1999 Mom Please respect the rights of the author and Passions in Poetry. If you would like to use this poem on your own web page, please contact the Author. Thank you. 

Poems for the People   -  Poems by the People

"The Myth of Getting Over It." Steven Kalas

The following story was shared with me yesterday. I urge you to read this post in it's entirety.  Looking from the outside into a world he does not know. He truly hit the nail on the head!  

[quoted text] When our first child is born, a loud voice says, "Runners, take your marks!" We hear the starting gun and the race begins. It's a race we must win at all cost. We have to win. The competition is called "I'll race you to the grave." I'm currently racing three sons.

I really want to win. Not everyone wins.

I'm soon going on stage to speak before a crowd of parents and loved ones impacted by the death of a child. My address is titled, "The Myth of Getting Over It." It's my attempt to answer the driving questions of grieving parents: When will I get over this? How do I get over this? You don't get over it. Getting over it is an inappropriate goal, an unreasonable hope. The loss of a child changes you. It changes your marriage. It changes the way birds sing. It changes the way the sun rises and sets. You are forever different. You don't want to get over it. Don't act surprised. As awful a burden as grief is, you know intuitively that it matters, that it is profoundly important to be grieving. Your grief plays a crucial part in staying connected to your child's life. To give up your grief would mean losing your child yet again.

If I had the power to take your grief away, you'd fight me to keep it. Your grief is awful, but it is also holy, and somewhere inside you, you know that. The goal is not to get over it. The goal is to get on with it. Profound grief is like being in a stage play wherein suddenly the stagehands push a huge grand piano into the middle of the set. The piano paralyzes the play. It dominates the stage. No matter where you move it impedes your sight lines, your ability to interact with the other players. You keep banging into it, surprised each time that it's still there. It takes all your concentration to work around it, this at a time when you have little ability or desire to concentrate on anything.  

The piano changes everything. The play must be rewritten around it. But over time the piano is pushed to stage left. Then to upper stage left. You are the playwright, and slowly, surely, you begin to find the impetus and wherewithal to stop reacting to the intrusive piano. Instead, you engage it. Instead of writing every scene around the piano, you begin to write the piano into each scene, into the story. You learn to play that piano. You're surprised to find that you want to play it, that it's meaningful, even peaceful to play it.

Written by a man, his name Steven Kalas, not a bereaved parent, which is amazing in itself. Steven C. Kalas, M.Th. Born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona, Steven graduated from Northern Arizona University with a B.S. in Psychology and earned his Masters in Theology at Southern Methodist University.

Blog Post for May 17, 2010

Loosing a child is devastating and living with this loss at sometimes unbearable. Life’s took a turn and as my son; despite his ongoing efforts to get away from this disease of alcohol & drug addiction died making just one bad choice. Many journals he left, many stories he told. Over Two and a half years after the fact, certain circumstances change, this blog will continue. This disease of drug addiction and alcoholism sees no color, no gender, no age, nor income bracket; it brings its death to those we love. It is a simple matter perhaps, but dwells in our back yards. These are "The Children of our Future" – in my words enough said for today

“Everyday Miracles – Holy Moments in a Mother’s Day"

The following was sent to me the other day from my friend Debra. I am grateful for her friendship and thought I would share as no matter how hard you think it is to get through this day. "Grief is Important"
Debra had a good friend of hers read this at MargaretAnn's funeral.

It Will Change Your Life

By Dale Hanson Bourke

“Everyday Miracles – Holy Moments in a Mother’s Day” 1989

Time is running out for my friend. We are sitting at lunch when she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of “starting a family. What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown and she is being forced to consider the prospect of motherhood.

"We’re taking a survey,” she says, half joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?” “It will change your life,” I say carefully, keeping my tone neutral.

“I know,” she says. “No more sleeping in on Saturday, no more spontaneous vacations…” But that is not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her.

I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound to raw that she will be forever vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking, “What if that had been my child?” That every plane crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will look at the mothers and wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think she should know that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will immediately reduce her to the primitive level of a she-bear protecting her cub.

That a slightly urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation.  That the anger she will feel if that call came over a lost toy will be a joy she has never experienced.
I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.

She might successfully arrange for childcare, but one day she will be waiting to go into an important business meeting, and she will think about her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure he is all right.

I want my friend to know that everyday routine decisions will no longer be routine. That a visit to McDonald’s and a five-year-old boy’s understandable desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s will become a major dilemma.  That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the restroom.

I want her to know that however decisive she may be at the office, she will second guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same way about herself.  That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not so much to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his.I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My friend’s relationship with her husband will change, I know; but not in the ways she thinks.; I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to always powder the baby or who never hesitates to play “bad guys” with his son. I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my modern friend could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried desperately to stop war and prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my child's future. I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your son learn to hit a baseball. I want to capture for the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real that it hurts.

My friend’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.
“You’ll never regret it,”  I say finally. Then I reach across the table, and squeezing my friend’s hand, I offer a prayer for her and me land all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way in to this holiest of callings.

Debra Smith-Andersen  CEO/Founder
margaretannsplace

My own daughter was born the day after Mother's Day, a miracle, a holy moment an experience I shall never regret. "Happy Mother's Day many blessings and peace to all of you."

Is a heroin overdose painful?

I really don't know the answer to that question all I know is that Jonathan is gone two and a half years today and I am "ANGRY" - I am angry that he really isn't coming home. He didn't just go off to college, he didn't travel the world, he hasn't called in a very long time; and the memory's are coming back, the painful one's of the day that changed my life as a mother forever!

A friend of mine were conversing the other day, what she said to me stunned me, as she has lost a child as well. I am grateful that we spoke that day. This is what she said.

Anger is part of the grief you feel, along with sadness, frustration and guilt. Those feelings are all normal and eventually the grief will fade and become part of who you are!

I hope someday soon, I will be far along enough in my journey to be able to take her words and apply them to my feelings. Right now, I don't want this to be part of who I am; I want my baby back, my son that wasn't meant to die. Maybe the answer is yes it is painful to overdose on heroin when a mother has to loose her son to a senseless accidental overdose. I would not wish this new journey I follow on anyone
_______________________________________________________________
I found this article and the link is below! The verb age is a tad bit raw, just saying, just in case.


All that I know on the subject I know first hand... I'm a recovering heroin addict, and have, on more than one occasion, overdosed. From pricking the skin, jacking it and then finally mainlining it you feel little pain... about six or seven seconds later a rapturous rush comes over you like never before amazing too amazing
It's at that point that you think

"Whoa... maybe I did a little too much..."

