Goodnight my Angel ~ Happy Birthday

"Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away"

Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel) Lyrics
Billy Joel

Happy Birthday my son ~ I love you ---

Vonna Today

Let me tell you a little about what Vonna did today ~

She woke up happy this Christmas morning not realizing what the day would bring her. She had a few bumpy spots with regards to her emotions ~ Have you ever really "heard" the words to "Silent Night" ~ If you knew Vonna like I know Vonna! ~nuff said then~
All in all it was a good day ~

He never failed her when it came to a Brad Pitt premier at the movies.

Although it's been over a year since she has actually really watched a movie in it's entirety; she did manage to sit still and watch a movie called ~

"Wanted" based loosely they say on a novel by Mark Millar ~

Starring ~ James McAvoy &Angelina Jolie

What struck her with this movie were two quote's ~

"Kill one save a Thousand"
morgan freeman

"This is me taking back control of my life. What the f*** have you done lately?" james mcAvoy

Life ~ don't stand still or you may just get struck by that curved bullet.

Memories ~ from me for you ~

Rebbecca,
Merry Christmas ~

I remember the day Jr. took Jon to his first baseball game ~ he got to sit in Ron's chair up in the tower, he sat in the dugout ~
What a good day that was ~

I had a ton of fun growing up with the cubs ~ I had a ton of fun being the referee to all the kids in the neighborhood ~ Merry Christmas "Big Ron" ~

Merry Christmas ~ my "Old Family"
If you feel like giving this holiday season ~

Get involved today with JDRF ~ donate or sign up for a walk near you!





One hundred rides. One destination. A world free of MS.

I have a dear friend - that has MS - Multiple Sclerosis

Cynicism is an unpleasant way of telling the truth! Lillian Hellman

I am looking for a "Coach Handbag" and authentic "Coach Handbag" cheap - or should I say inexpensive for use of better terminology. I like to collect purses, you could say I have an addiction to purses!

As I searched the Internet I stumbled upon a forum a purse forum, an entire community that has millions posts in tons of informational threads.

Imagine a world and entire community just talking about purses, where to buy them, where to get the best deals, who to deal with, who not to deal with, the reviews, the statistics, the old & the new.

You need a purse fix, that certain brand name you just have to have, need to know what a fake purse looks like, it's all right there on this purse forum.

Prices keep going up - it truly is discouraging to tell you the truth. In order to get high quality that will last a life time, you are going to have to pay through the nose these days -

Almost, everyday I visit Dr. Keller's' blog, just to see what he is posting. I find his blog is well worth the read, and I actually start to worry about him when I do not see him post for a few days. I worry that he is too busy, this saddens me.

I did a little digging, and a little coping and pasting ~

Purses, drugs ~ prices going up ~ interesting yes?

The price of a gram of cocaine in the US soared 89 percent -- from $96.61 dollars to $182.73 dollars -- from January 2007 to September 2008, while the purity decreased 32.1%, from 67% to 46%.

Heroin is readily available in most large metropolitan areas and, increasingly, in some suburban and rural markets throughout the country, the abuse of heroin is increasing among young adults in a number of suburban and rural areas.

The Abuse of prescription narcotics as a precursor to heroin among adolescents is an emerging concern to law enforcement and public health officials.

…cocaine purity dropped during the same period from 67 percent to 46 percent

To increase profitability suppliers cut potency by mixing it with a wide variety of other substances -- an often dangerous practice.

Nonetheless key to remember: Cocaine kills, there is no safe amount of cocaine, you never know what you are getting/buying.

So now you have to spend more to die high; or maybe not quite high, if the amount is enough to kill you (or the adulterants a poisonous enough), but not quality cocaine enough to get a buzz on for you.

I don't think I need that purse anymore!

She doesn't know it ~

She needs me just as I need her ~ 

Time has been lost and we need to catch up ~

Stop the text messages!

~ I can't text as fast as I type ~ ugg

LOL

I love you sweetheart - ma!

Laugher, Hope, Healing

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dream are more powerful that fact - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death"
Robert Fulghum

The Angry Mandrel 2008 Memorial

~ Psalm 23 ~

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

TAM ( the angry mandrel ) is a very special place. TAM is so much more then what is seen from the outside. TAM has become my saving grace this past year, as when my friends became strangers, these strangers became friends.

In honor of the forum members, family and friends we will be closed Sunday, Nov. 30th.
The forum will reopen Monday AM.
~ "May God Bless you all"
& "May God Bless you Chad Samson" ~ he did this for all of us a community of artists!

I don't know if a forum has ever closed before!

The Year is Here ~

~As Jonathan has left me to finish his journey here on earth, many of you know this has now become my mission to educate & spread the word so that if just one life is saved, these boys deaths shall not be in vain!

~I find it only fitting and respectful to celebrate lives lost, tragedy's suffered, sickness & health; and to be thankful we are here to support each other as one community of like in kind.

~I shall be lighting a candle in honor of my son as well as the other 5 Alumni from Stevenson High School, to honor & celebrate these lives lost so unnecessarily to dirty drugs.

Buffalo Grove Skate Park
Busch Grove Community Park
1000 N. Buffalo Grove Road
Buffalo Grove, IL 60089

Time:
7:30 pm Saturday November 29, 2008 - We will be congregating along the sidewalk ONLY ~ the park will be closed. Carpooling is highly recommended due to lack of No Parking.

Bring a candle with you!

Respectfully,
Vonna

She had a dream ~

Don't know why I'm telling you this...

"I had a dream of you Jon and his sister. She wasn't in the dream physically.
She was mentioned but you and Jon were there she was away at college.
It seemed so real. It was strange because we knew Jon had passed.
You gave me some clothes to change into and I'm not sure why.
I changed in the room where Jonathan passed which was a small bedroom.
Weird thing is, his body was still in there. He lay there helplessly, but I didn't cry, you woke him up. We talked about how his couldn't go in the room anymore ever since "it" happened.
You went downstairs after waking him up to get him food, then he looked at me and smiled. His speech was all screwed up but I could see he knew exactly who I was and knew he loved me through his eyes and expression. His speech returned to normal and he hugged me and said I love you. You came in with a sandwich and cookies and that was all I could remember. I woke up and felt heartache. I miss him so much.
At the same time, I'm so glad I still dream of him.
It's strange how in a dream when someone is "gone" they can still be alive.

I love you momma. I hope you're doing okay."

It's time; this first anniversary, just around the corner, and so close you can taste it. I am not surprised as I too am experiencing dreams, I hear his voice call to me "ma" it's okay I love you. Just before I lay down to sleep I hear his voice "ma, I love you", comforting yet tearful and so sad.

Do you remember last year all the activity we felt within the house, the incidents? There has been much activitiy in this house as I sit here each day alone. For unknown reasons I collapse and just weep until I can weep no more; and then all of a sudden I feel his presence he is lifting me gently up off the floor.

No, it is not strange; if was him it was not just my mind telling me his is trying to bring me the peace and strength to get through the next few days. This could all be part of our grieving process. As it is my choice to believe that he is hear; I choose that he is here.
It is what I want to believe.

I do often wonder about his other three his three good buddies, [friends] the one's that showed up drunk after the service to pay their respects and to say goodbye one last time, I often wonder if their dreams are nightmares?

I also pray for the other children now that I know that six from the same school, the same age, died this past year. I hope to do something special for all of them, I keep running into so many obstacles. I am only one. I do believe that somehow I will get this done.

~ I do ~ I cry ~

It is getting closer, that year, that first year is right around the corner.

Why do I write to you to tell I cry, maybe it will help you or maybe it will help me, all I know at this moment that it comes out of of nowhere those tears, the sobbing, the nightmares.In my lifetime, I have experienced many tragedy's, but i have to tell you there is no greater tragedy than a mother losing a child at any age ~ I shall never ever go one day without thinking about Jonathan, he was/is my child and that bond will never be broken.
I do have to take care of myself and life life as best as I can everyday now for the rest of my life. I am actually not really telling these stories to you, so don't think you are that special. If I don't write things down, I'll forget.

So ~ we all cry ~ and maybe have a laugh together ~ maybe it will help us both!
Laughter - that's another story~ ;)

Let's just cry, just for today! It will in the long run make us stronger, believe it!
So in closing, I did some research, as I believe I was poked to do so!
Click on the links to find out more about how to cope and why you cry ~

Mayo Clinic
Anniversary reactions can also evoke powerful emotional memories — experiences in which you vividly recall the feelings and events surrounding your loved ones death. You might remember in great detail where you were and what you were doing, for instance, when your loved one died.

Alternet.org
How Crying Can Make You Healthier ~
"The increasing research into crying and its beneficial health effects may also make shedding tears less of a taboo behaviour. As Professor Frey, author of Crying: the Mystery of tears, points out, it is no accident that crying has survived evolutionary pressures. Humans are the only animals to evolve this ability to shed tears in response to emotional stress, and it is likely that crying survived the pressures of natural selection because it has some survival value,'' he says. "It is one of the things that makes us human.''