Unfortunately, that's all you have time to think... now what you don't know is that you've passed out from the drugs unrelenting assault on your entire system... soon your breathing will slow and eventually you're heart will stop.

Very, very painless "And then you're dead! Perfect and painless!" In fact the bliss that one would feel before they died of a heroin overdose would be immense not painful.

But let's roll back to right after you shot up and got that explosive rush:

One of your buddies showed up and saw you barely breathing on the bathroom floor..

Being the smart guy that he is, he called EMS and now they've got you in the back of the truck while they prep that' god-awful narcotic antagonist that's about to go it you. At this point you're still barely breathing, drawing shallow, gurgley breaths while drool dribbles out one side of your mouth. You're extremities have turned purple and hair is now completely matted down with sweat. It is now time for them to administer the shot. Within seconds you reawaken to find yourself in a state of utter confusion and sudden, horrendous agony.  You're heart is racing and nausea sets in... As you spew vomit into the bucket the EMS has provided you, all the while the only thing going through your mind at this point is, "Holy Sh*t... I went from feeling amazing to truly wanting to die... how the H*LL did this happen?"

Honestly, that is the worst pain in the world when they bring you back from an overdose it's countering the effects of a drug that was made to treat the pains of certain amputees or grievously injured men during the war (a.k.a. morphine).

So, in conclusion, an overdose from heroin is not painful being revived most definitely is and if one should find themselves experiencing that pain they should consider themselves lucky! Credit to the above posting was found on WIKIANSWERS
Like I stated above, I would not wish this journey of mine on anyone. Mom's hug and talk to your kids. Kids, hug and talk to your mother, stay safe make good choices -- do the right thing. Peace to you my angel, Peace to you today!

“Because that is what I do.”

SPIDERS

There is a story about a kind, quiet man who went each morning to the river to refresh his spirit. One day while there, he saw a poisonous spider struggling in the water and he picked it up in his cupped hands a moved it to shore. As he placed it on the ground it stung him. Thankfully, the poison did not affect him lethally as it might have.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day, the kind man was knee deep in the river and, sure enough, there was the spider, legs frantic in the water. As the man went to lift the spider yet again, the spider said, “Why do you keep lifting me? Can’t you see that I will sting you every time, because that is what I do?” And the kind man cupped his hands around the spider lifting it back to safety, replying, “Because that is what I do.”


The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life ...
By Mark Nepo

Pain just and Opinion

Just an Opinion -
People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all.
People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts.

Feelings are disturbing.
People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous.
Pain is meant to wake us up.

People try to hide their pain.
But they’re wrong.
Pain is something to carry, like a radio.

You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it.
That’s what matters.
Pain is a feeling.
Your feelings are a part of you.

"Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

"Jim Morrison"

Break on Through: The Life and Death of Jim Morrison

Thank you Chrystal

I remember when we spoke one day over 2 years ago maybe you don't remember me. That is okay! So many mother's with tears. I remember when my daughter attended your sons funeral and how sad she was, then just few month's later my daughter had to attend her brother's funeral.

I am sorry for your loss. I am grateful for all you have done to speak out about this horrific tragedy.

Gone to soon, they are all gone to soon!

Scroll down to read the rest of the story!

Visit Nick's website
Staring up at the new billboard she had installed on Milwaukee Avenue in Wheeling, Chrystal Beinlich starts to cry.

"If this doesn't get their attention, I don't know what will," the Lincolnshire mother says, as she wipes a tear off her cheek and a friend wraps an arm around her shoulder. "If we have to be in people's faces, we will."

The billboard, which went up Monday, urges parents to talk to their children about heroin and offers free drug-testing kits at nickbeinlich.com. It's Beinlich's latest effort to educate parents about heroin's growing presence in the suburbs, which has been her mission since her 18-year-old son, Nick, died of an overdose in 2007.

Getting parents' attention has been difficult and frustrating, she said, because of a prevalent not-my-kid mindset.

Parents took every precaution to protect their children from H1N1 swine flu, which killed 76 people statewide this year. Yet, heroin killed more than 100 people in the suburbs alone in 2009 and Beinlich said it seems as if hardly anyone blinked. Drug educational forums put on by several suburban high schools and police departments drew only a few dozen people each.

"There's blood running in the streets, but no one's paying attention. They just walk over it like it's a puddle," said Lea Minalga, a Geneva mom whose son is a recovering heroin addict. She now runs Hearts of Hope, a group that helps families deal with drug addiction. "I (tell parents), 'Do you understand that unless you're prepared, this could happen to you?' They think it can't happen to them, so they tune out."

The Rest of the Story!

Tribune Article Part II "The unrelenting power of Heroin

My son did not know! I did not know.

Do your children know how powerful Herion is an how available it is in your own backyard?
This is a sad situation, get yourself involved in your community, make a difference this coming new year!


"This is how powerful heroin is."Street Drugs A Drug Identification Guide

In September 2007, 18-year-old Nick Beinlich overdosed on it in the Buffalo Grove home of his Stevenson High School classmate Matt McGovern and never regained consciousness, dying five days later.

Four months later, River Forest police found McGovern in a shopping center parking lot, slumped over the steering wheel of his car with a needle dangling from his arm.

Just think about that. A friend essentially died in his house, and that didn't stop McGovern from using. It wasn't enough to scare him straight, wasn't enough to shame him straight, wasn't enough to force him to face his addiction.

A friend essentially died in his house, and yet, McGovern went back to heroin. Just think about that.

But the power of heroin didn't stop there.

In September 2008, another Stevenson friend of McGovern's, 18-year-old Phil Capone of Vernon Hills almost died of an overdose, saved only because his mother found him unconscious in time to summon medical help.

Then in April this year, another Stevenson friend, 19-year-old Eddie Sivkov of Buffalo Grove, died on the floor of his bathroom a few months after completing a two-week rehab program.

And two months after that, Lincolnshire police arrested McGovern and charged him with possession of heroin after an auto accident. The 20-year-old driver of the car in which McGovern was riding also was allegedly high on heroin.

Two months after a second friend had died. Less than a year after a third friend almost died. And if the police account is correct, McGovern was still on heroin.

If you're clean, you ask yourself, how could that be? Two high school friends die. Another almost dies. You're arrested once. With all of that happening, who in his right mind would still be using? How could that be?

The answer, unfortunately, is simple. Someone with a heroin addiction isn't in his right mind.