Top Story Pioneer Press November 6, 2008 ~ Teen drinking's dangerous

Lake County Coroner Dr. Richard Keller gave a presentation October 28, 2008 during Adlai Stevenson High School located in Lincolnshire, IL, this was part of the schools Red Ribbon Week activities. He spoke to both parents and students about the effects of alcohol and drugs.

This event was covered by reporter Katie Okon of the Pioneer Press, her article made headline news.

"To the parents in the audience ~
Keller stated "Alcohol is a big problem. We are seeing more and more of that at a younger age."

"You cannot scare your kids into behaving, but if you give them the facts 10, 20, 50 times, it sinks in."
Read the rest of the story here ~

Words of Comfort ~

You don't just know what to say do you? Trust me I totally understand this - but let me give you a few tips that may help you comfort not just me; but anyone in the same situation.

It is inevitable that during your life time, you will have a loved one die, it is the truth.
This is a fact!

Let's just hope it is not your child.

As I help you I help myself my experience and journey.

1. Don't ignore the situation or change the subject. Tell me the truth, tell me how you feel.
2. Ask me how I am feeling today.
3. Don't compare the death of a person to the death of a pet.
4. JUST DON'T compare at all. - it's doesn't fit the situation at hand.
5. Try to answer my questions, if you don't have an answer, don't make one up just say "I don't know." I will understand.
6. Don't ask me a million questions - unless I want you to. Believe me I will tell you.
7. Invite me to do fun things. (I think you can figure this one out!)
8. Stay with me quietly when I am sad or feeling lonesome ~
9. Don't watch the calendar to see how fast I am grieving. That calendar you are watching does not exist!
10. Understand this never goes away, send me a hug via email, poke me on face book. If you happen to stop by just give me a hug.
11. Sometimes, the fact that you know others just think about you makes you get through the day!

That's my story today, and I am sticking to it!

You have to read this to believe this ~

Such a sad thing that is happening today in our world and it has come down to this ~

It is so hard to make ends meet as it is - when I went to Dr. Keller blogspot and read his post it struck a cord please read the following post on his blog it is so sad ~

The senior citizens of our country are selling their cemetery plots.
What is this telling us?
What is this tell our children?
That we will have nothing left when we become old?

All we have worked hard for in our lives will be gone, the money, our homes, our financial future. What can we do?

I don't have a cemetery plot, I have nothing left, it was all spent to be able to survive. I can only rely on the government to help me, are they going to when I grow old?

She gave me strength ~

October 18th ~
Although her son is gone ~~ she is still so sad ~~ I give this post to my dear friend, who gave me strength with her words this past year ~~ who just listened to me weep that day on the phone in silence with her support ~~
I love you my dear friend ~ never ever forget that ~~ xoxo

Although this post can be interpreted in many ways ~ my intent is to try to comfort her and try to make her have a happy day ~
_________________________________

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Copyright 1952.

Madd ~

I read this ~ I cried ~ so I just copied and pasted this ~ from the coroner's blog today ~

Went to a Party Mom

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
so I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.

Now I'm lying o n the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck was drunk, Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven,
put ' Mommy's Girl' on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you, Mom!'
So I love you and good-bye.

deep thoughts

thoughts~

damn jon its almost a year, i wish that would make it easier to try and talk to you but it doesn't, i wish it made me feel less guilty but it doesn't, i just hope whatever your at right now is awesome and your at peace with yourself, ya know for a long time after your funeral i havent thought about you but i keep your picture in my wallet and i hope what ever is going on now is better then how things were. i wish i could talk to you just one more time man just to tell you how much we cared about you, but alas man im sure ill see you some 60 70 years from now and everything will be back to normal

much much love~a friend

It hurts ~

It's starting ~ the reality is really hitting the kids - and it's okay, it just takes time.

"Its suppose to get better but day by day it get worse.
I'm suppose to miss you because I'm at college and your 170 miles north of me
not because you a gazillion and ten miles above me."

Martha Stewarts Contest

I posted Jon's Link on Martha Stewart's Blog - with hopes that she may just pass by!

I grabbed the following directly from a fellow artist and friend ~ check out her blog too!

Holly's Folly Bead & Jewelry Blog

A blog dedicated to the creativity and the challenges of making and designing with handmade art glass (lampwork) beads.

Martha Stewart's Blog Contest

Martha Stewart is hosting a blog contest to teach her viewers about blogging. Go post a link to your blog, post a link back to the contest blog and you could be chosen to be featured blog. There are thousands of entries but you never know!

Here's the link to Martha's Blog .

And for all those newbies that this contest is going to bring to the blogosphere, a few words of advice:
1) Blog in the proper usage of your language. Slang is not fun to read.

2) Check your spelling and word use. Sure we all have an off moment but if you consistently use there when you mean their or then when you really mean than, people are going to think you are a dummy...rightly so.

3) If you start a blog, KEEP IT UP. I was shocked this week to find someone on a board I frequent was sending folks a post that was actually a month old. If you want to develop a following, you have to post and post and post. It's time consuming and in this busy world, it can start to feel like one more thing you HAVE to do instead of something fun.

4)If you want people to read your blogs, you have to read blogs. It's the age old writer's dilemma but it's true.

Alcohol Over Use Kills

"The Coroner of Lake County, IL talking about life and death in the purview of a County Coroner"

Dr. Richard Keller ~is preparing for a series of talks that he will be giving next month regarding the effects of alcohol on the adolescent brain. It will be part of a panel presentation regarding underage drinking prevention that a group is presenting at 4 sites. He has spoken on the effects of alcohol on the adolescent brain at several venues.

"Dr. Keller"....
Of interest to this note is that at one of the group meetings one of the others involved asked me to be sure to specifically mention “alcohol poisoning”. (We also discussed my including the fact that alcohol is the ‘number one’ date rape drug)

We don’t see alcohol overdose deaths in underage drinkers very often, most cases get intervention before they die.

While it is an infrequent cause of death, we had one in our county this week.
A young 18 year old man died of alcohol overdose (who, as fate would have it, went to high school with my daughter).

My daughter described the memorial service to me last evening; many of his friends spoke highly of him and spoke of the tragedy of his death.

We often forget that alcohol kills, not just through car crashes, but because it is itself a toxin, a poison. Consumed in large enough quantities it can and does kill. Adolescents are particularly at risk because they tend to binge drink (5 or more drinks in rapid succession) and do not get the drowsiness shut off cue that most adults get.

The relatively new Illinois felony “social host” law will likely be invoked in this case: if great bodily harm or death results, the parent (host) faces possible imprisonment and possible significant fines.

Kids shouldn’t die when they are still kids
Think, don’t take chances, make good choices!


Please tell your daughter I am sorry for her loss. I shall be thinking of her.
Vonna

Madonna & Child

I took this picture in Washington DC - their are so many museums - so much to do. What a beautiful city despite the fact that our economy has crashed. Take it one day at a time and we will all survive this. Together we can survive anything.

I had no idea that you could do this ~

Pardon me but I am a little behind lately - life has a tendency to get in the way.

8 months hit me hard - 8 months I cannot believe 8 month has passed almost 9 months now. Blindsided ~ smack me upside the head and took me down for the count.

I am still hear!

As I read Dr. Keller's blog the following post hit a nerve within me that has motivated me to ~ let's say WAKE-UP!

Blog entry ~ Friday, September 05, 2008

Regular folks can report drugs and doctors I was talking with the mother of an individual who died recently. As she mentioned, neither of them are young, but she reminded me of a statement I often reiterate, “Kids (no matter the age) shouldn’t die before their parents”.

Her son died of medication-related death, in that the prescribed medications he was taking likely complicated his underlying medical conditions (sleep apnea and heart disease) and the combination of those things led to his death. She wants to make sure it doesn’t happen to some other mother’s son. She has concerns about both the medications and her son’s doctor. In addition to our working with the Illinois Department of Professional Regulation on cases we feel are egregious on the doctors’ part and with the DEA on drug (medication)-related deaths, I told her she too can file report/complaints.

She was unaware of this, despite some research on her own, so I thought I’d throw the information up here so that more folks would be aware:

Consumers (i.e. regular folks) can file reports on medications (problems and concerns) with the FDA Med Watch Program. The forms and instructions are available online.

Concerns about individual physician’s can be filed with the Illinois Department of Professional Regulation (for some bizarre political reason actually the Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation. (Every state has their own variation of our state regulatory agency)

My spin on this post ~

I am beginning to believe that the "FRIENDS" of the children in our community that have died this past year have a story to tell.

What if they do KNOW the true story of what happened the night their "FRIEND" died. What secrets do they have inside that is burning a hole in their heart.
What are they afraid of? ~
What have they got to loose - Just another friend?

Think about it ~

"Talk to your Children hear them Speak"
~find out where the children an go to report any wrongdoing with out the fear of being called that 'rat' ~ It starts with you ~ the parent!

Thunder Needs Help ~

Thunder needs a home ~ he is so sweet read the whole story click here.

Thank you.

~Somewhere Over The Rainbow~

Today,
I attended the funeral for the mother of a very dear and close friend of our family.
We call him "Gar" ~ My daughter's "God Father", Jonathan's "Sponsor", my husband's dearest friend, & my buddy!