As Jamie Sotonoff's reports sharply described last week, we're facing an epidemic of heroin abuse in the suburbs and in our schools. And it's leaving death and shattered lives in its wake.

Much more needs to be done to combat it. More attention and more funding is needed to try to get addicts off it.

But as McGovern's story clearly illustrates, the most effective way to get off heroin is to never get on it in the first place.

That's a message our community and our schools and parents need to underscore ~ read the article

U Tube Pink Glove Fundraiser - Med Line Money Million Mark Mammograms

I thought I would share this a friend of my mine posted this on one of the forums I frequent ~

This is the note she posted.

"Our daughter-in-law, created, directed and choreographed this in Portland last week for her Med-line glove division as a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness. This was all her idea to help promote their new pink gloves. I don't know how she got so many employees, doctors and patients to participate, but it started to really catch on and they all had a lot of fun doing it.

When the video gets 1 million hits, Med-line will be making a huge contribution to the hospital, as well as offering free mammograms for the community. Please check it out. It's an easy and great way to donate to a wonderful cause, and who hasn't been touched by breast cancer?"

Enjoy your Thanksgiving Holiday!


Pink Glove Dance

If it makes me happy!

Waking up is happy & difficult to do, especially when you realize it will be almost two years since that horrific day that changed my life forever. I continue on this crazy ride of emotions from feeling very sad to very happy. (Not working in over 5 years doesn't make it easy either!)
No ~ I am not depressed, no I am still not crazy yet, and no I am not going through the change. Maybe just a tad slow to realize certain pieces of this puzzle.

WHO KNOWS! What the next year will bring.
Let me tell you what is is like for me, getting a double whammy smack me upside the head girlfriend slow down duh moment.

RESULTS ~
Whammy number #1
Thursday evening of this week the Bead Society of Greater Chicago had their annual election. Mind you I knew I was on the slate as I was nominated. I have been their Vice President of Programming for a year now. I had a lovely afternoon looking for a new facility to house our meetings with the current President. Actually, I had a lovely afternoon circling O'Hare airport while she scoped the new place.  I shall admit one of my minor flaws is giving the gas companies more money; I got lost again. I tell ya, I just have no sense of East, West, North, South.

Whammy #2
Back in June of this year I decided to join in on the juried collaboration project together with
Michigan Glass Beadmakers Guild to create a piece with a Jewelry Designer I had never met, as I am a member of Glass Act another organization that is non-profit in MI.

Ladies and Gentlemen the votes have been counted and the results are in.

Whammy #2
The piece that was entered in the jury show took 3rd place YAY!
Whammy #1
What will the future bring!

Sheryl Crow seemed to sum up my feelings best ~

"I've been long, a long way from here
Put on a poncho, played for mosquito's,
And drank til I was thirsty again
We went searching through thrift store jungles
Found Geronimos rifle, Marilyn's shampoo
And Benny Goodman's corset and pen

Well, o.k. I made this up
I promised you I'd never give up

[Chorus]
If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?"

Sad, not really ~ just a little dumb struck.

The Bead Society of Greater Chicago ~
Join, have fun, meet new peeps, share your stories!

Whether it be a grief group, beading group, reading group, on line forum ~ any group!
It's thearpy for me - That's what makes me happy today!

This is going to be a lot of work as a volunteer position, but down the road this will be good for me, having a job ~ keeping me busy. This is what I can do for me. To make my days go by with more happiness, I think!

PS: if you are in the local area, - join volunteer, let's make some history for the love of beads!

Edited: Update on positition of my presidency position of the Bead Society of Greater Chicago - I resigned before the new year.

The why does not matter if it makes me happy it can't be that bad; in life you have to take care of you.

A Hug Certificate for You!

She wrote to me : LET'S SEE WHO READS THEIR EMAIL

A Hug Certificate for You!

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.

This is a Hug Certificate!!

Send One to All Your Friends Who You Think Deserve A Hug
(Which, Hopefully Includes the Person Who Sent It to You).

You might send it to your enemies as well!
It'll really tic 'em off!

If you receive this back 2 times . You're off to a good start,
Unless you sent it to yourself. That's cheating!
If you receive this back 3 times. You're a good friend.

If you receive this back 4 times
..... You are popular I wanna be just like you.
If you are busy or do not forward items, I understand,
you are still my good friend.

If you receive this back 5 times or more,
There are angels watching over you..

Life is a coin, you can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my parents never told me

my parents never told me ~

there is a time to grieve
there is a time to breathe
there is a time to wake up
there is a time to go to bed

there is no time to listen to someone tell you when are you going to just STOP!

no, no, no, no, no it won't just stop ~ it will be with you forever
that's why I have such good friends who like to poke me

Grief Support After the Death of a Child

“The Compassionate Friends is about transforming the pain of grief into the elixir of hope. It takes people out of the isolation society imposes on the bereaved and lets them express their grief naturally. With the shedding of tears, healing comes. And the newly bereaved get to see people who have survived and are learning to live and love again.”
—Simon Stephens, founder of  The Compassionate Friends

just type in your zip code after clicking on here ---------> -xxxxxx

black elk

Found a card in my mailbox today from a woman I admire so very much.

"Grown men may learn from very little children, for the hearts of little children are pure, and, therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss."

Credit - CL's Kids cards 2009 collection - created by Primary School Students on the Pine Ridge Reservation.

Nicholas Black Elk a famous Wichasha Wakan (Medicine Man or Holy Man) He participated at about the age of twelve in the Battle of Little Big Horn of 1876, and was wounded in the massacre that occurred at Wounded Knee in 1890.

I am attending the Drug Forum at the Buffalo Grove High School this evening, but the way things are panning out in the news lately ~

WHO is listening to the children?

Buffalo Grove Community Forum – Drug Abuse October 7, 2009

Found on the Web --- Village of Buffalo Grove Website
Buffalo Grove Community Forum – Drug Abuse

The Buffalo Grove School Safety Partnership is joining forces with Stevenson and Buffalo Grove High Schools to sponsor a community-forum on drug abuse at 7:00 pm, Wednesday, October 7, 2009. The forum will be held in Buffalo Grove High School’s theater at 1100 W. Dundee Road, Buffalo Grove, IL 60089. This event is part of a regional effort to increase awareness and understanding about illicit drug activity, particularly the use of heroin, and its consequences to parents of high school-aged students.

Anyone interested in attending the forum is asked to RSVP please visit the link as you need to call or Email the Buffalo Grove Police Commander, Steve Husak.