Although today was a very difficult day for me, it was another baby step I have taken down this yellow brick road. The mass was beautiful, I was tearful.

"Gar's" brother honored my son as well as others during his memorial to his mother. This took me by surprise, just about the time I had run out of Kleenex. At graveside this woman sang, and as she sung her last note the rain came, as if she had made the angles cry. We all looked for the rainbow but it did not come. I know it was their we just could not see it.



Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?
-----
This baby step I took today was the hardest baby step off all - "Gar" you are so lucky I didn't post the video with the "Lollipop League" guys - maybe someday!

May you rest in peace "Gar's" ma - you raised a good boy.

Finding Normal ~ U-Tube Video

This is very informative!

Should doctors be required to undergo special education in order to prescribe powerful narcotics?

I was just speaking to my doctor today with regards to this issue~
My doctor agrees with this ~ this is also a pressing issue in my opinion.

The Food and Drug Administration may soon recommend that they do so, though such a move would most likely prove controversial…

Dr. Rappaport said the F.D.A. was most concerned about potent and longer-acting narcotics like methadone, fentanyl and certain formulations of the drug oxycodone, the active ingredient in OxyContin.With methadone [when prescribed as a pain med], fentanyl, which is available in patches, has been associated with patient deaths and injuries resulting from physician misprescribing or inadvertent patient misuse…
In the last two years, the agency has sent out alerts to doctors about both methadone and fentanyl, but officials acknowledged that preventable patient deaths were continuing.

“We are putting out communications,” said Dr. Gerald Dal Pan, who directs the F.D.A.’s office of surveillance and epidemiology. “We don’t know why they are failing.”

We have seen “mistakes” in prescribing and talked with prescribing physicians who are very unfamiliar with proper doses and precautions with these meds (e.g. knowledge of drug-drug interactions compounding lethality), although still prescribing them.

When I say “we have seen”, I mean folks have died as a result.
The “boxed warnings” and informational mailings have failed. I think mandated training is a step in the right direction.

I will continue to ~SPEAK OUT~

Dr. Keller,

I came across a reference to a survey done by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University the other day. It is one of those “good news-bad news” bits of information.

While they have not seen an increase in drug use (that’s the good news), I found one set of findings particularly disturbing (although there was really nothing not disturbing in the findings):

For the first time in the CASA survey’s history, more teens said prescription drugs were easier to buy than beer (19 vs. 15 percent). The proportion of teens who say prescription drugs are easiest to buy jumped 46 percent since 2007 (13 vs. 19 percent). Almost half (46 percent) of teens say painkillers are the most commonly abused prescription drug among teens.

That first statement is incredible. Will this increased ease of acquiring prescription drugs to use and abuse lead to increased use in the near future? I think that it is very likely.

When teens who know prescription drug abusers were asked where those kids get their drugs:
• 31 percent said from friends or classmates;
• 34 percent said from home, parents or the medicine cabinet;
• 16 percent said other;
• Nine percent said from a drug dealer
The second listed source, in particular, should be relatively easy to control and we must get control or risk our children’s health and future.

It is easy to forget the illicit use of licit drugs in our haste to control illicit drug use, but our drug problem is a bigger problem.

Dr. Richard Keller, Lake County Coroner

I added a comment to Dr. Keller's blog -
I quoted this from the excerpt you posted Dr. Keller~

“Preventing substance abuse among teens is primarily a Mom and Pop operation,” noted Califano. “It is inexcusable, that so many parents fail to appropriately monitor their children, fail to keep dangerous prescription drugs out of the reach of their children and tolerate drug infected schools. The parents who smoke marijuana with children should be considered child abusers. By identifying the characteristics of problem parents we seek to identify actions that parents can take—and avoid—in order to become part of the solution and raise healthy, drug-free children.”

In my opinion!
Seems a great percentage of suburban parents & school system & the children themselves in my community just don't get it they seem to like to deny this entire drug issue.

YES THIS IS SO WRONG!

I do understand that an addict will do what ever it takes, lie, cheat steal, manipulate ~ to get what they want - some are predisposed to this disease ~ yes these issues start at home ~ some things are out of the control of parents, teachers & friends.

Sometimes you have to set them free to follow their own path with hopes that they make the right choices.

Great article - thank you for posting!

~4 your sister~

She has left 4 college 2 follow her journey~

~your house is a very special house~
you have left our house today ~
you have left to begin a new journey today ~
you have learned to be the survivor you are today ~
you have wisdom to know what is right from wrong ~
you have strength to confront whoever comes before you~
you have talent that will take you far~
you have confidence in who you are ~
you have the will to work hard now ~
you have courage to face fear ~
you have values to make the right choices ~
you have a future full of happiness & success ~
you have a mother and father who love you ~
you have a very special house that will always be your home ~

~we both love you~
xoxo
mom & dad
(copyright) vonna maslanka

It starts all over again ~

The numbness has worn off and the reality has set in ~ the grief process shall begin again after almost nine months of Jon's death.

Trigger Points:

My daughter is going off to college this weekend.
I shall become an empty-nester.
My oldest son grew up and came back to me as a friend.
I am stronger, have more knowledge than I did back in November of 2007.

It is said that "God" does not give us more than we can handle.
You certainly don't have to believe this statement above, this is how I feel.

As for what our County Coroner spoke of in his post that I read last night - I am angered at the fact that some parents can be so ignorant. In My Opinion - yes IT IS WRONG

I need time to digest this post of Dr. Keller's as getting the facts straight is important ~

Another drug-related death

Another drug-related death of a young man (in his 20s) this week (not to mention the gentleman in his 50s or the woman in her 30s, they are no less tragic and they also died drug-related deaths this week)

He died of heroin intoxication, abuse, over-use. What also stood out with this young man is that when we tested several items from his room for drug residue we came up with results that beg action or reaction. We found a dollar bill with heroin residue, cocaine residue on his dresser, cocaine and THC residue on a small scale in his room, and a part of a jeweler’s screwdriver with THC residue.

Youthful experimenting? To me it screams the need to get honest information repetitively out to the public (how do you get it to the youth of our community?). Among other important bits of information, that the heroin on our streets right now is potent and particularly deadly. We must develop and push prevention; we must develop and push treatment.

It will be work, hard work, but aren’t these folks worth it?

The Clock of Life ~

I dedicate this to you Kerry ~
I shall miss you dearly ~

The clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop
At late or early hour.

To lose one's wealth is sad indeed,
To lose one's health is more,
To lose one's soul is such a loss
That no man can restore.

The present only is our own,
So Live, Love, toil with a will --
Place no faith in 'Tomorrow' --
For the clock may then be still.

Robert H. Smith
©1932-1982

Suicidal Thoughts ~ watch your child

I read Dr. Keller's blog everyday.
I find information that helps guide me through this process of losing a child.
I share all of this with you so that maybe just maybe you would 'get it'

- we, yes we as parents are responsible for gaining the knowledge and passing it on to your children, not the teachers in the public schools, yes they need to be educated as well.

Excuse me! Did you know that Suicide, not accidents, not homicide, is now the third leading cause of death of high school students doesn't this disturb you.
The world is different, the world has changed.

- we must teach and education them at a younger age
- we as parents can change the future of our children
- we need to wake up and "Smell the Rose's"

What do they say - learn something new everyday, well keep clicking, dig deeper ~ trust me this is just a small start!

New York Times

Symptoms
Early signs:
Depression
Statements or expressions of guilt feelings
Tension or anxiety
Nervousness
Impulsiveness
Critical signs:
Sudden change in behavior, especially calmness after a period of anxiety Giving away belongings, attempts to "get one's affairs in order" Direct or indirect threats to commit suicide Direct attempts to commit suicide.
------
Suicide: premeditated vs. "crime" of passion
Friday, July 11, 2008,
Dr. Richard Keller - blog post

I came across an interesting article this week (via the NAME list serv) about suicide. Early on it brings up an interesting statistic that “the nation’s suicide rate (11 per 100,000 inhabitants) is almost precisely what it was in 1965”. Despite all the research, all the programs, all the new medications, the rate has not changed in over 40 years. That really is startling.

The author, as well as some researchers, feels that that is due to a dichotomy in suicidal behavior, much as there is in homicide. He discusses a premeditation vs. passion division amongst deaths by suicide. The premeditated suicides are most easily impacted by programs, medications, and therapy. The passion or impulsive suicides not so much. His discussion resonates with my experience.

The impulsive suicides are best impacted by creating “barriers to suicide or means restriction”. This was well documented (and then ignored) in the 60s and 70s in Great Britain. Death by suicide dropped by a third with the change from coal-gas to natural gas stoves during those decades. In the 50s “sticking one’s head in the oven” accounted for half of all British suicides. "Many of those were impulsive acts using a means with little time for second thoughts". “Remove it, and the process slowed down; it allowed time for the dark passion to pass".