It was supposed to get easier!

I thought I would start to feel better after the first year anniversary after Jonathan died but, instead the nightmares, the fears and the memories of the last three months I lived runs like a movie in my head so clear and so profound. I am not in survival mode anymore, it more like "HELP ME" I am sinking. Now what am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? The rest of my life without him.

Accept the reality that I can not hug him, work through the pain I feel in my heart, adjust the environment that I live in now with all of his pictures still plastered all over the walls! Move from this house in order to heal myself - I don't think so!

My love for Jon shall never go away, he shall not be forgotten.

I do know I have to continue on as he would want me to succeed in life and to continue on my journey this new journey I lead. Educating, supporting my friends of like in kind trying to forge through the horrendous tasks of mourning together may help may help me rekindle my desire to live, thrive, and to survive!

I have my younger daughter and my older son, whom I love so very very much. They are in pain as well, they will come back to me someday.  Right now as they grieve within the life they lead today has this enormous weight of physical sadness. I know - I can see - I can feel it.

Sad thing about our family is that we have all grieved separately through all of this, we all are fumbling through this mess.

We will all make it - we will all survive - we have too ~ for Jonathan..

Just a side note ~ I am still pissed off at him that he did not say goodbye.


We did have lunch together that day! See after all she wrote she had a positive memory to share - go figure.


WORK THROUGH IT YOU CAN DO IT!

He didn't say "goodbye"

I am so not watching TV anymore!
Snap out of it will ya! -- Bad weekend 

Good Grief Bad Grief what is the difference?

Good Grief Bad Grief what is the difference?

Friendship & Understanding.

I am sad - I am angry, I am ~ I don't know what I am ~

I wrote to a friend to apologize for not remembering to do something ~ this is what she wrote to back.

Vonna ~ absolutely no apologies necessary; not between us. This is just from my own experience, but I feel the whole grieving process is going on subconsciously and consciously. We go along, living our lives and a thought or a feeling or a scent overtakes us, and we feel such pain; like we've been blindsided. However, I really believe that along with the grieving is the healing that is also going on, even though it may be hard to perceive. Does this sound like psychobabble? I don't mean it to. If you want to have a chat, just let me know. You know I'm here for you.

The numbness wore off and the reality has set in!
The bad so to speak ~
The time is here for me - in three months it shall be 2 years -- it seems just like yesterday we had lunch, and then I called 911 - you know I can't write anymore, at least anything that would make sense - I just know he is not here and I am afraid that if I don't think about him every day - I shall forget him ~ I can't he was and still is my son - who I miss from the bottom of my heart and soul!

Thank you my friend for being their for me!

The Red Balloon

It was a resturant my daddy used to take me to every Sunday for breakfast - nope not donuts -
Pancakes

I found the book at a garage sale when the kids were little, I still have it.
- in 1956 the film was first released in the United States

A film critic for The New York Times Bosley Crowther ~ praised this film from France stating ~

"Yet with the sensitive cooperation of his own beguiling son and with the gray-blue atmosphere of an old Paris quarter as the background for the shiny balloon, he has got here a tender, humorous drama of the ingenuousness of a child and, indeed, a poignant symbolization of dreams and the cruelty of those who puncture them."

Sad Heart ~ lost memories of my child.

FwR minitage



"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
~From the television show The Wonder Years

It saddens me that Jonathan's friends can't seem to find a way to share the memories they have of him with me, the pictures, the stories, the video's as well as the pain they may still feel.

I am Jonathan's mother and you were all his friends can we try and find a way?

Dear Doc Keller,

Life just happens when you least expect it to. Death does too, but you know this all to well.
I can't imagine what your life is like. I honesty would not want to be in your position, as I am sure you would certainly not want to be in mine.

I was quite shocked today when I read the Daily Herald article. "Dr. Richard Keller won't seek re-election in 2012." Politics has been interfering with his responsibilities and outreach efforts......

I have to apologize as my daddy told me never to talk about politics!
So if the readers of my blog need to know more they can click here article -By Russell Lissau

I will tell you a little story though, my third week into my senior year in high school my chemistry teacher asked me if I had enough credits to graduation if I dropped his class. "Why do you ask?" I said. His response - "We alrighty then, do yourself a favor drop the class, when your grade report comes and you get an "F" it will affect your grade point average!"

So, I ran straight to the office and dropped the class. It was 10:30 AM; yes in the morning.
I went and got myself a job at 17 years old. Nope never went to college to become that Nurse I wanted to be, instead I worked full time everyday up until 2005.

Yes, life does just happen ~ for the good or the bad, for the right and for the wrong.

I am a survivor of my life.

You as well Doc Keller will survive this choice you have made. I respect your decision and thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping take care of my son. Yes, and all the the other boys too.

I will continue my journey helping the only way I know how, as I was taught.
Be good to others and they shall be good to you.

You are a wise and honest man, I respect your decision. Life is to short, do what you need to do.
It's so late and I am so tired - I think I'll finish this in the morning!

Angry Teenagers

I found this article very interesting - as well as this website you should read more - it could help... IMO - boarding school costs money ~ we can as a community help these children ~ OUR CHILDREN!

Enough said - bookmark this if you would like and read it later - just have a Happy 4th of July - do you know what your children are doing tonight?

The Family School

By Jeffrey S. Brain, M.A., C.T.S. (Certified Trauma Specialist)

We live in violent times, in a country where an incident of child abuse is reported every ten seconds; where domestic violence claims the lives of three women every single day; and where every year half a million senior citizens are abused - most often by a member of their own family.

Considering that one in nine murders is committed by youth under 18, we can assume that most perpetrators of violent crimes are - or once were - angry teens. According to a recent survey, three out of four teenage boys admitted to hitting someone in the past year because they were angry. Almost half believe it's okay to hit or threaten a person who makes them mad, and have carried a gun, knife or club in the past month.

And one third agreed with the statement

"When I am really angry, there is no way I can control myself."

Learning to manage one's anger is an essential life skill for anyone, but especially for teenagers who frequently use anger as a response to the frustrations and stresses of growing up.

In this respect, anger (as well as other emotions like sadness, anxiety, hopelessness and self-pity), resembles alcohol. They can all be used to "self-medicate" - to compensate for the pressures and strains the teenager hasn't yet learned to deal with. Often anger itself becomes the coping mechanism, a way of exerting power and control over one's environment. Used habitually in this way, it is a dangerous substitute for healthier, more adaptive coping strategies-strategies that can't be learned until the anger can be managed. And like those who habitually use drugs, alcohol, eating, gambling or sex as coping mechanisms, those who use anger will find that it inevitably interferes with normal functioning, and can eventually destroy any opportunity for happiness or satisfaction in life.