We need to modify how we address death by suicide, how we think about death by suicide. They are not homogeneous (neither the individuals nor the methods) and likely require multiple, varied interventions. Youth particularly fall into the more impulsive category, making brief, timely interventions critical. This recognition of differences can lead to more successful intervention.

But never lose sight of the underlying condition:

"They had wanted their inner pain to stop; they wanted some measure of relief; and this was the only answer they could find. They were in spiritual agony, and they sought a physical solution."

Listen to him ~ HEAR HIM SPEAK!

Let's deal with the issue by changing the subject ~

"It isn't anyone's fault for something so bad to happen, but people should look into how they relate to another.

This is very real, as real as it gets I feel. It really is all about how you choose to act and be around the people we share this word with. Everyone's got emotions and feelings, and we can brush it off as naive, but when it comes down to it, these are the things we love about our friends, family, and so on.

Sometimes we get caught up in our own B.S. that we forget that how we act and choose to carry ourselves inadvertently affects those around us.

Whether we realize it or not, but we usually don't, that's the thing.

Sometimes we think time heals all wounds and actions will just wash away, but they don't.

Every action has a reaction, like the great Issac Newton said.

We all need to realize that our actions do have consequences.

I do my best to be good to people, and everyone should always keep that in mind as well. It's not the easiest thing to do, it's challenging, but anything that is truly rewarding usually is. As tough as times get, it's important to carry respect and live as though "God" is watching, or just for the simple fact that it feels better.

Let your conscious be your guide. We see others behaving badly or non-righteously and we can get caught up in it.

Like a fine line between sensitivity and truly hurt feelings, there is also between humor and disrespect.

Everyone deserves some form of respect, but don't let yourself be taken advantage of in the process."
"Be Righteous. Live Righteously."
"Peace, Love, and Happiness."

~Listen to him hear him speak ~
A note from one of Jon's good friends.

Take the Drug Test

I'll tell you my score if you tell me yours?

Click!

Change Part 2 ~

Anonymous said:
"Open the door for them so they can hold out their hand to you."

I knocked on that door to my friends who became stranger's ~ they shut the door in my face ~ at least my hand was out of the way ~

Young people die using/abusing drugs

Dr. Richard Keller

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Young people use/abuse drugs. Young people die from using/abusing drugs. We need to stop young people from dying from drug use/abuse. (The same goes for older people, but it always seems more shocking when it is young people who die. Is more potential lost?)

I was reading an interview with Dr Drew Pinsky (currently rehab doctor to the stars) recently and he sure makes it sound tough. Although he wasn’t talking about young people in particular, he laid out the 3 events that motivate change in his experience, i.e. motivate folks to quit abusing drugs:

Near death experience (i.e. the drug abuser nearly dying)
Looking in the mirror and feeling genuine disgust
Loss of your children, having them taken away (particularly true of women)

I feel there must be other ways to motivate the desire to make the life change involved in quitting the abuse of the drugs, particularly in young people. Or do we work at instilling self-disgust, if his motivating events are all-inclusive. The younger the person is when we begin to intervene the less entrenched the drug abuse behavior is. That should make available more intervention options. Of course, prevention is an even better goal to drug abuse prevention.

“Just say no” isn’t working, as evidenced by multiple studies. We need real, evidence-based intervention strategies. Scaring them straight doesn’t work. Their minds are still developing, but their intellect is there. Interventions need to use that fact.

There has to be something that we can do.
The 24 year-old young lady didn’t need to die today.

~My kids ~ I love them so~

Dear Momma,

So your daughter texted me a few times today telling me about dashboard confessional (me and Jon's band) and I got jealous!! Ha Ha! I was supposed to go with her...it was us against the world dammit! I'm so proud of her. She seems like shes doing well and staying positive and strong. So I wanted you to know that I'm proud of you too momma, you're a fabulous momma so don't ever think different. I love you oh so much.

And you know that I love Jonathan and "K" with all my heart too. You all will never leave me. We're family and family sticks together through whatever.

I had a dream about him a few days ago and all I remember was waking up happy. I was partially sad yet smiled and felt relieved. It was as though he was there telling me that every things good. I have a song from Mariah Carey that I dedicate to him from me. It's kinda sad and comforting at the same time...weird...but completely tells my story.
It's called Bye Bye.
READ THE LYRICS AND LISTEN TO IT AT THE SAME TIME.

I love you Vonna momma. MWUAH!
I should be back soon to give you a real hug.