The good news is that the 12-Step program, which has help millions of alcoholics, drug abusers, compulsive eaters, gamblers and others in the throes of addiction, can also help angry teens.

How the 12 Steps Work for Anger The core tenets of the 12 Steps, including rigorous honesty, are related to cognitive-behavioral therapy and share some of the same approaches for permanently changing one's behavior.

The 12 Steps challenge our thinking about the way we see and interpret experiences, and teach us how to respond to stress not in the heat of the moment, but according to our values and principles. The process involves not trusting our own thinking. This is an important concept in managing anger. The judgments and conclusions we draw when we are responding emotionally to a situation (i.e. the things we think when we are angry) often drive our physical reactions. In the 12-Step model, however, we learn to think beyond the emotion to a healthier, more adaptive response. Angry people are like the man whose house is set on fire and goes chasing after the arsonist instead of tending to the more important task of putting the fire out. His response is totally self-defeating, yet those who struggle with managing their anger can easily see themselves doing the same thing. Driven by the emotion of perceived wrong, they chase after others (revenge, resentment) rather than dealing with the real problem - the fire. In fact, many of us have lost the ability to put out our own fires. Instead, we automatically shift the responsibility for our anger to others, chasing them down while our life disintegrates around us. The analogy applies to alcohol and substance abuse as well, and to other addictions that can distract us from the more important work of dealing with the problems at hand. In many cases, teens turn to alcohol, drugs, food or sex to suppress their anger. While they may find temporary relief, the long term effects can be disastrous. With regular use, these substances and behaviors take on lives of their own. So even if the teen gets help and manages to make his or her problems and frustrations go away, the addiction remains.

A weekly Anger Management group what a concept for a school to implement with the lost children of their system. 12 step progman may have a stigma attached ~ get over it people!

Share you experiences with them, teach them strategies to help them regain balance, control and serenity in their lives as they move through the crises of adolescence toward responsible adulthood!

It's a whole new world out their ~ get with the program - on baby step at a time!

Alcohol And Substance Abuse Will Not Take Away Your Fears

By Stanley Popovich

Your fears, anxieties, and other problems have the best of you and you don’t know where to turn for help. At some point you feel totally helpless as you struggle each day. What do you do? As a layman and an author of a Managing Fear book, there were times that my fears had the best of me. Through these experiences, there is one thing that I learned. You can’t hide or run away from your fears.

Alcohol and substance abuse or any other addictions will not take away your problems and fears. In the short run, they might make you feel better, but in the long run these addictions will only make things worse.

So what do you do to make your problems and fears go away? Well, since you can’t runaway from them, then the best solution is to tackle your fears head on no matter how strong they may be. The key is to be smart in how you try to manage these fears. Here are some ways in how to manage your persistent fears and anxieties.

Take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself.

Learn how to manage your fearful thoughts that may be difficult to manage. When experiencing a negative thought, read some positive statements and affirmations that help lift your spirits and make you feel better. Remember that your fearful thoughts may be exaggerated so balance these thoughts with realistic thinking and common sense.

Take advantage of the help that is available around you. If possible, talk to a professional who can help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future. Managing your fears and anxieties takes practice. The more you practice, the better you will become.

When managing your fears and anxieties do not try to tackle everything at once. The best solution is to break your fears or problems into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

Managing your fears and anxieties will take some hard work. Trying to avoid you problems will do nothing in getting rid of your fears and anxieties. Sooner or later, you will have to confront your fears and anxieties. Remember that all you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and take things in stride. Patience, persistence, education, and being committed in trying to solve your problem will go a long way in fixing your problems.

1. Managing Your Persistent Fears And Anxieties

By: Stanley Popovich

Looking for all of the answers in how to manage your persistent fears and anxieties? We all have those times when it is difficult to manage our stresses and anxieties. As a result, here is a brief list of techniques that a person can use to help manage their every day anxieties, stresses, and fears.

When facing a current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, divide the task into a series of smaller steps and then complete each of the smaller tasks one at a time. Completing these smaller tasks will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

Sometimes we get stressed out when everything happens all at once. When this happens, take a deep breath and try to find something to do for a few minutes to get your mind off of the problem. A person can get some fresh air, listen to some music, or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things.

Sometimes we encounter a scary situation that gets us all upset. When encountering these events, always remember to get all of the facts of the given situation. Gathering the facts can prevent us from relying on exaggerated and fearful assumptions. By focusing on the facts, a person can rely on what is reality and what is not.

In dealing with your anxieties, learn to take it one day at a time. While the consequences of a particular fear may seem real, there are usually other factors that can not be anticipated and can affect the results of any situation. We may be ninety-nine percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference.

At times, a person might encounter a fearful thought that may be difficult to manage. When this happens, visualize a red stop sign, which can serve as a reminder to stop thinking about that thought. Regardless of how scary the thought may be, do not dwell on it. This technique is good in dealing with obsessive and scary thoughts.

Sometimes, it helps to be able to talk to someone about our stressful situations. Talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or clergyman can not only make us feel better, but they can give you additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. Managing your fears and anxieties takes practice. In time, you will become better able to deal with your stressful problems.

As a layman, I have over fifteen years of experience in dealing with fear and anxiety. At times, my fears had the best of me, however I never gave up and I was always determined to find the answers to my problems. Regardless of how difficult it may be to manage your fears and anxieties, the answers are out there if you look hard enough.

A dragonfly stopped by!

Late afternoon is the perfect time for me to take pictures this time of year. The weather conditions and sunshine was just perfect.  

I read somewhere ~

I had this dream last night ~

I saw him in the morning when I woke up ~

I saw him as I opened the car door ~

I was just taking pictures ~

This was no accident ~

This little dragonfly stopping by ~

The dragonfly is a creature of water symbolically she deals with thoughts, dreams and intuition, A sign of a balanced mind within  two realms of thought.

The dragonfly skates across the surface of the water which is symbolic of our “highest most thoughts” the daily, surface thoughts that primarily keep us going.

 

But, she knows she is on the edge of a vast watery depth of endlessly profound and potentially life-altering thoughts:

The thought process has begun, it is virtually the beginning of my endless about of energy to express the knowledge I have gained this past year and 1/2. 

My dear friend.

U will be in my heart forever ~ I shall never forget how you became a part of my extended family when I left Arizona, it was you. You gave me a new life, a positive outlook, knowledge, and always reminded me that I had the strength to create a new life for my boys ~ you sent me home to Chicago ~ thank you for fighting so hard to get me back home ~ thank you so much for fighting to keep me here ~

~ go play golf with Jonathan ~
Love you! Roger ~
~R.I.P.~
(my friend)

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Heroin is alive and living in Lake County, IL.

After over one and a half years ~ COMMUNITY FORUM on Drug Awareness & Heroin

~ Stay on track don't fall off the horse and lose sight of the real issue
~ you can bet on it ~ "Heroin is alive and living in Lake County, IL..

I copied and pasted these article's ~ as I am so tired of waiting for this to awakening withing our community to happen - to many children are not with us today so please ~ make sure you RSVP as well - read the rules!
If you are in the vicinity ~ please take some time out of your day to listen, learn & educate yourselves.

Pioneer Local - Today ~ June 2, 2009
By RONNIE WACHTER rwachter@pioneerlocal.com

The Buffalo Grove School Safety Partnership, in conjunction with Buffalo Grove and Stevenson high schools, will hold a community forum Thursday to address the topic of drug abuse in the area.

The event is part of a regional effort to increase the awareness and understanding of drug activity and its consequences to parents of high school age students.

The meeting is scheduled for 7 to 9 p.m. at the Buffalo Grove Park District's Alcott Center, 530 Bernard Drive, and will place special emphasis on heroin abuse.

Heroin and prescription drug overdoses throughout the area have become a widespread and persistent public safety problem that creates serious personal, social and economic consequences for adolescents, their families and the community.

"We're directing this at parents of high school students, upper grades," Buffalo Grove police Cmdr. Steve Husak said. "There have been a few overdoses and other issues that have been on the rise in the last year."

"The walls need to be put up," said Lisa Stone, a Buffalo Grove trustee who helped organize the meeting because of her concern about heroin use in the community. "It's the most powerful drug on our planet."

Stone said Friday that she would like to see Buffalo Grove become known as the No. 1 community in Illinois in the fight against heroin, as its Police Department is known as a leader in the fight against drunken driving.

The program will feature presentations by:

• Lake County Metropolitan Enforcement Group's regional drug task force

• Lake County Coroner's Office

• Lake County States Attorney's Office

• Northeastern Illinois Regional Crime Laboratory.

The public is invited, and can R.S.V.P at the village of Buffalo Grove Web site vbg.org by following the instructions on the community forum announcement, or by e-mailing Husak at shusak@vbg.org

Good Luck ~ May "God" bless you all - vonna ~

R.I.P. now my son ~ 

Heroin ~ 40% of high school seniors do not believe that there is a great risk in trying heroin.

It's never to late ~ I found this on the web today ~

Recent studies suggest a shift from injecting to snorting or smoking heroin because of increased purity and the misconception that these forms of use will not lead to addiction. Heroin is processed from morphine, a naturally occurring substance extracted from the seed-pod of the Asian poppy plant. Heroin usually appears as a white or brown powder. Street names associated with heroin include "smack," "H," "skag," and "junk." Other names may refer to types of heroin produced in a specific geographical area, such as "Mexican black tar."

Your child's High School Graduation is just around the corner they will be gone from home by summer's end.

Did you know that ~

40% of high school seniors do not believe that there is a great risk in trying heroin.

If you suspect your child is using drugs get proactive; educate yourself to be armed with the facts, you fears will subside and you will know how to confront your child so they do hear you speak!

Listen To Those Who Have Been Through It!~ -------->

"The longer you wait to speak to your child, that day may come where you will speak no more!" ~ jv

TAKE ACTION & visit The Anti Drug get yourself educated!
Follow the Links on the front page

• Take Action
• Get Past the Fear
• Advice & Tips
• Conversations
• Get Help
  
  

Hit the RED ~ PANIC BUTTON
~ to find help in your community.
Find it at the top of this -----------------> page!

What would you do?

I received this from a little girl who isn't so little anymore, she is all grown up with children of her own, yep I used to babysit for her, she was my eldest boy's friend when we lived in Arizona. I watched her grown and grown she did. Into a beautiful woman, into a wonderful friend.

10 people I was to pass this to!

So I send it to all who read this I normally don't read these, but this struck a cord  thank you my friend for sending this to me

What would you do if your best friend died 
tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt I just wanted to say, even if I never talk 
to you again in my life, you are special 
to me and you have made a difference in 
my life.

I look up to you, respect 
you, and truly cherish you. 



Send this to all your friends, no matter how 
often you talk, or how close you are, 
and send it to the person who sent it to 
you. 



Let old friends know you haven't
forgotten them, and tell new
friends you never will.

Remember, everyone
 needs a friend; some day you might
feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all

Remember this and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you
and always will..

In times of trouble

In times of need

If you are
feeling sad
You can count on me

I will give you a wink

Until you smile give you a hug

And stand by
your side.

I'll be there for you till the end, I'll always and forever, be your 
friend!




Well, just try walking in my shoes!

I don't believe in coincidence, that is just the way I feel, I was told by someone the other day I was crazy, unstable ~ Who me!

Well, just try walking in my shoes!

If you have lost a loved one and have not found Legacy Connect ~ I highly recommend you do so, it is a part of the Ning Network and is very easy to set up. Of course I am still at a stage of lurkness "so to speak"!

You are able to control your privacy settings, so of course at this moment I am still at a stage of lurkness "so to speak".

I check my email everyday, this one of the email's I received today ~ a day when I really needed to read this!

The article below is one of the many with information you may need to know!

By Russell Friedman and John W. James

For most people, the immediate response to the death of someone important to them is a sense of numbness. After that initial numbness wears off, the most common physiological reaction is a reduced ability to concentrate. The rest of the world goes out of focus. Nothing else is important.

It is normal and natural that your entire being is centered on what happened and your relationship with the person who died. The length of time that the reduced ability to concentrate lasts is individual and can vary from a few days to several months, and even longer. It is not a sign that there’s something wrong with you. The fact that the emotional impact of the death of that person has altered your day-to-day routines is very healthy. It would make no sense for you to not be affected by the death.

It is normal to drift out of focus in response to conscious or unconscious memories of the person who died. Please be gentle with yourself in allowing that your focus is not on the actions of life, but on your reactions to a death.

If you’re at work, you can take little “grief breaks” as needed. It’s a good idea to establish a safe person at work who you can talk to when and if you get overwhelmed. It’s also smart to have a phone pal you can call when the emotions keep you from concentrating. The breaks and chats will make you able to do the work you need to do.

Please keep in mind that it’s important to focus while driving a car. It’s not safe to drive with tears in your eyes. If need be, pull over. Allow yourself to have whatever emotions come up, and maybe call someone and talk for a while before you get back on the road.

When Your Heart Is Broken, Your Head Doesn’t Work Right

Along with not being able to concentrate, your thinking ability and judgment may be limited. That’s why grieving people are advised to be careful about making major life decisions in the aftermath of the death of someone important to them. To put it in simple terms, when your heart is broken, your head doesn’t work right. You must take care either not to make big decisions until you regain your ability to focus, or you must make sure you have people you trust to help you understand your choices and the consequences of what you decide.

There are other common physiological reactions to grief. Sleeping habits are often disrupted for an extended period of time. You may find yourself unable to sleep, or you may not be able to get out of bed. You can even go back and forth between those extremes. Eating patterns are also subject to confusion. You may not be able to eat at all, or you may not be able to stop. You can also ping-pong between those extremes. Sleeping and eating disruptions aren’t as common as the reduced ability to concentrate, but they can be really uncomfortable. If they happen, it also doesn’t mean you’re going crazy. It just means that your routines and habits are out of synch.

Another common grief reaction is best described as a roller coaster of emotions. It can be a wild ride, with tremendous emotional shifts. But, like concentration and the eating and sleeping issues, that roller coaster is one of the typical responses to the death of someone important to you. Don’t fight it, just go along for the ride, no matter how bumpy it might be. When it happens, it’s a good idea to call a friend, and talk about what you’re feeling. Talking about what you’re experiencing helps make sure you don’t trap your feelings inside.

Normal and Natural — Not Crazy

The reduced ability to concentrate; the disruption of sleeping and eating patterns; and the roller coaster of emotions are all normal and natural reactions to death. There is nothing crazy about them or you.

Those reactions usually diminish within time as you adapt to life without the person who died. But time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, nor does it complete anything that may have been left emotionally unfinished when the person died. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of wanting to have said one more “I love you and goodbye.” Sometimes it is a more complex set of communications that would include apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements.

It is always helpful to discover and complete anything that was left unfinished. Doing so will allow you to have fond memories not turn painful. It will also help you remember your person the way you knew them in life. And it will help you continue a life of meaning and value, even though it is altered by the absence of he person who died.

Above all, allow yourself to be out of rhythm. As we said, be careful when you’re driving and be cautious when making major decisions. Be gentle with yourself as you make your re-entry back into the flow of your life. But don’t judge yourself harshly because you are having any or all of the reactions we mentioned.

AND THAT'S WHY ~

On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow, "Today I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will work all day under the sun! I will give you a life span of 50 years."

The cow objected, "What? This kind of a tough life you want me to live for 50 years? Let me have 20 years, and the 30 years I'll give back to you." So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said to the dog, "You are supposed to sit all day by the door of your house. Any people that come in, you will have to bark at them! I'll give a life span of 20 years."

The dog objected, "What? All day long to sit by the door? No way! I give you back my other 10 years of life!" So God agreed.

On the third day, God created the monkey. He said to the monkey, "Monkeys have to entertain people. You've got to make them laugh and do monkey tricks. I'll give you 20 years life span."

The monkey objected. "What? Make them laugh? Do monkey faces and tricks? Ten years will do, and the other 10 years I'll give you back." So God agreed.

On the fourth day, God created man and said to him, "Your job is to sleep, eat, and play. You will enjoy very much in your life. All you need to do is to enjoy and do nothing. This kind of life, I'll give you a 20 year life span."

The man objected. "What? Such a good life! Eat, play, sleep, do nothing? Enjoy the best and you expect me to live only for 20 years? No way, man!....Why don't we make a deal? Since the cow gave you back 30 years, and the dog gave you back 10 years and the monkey gave you back 10 years, I will take them from you! That makes my life span 70 years, right?" So God agreed.

AND THAT'S WHY.... In our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy the best and do nothing much. For the next 30 years, we work all day long, suffer and get to support the family. For the next 10 years, we entertain our grandchildren by making monkey faces and monkey tricks. And for the last 10 years, we stay at home, sit by the front door and bark at people!

Remember you can make a difference in their lives just ....
Close your eyes ~
Picture your child sitting at home when he is 70 years old by that front door barking at people!
It's a feel good moment, and yes that's why~

IF

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat these two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: `Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

-Rudyard Kipling

How well do you know internet lingo?

Found on the web ~ Internet Lingo Dictionary

Protect your Teens

Heroin will Steal your Soul ~

I found this on the web ~
Article Connection Newspapers

It is a pretty long read - but to me worth it ~

Heroin Will Steal Your Soul
Substance-abuse experts, doctor, address parents.
By Bonnie Hobbs
Thursday, March 12, 2009

Too-potent heroin blamed in 20 Lake Co. deaths

This is way to important ~ way to serious of an issue now ~
I apologize in advance without asking permission to post this article ~

Taken straight from Chicago Breaking News:
It's amazing how many comments in such a short time ~ more to this article found HERE!
Lake County authorities believe an unusually strong batch of heroin could be responsible for a recent spike in the number of heroin overdoses in the northern suburbs.

Coroner Richard Keller said he has asked the federal Drug Enforcement Administration to check the purity levels of heroin found in the possession of several overdose victims. Keller said he began noticing an increase in heroin overdoses in December, when eight people died from using the drug.

In January and February, the coroner's office recorded about six deaths each month from heroin overdoses. Normally, the office averages about three heroin overdoses each month.

"We're concerned there could be a more potent form of heroin out there than what people are used to," Keller said.

Article no longer found on internet!

16 years & 100 years old this April

I couldn't remember how many years it has been ~ I had to use the calculator ~ I won't get it to the subject matter at this point but it had to do with throw away that "calculator" ~ you don't need it ~

16 years went by so fast ~ but it seems like yesterday ~ you lived a good life ~ you were my "Pa" I still miss you so very much ~ I do hope you are playing golf with Jonathan ~ take care of that grandson of yours now ~ and say hey to "ma"

April 27, 1909 - March 12, 1993 (I think)

March 31, 1909 the construction of the RMS Titanic began ~ so many years ago ~ the unsinkable ~

Dad ~ this quote from Molly Brown ~ well ~ "Sure I may be tuckered, and I may give out, but I won't give IN!"
I promise I won't give in ~

Words of Wisdom

As of late, I have connected with a few friends from my past ~ a past of the carefree days where my friends & I had freedom with structure~freedom without fear, freedom with hope that our future would be secure ~
I received an email from one of those friends today that I would like to share with you ~ it touched my soul ~ this made me think ~ as I grow old I think back to those days, those days are long gone ~ but the memories shall always be.
~ thank you my old friend for gifting me with your words today~

"I looked through some of the links on your site. ~very insightful~!

A few of my friends passed early due to struggles with booze and or drugs. I also have a few others who managed to turn their life around.

What I have learned is you can only help those ready to accept a helping hand.

Some have a hard time accepting help, either from pride or pain, either way everyone has to reach a point where they must go one way or the other.

Everyone who cares for them hurts if they go the wrong way.

I like to think of help, like giving a gift; there is has much honor in giving a gift as receiving one. For they are both equal... one is not possible without the other"
author undisclosed ~

He's one smart Cookie ~

Get to know the coroner ~ oh, so unconventional ~
So I was out of town - but now I am back ~ :)

Selbo: You were just re-elected in November to a second term of office. What would you like to accomplish in the next four years that you did not accomplish during your first four years?

Keller: Well, and it's really kind of started already. I want to get into even more schools and talk to even more kids. The schools in the area have had pre-prom events historically. That's when they would have the coroner come talk to the school. But I think that you really need to get in there repeatedly and frequently. And so what I've done is gotten a lot of my staff involved as well, and we're really getting into the schools now and classes and driver's ed. So we're getting in there repeatedly and then special programs that we're able to get put together. In order to be able to teach a teenager something you need to do so repeatedly and a little bit different each time, so it really starts to sink in.

Click to read the rest of the story!

Men ~ Silent Grief

I really needed to find a reason as to why he is still, so sad.

The "he" is my husband, not Jonathan's natural father!
"he ~ my husband found our son"
I cannot imagine what it was like for him to have to tell me my son was dead!

I found this article very enlightening this morning and I wanted to share this with you, as it is not all about the mother ~ we must not forget that the father grieves as well.

It has been said there is no loss greater than that in the loss of a child.
For families who experience the death of a child, whether an infant or an adult, the surviving family members are often left to cope with their own feelings of grief. While the mother of the child is often consoled extensively, the father of a child who has passed away may, at times, feel lost in the grieving process.

Compounded by this process is the vastly different way in which men grieve. For the most part, this vastly different response to grief, by men, is a one that is learned, taught and expected through their own upbringing. In many cases, these same men, even when faced with the death of their own child, will view the mourning and grieving process as a challenge and test they must win.

To "win" this challenge, so to speak, the father who grieves the loss of his own child will often show an overwhelming tendency towards remaining quiet and silent. This silence, in essence, allows a grieving father to control, to some extent, his vulnerabilities and protects them from the ultimate emotional breakdown. What is commonly not seen, however, is this same grieving man who will express his grief in solitude and in silence.

When coping with the death of a child, the grieving father will commonly take on new personality traits. Because men are taught to be the protector of the family, the loss of a child is often perceived as a failure on their part and, as a result, the male figure of the family will feel as if they need to take on a role of protecting the other family members. To this end, the grieving father can become consumed in the details and events following the death of a child and, as a result, may show little to no sadness initially.

Because men cope with grief on a level that is far different from woman, it is important that they be permitted to express their grief differently. For many women, the expression of grief comes quite naturally, leaving a mother to wonder why her husband does not feel the overwhelming sense of sadness she may feel. While it may seem he does not feel these same depths of sadness, rest assured, he does. Because men are taught to behave in a manner that is not expressive during times of intense stress, and must be the protectors of the family, it is normal for a father, who has lost a child, to grieve in silence and for very prolonged periods of time.

This link was the first I clicked on ~ it has some excellent information, as well as really interesting comments ~
Direct link to the article and the person to be acknowledged ~

Living without him ~

Seems like yesterday when they took him away you wake up one day and wonder where or where did this past year go ~ This is all so unreal to me, much harder now than it was over a year ago.

Most of his Jon's friends have either moved on or are still in denial, my friends they come and go.

I have started to weed through the house, it is a cleansing experience that is not making me a happy camper. My refrigerator looks cleaner than when I purchased it!

His slippers finally moved from where they lie that day. His clothes put away nice and tidy, and yes, I smelled every shirt, every pair of pants, and even his socks ~ His TV works, his bed is made and his chair will stay put. Jonathan was young and did not have many belongings, this are my memories as I finally lay him to peace in this house.

As, I go through these days one day at a time, each day brings on a new experience, my life has forever changed and will never be the same as it was before. I am getting to the point of acceptance that learning to live with the fact that Jonathan is gone ~ forever! Yet, he still lives in my heart, my surroundings and always within my soul.

I do get out a little more, it is a very scary experience. I ventured out yesterday to run an errand which was near the pediatric dentists' office where I took all my children. I took a big step opened the door and low and behold, she was standing behind the desk.

When I was 9 years old, we used to eat peanut butter sandwiches together at her house, giggling so hard that milk came out of our noses ~ O~So~Gross ~

She didn't know, we talked we hugged & I told her to teach her children, I told her to make sure she scared him straight, as I did not want her to experience what I am experiencing now -

A mother should not lose a child before her eyes ~

8 ball

It's just not a pool game any more ~ they call it 3.5 grams of cocaine!

Teach your kids at an early age!
Be a responsible parent
Learn educate yourself
Slang - learn it!

IT's Not ThaT Hard to Do ~ It Does NOt TakE that MuCh time Out of Your dAy~

Sit down in a quiet place, close your eyes and imagine what your WORLD would be without your child ~

Enough said from me ~ get more information from the DOC ~ he has the hard core facts ~

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away ~

Yesterday

I picked up a stranger from the train station yesterday, she was recommended by a friend, thought she could help me "organize" ~
On the ride back to the house I found out she had lost her child as well ~ she is a wonderful woman my age from Nigeria ~ we organized, cleaned, scrubbed and shared memories as I put my son's belongings to rest.
He now has clean sheets, a television that works; so that if he ever decides to visit he shall be comfortable ~
Rest well my son ~ you were and always will be my yesterday!

"You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for every day
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes
I never believed until now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday"

Leona Lewis
Yesterday lyrics