::HUG::

Heath

“Good” Heroin ~vs~ "Tainted" Heroin Causing Deaths

Friday, June 27, 2008
Dr. Richard Keller ~ Blog Post

As I mentioned in my talk the other day, the movie “American Gangster” among other things, shows what happens in an area (Harlem in the 70s) when the quality/purity of heroin improves. It is somewhat easy to miss, but before the consumer base stabilizes there are a number of addicts that die because they aren’t used to the less cut heroin suddenly available on the streets. They continue to use the amount of drug that they were using and it becomes an overdose before they realize it.

Something similar is apparently happening locally, as well as elsewhere in the country. We are seeing what looks like an increase in deaths due to heroin overdose (it is a bit early in the course to call it a trend, but it looks like it). Local law enforcement initially felt the deaths were due to “tainted” heroin, i.e. heroin cut/mixed with something that was causing the deaths in these folks. We have in the past seen fentanyl, a much more lethal drug, mixed in or replacing the heroin, causing similar deaths.

It was the opinion of my office that the deaths were more likely due to purer (“stronger”) heroin. Our toxicology testing has bourn that out. There is really good heroin on our streets.

I also warned the teens the other day that that purity also makes it more tempting to try this very addicting drug. You can snort it instead of using a needle. The numbers of those addicted will take longer to surface, but I suspect that that will grow as well with the increased purity. Teens, in particular, must be educated to not try the drug, their developing brains are even more susceptible to its addictive properties.

“Good” heroin is not a good thing. It contributes to all the problems inherent in the addicted population; physical problems, social problems, problems with the law. It contributes to death. Our tools consist of law enforcement, education and awareness, and treatment. All must be brought to bear on this problem.

Yet another ~ He passed away the afternoon of June 21, 2008

R.I.P. ~ yes another group on Facebook for their friend ~

They speak of him on facebook with shock, love and memories ~ I am finding facebook to be a wonderful place for those to memorialize & grieve for their friend.

"He was probably one of the most amazing, compassionate and nicest guys I've come across with in my life. It's hard to swallow the fact that he's gone, but he is in a better place now.. a much better place now.

Although this is a heartbreaking thing to have happened, along with mourning we should celebrate. Celebrate the life the life he lead. All the good times, and the funny things he would always say and do. If you knew him, or even encountered a moment with him, you know exactly what I'm talking about."

I don't quite know how many have succumbed to this terrible tragedy in our area - but it is many this past year.

I think of all of you with love and with hope that you are healing together in what I call "heaven"

Rock on Guys ~

Stevenson High School Lake County Coroner Speaks

I spoke with a group of 40 students at Stevenson High School yesterday. I told them about what the Coroner and his “Office” does (in some detail, I had an hour and 15 minutes). Who we are in our office and what we do (often a bit more than is done in other coroner offices). I answered a number of questions. We discussed causes of death, manners of death (natural, accident, suicide, homicide and undetermined), ways of identification, post-mortem entomology, all manners of stuff “coroner”.

It was a bit tricky because the instructors had already written the test questions based on my talks the last 2 years and I don’t talk from notes, so I can’t necessarily guaranty repetition of all the material from one year to the next. I was prompted to cover an entomology point by a question from one of the instructors, so I must have got the other material, thankfully for the test-takers.

Most importantly, at times hopefully cleverly and at times blatantly, I peppered my talk (as I always do) with tips and reminders useful in their forestalling death. Honest warnings about drugs, recommendations about making good choices and not taking chances.

Interesting, informative, cautionary, I do my best. Besides, as I told them, giving those types talks are my favorite part of the job.

What a great man~

A Unexpected Change ~ Part One

What has changed in the past 6 months that have gone by. I ask myself this question in hopes of of releasing myself from the old, the new, and what awaits lurking in the shadows of my own future.

The old ~ Part One
My OLD friends they are gone, they are here but they are gone. They grieve too, and I
understand this. My son, their nephew, their friend, the little boy they held in their arms is dead, he is gone and never coming back in the physical sense they understand. Why they are not communicating with me is their problem and not mine.

What they don't understand is that I shall not bite them, I shall grieve with them, we can help each other. Am I wasting to much time worrying my OLD friends?

No, time is never wasted if you use it wisely. Hope & Peace I wish to my OLD friends ~ they will someday connect back with me ~ when they face their own fears and or demons of grief.

~ I must say goodnight, get a good night sleep ~ so that I may concentrate; as tomorrow is another day.

Baby Steps

Baby Steps
I went out today to see if I could break the monotony in my life ~
As all good days come to an end~

I still had to come home ~
It is still a home but an empty house ~
It is an empty house with people in it ~

Copyright © nope it isn't but I wrote it please don't take it ~ Thank you.
vonna maslanka ~ 6/15/08

Grief 4 Today ~

We all grieve differently
Some grieve quietly
Solemn in their grief not wanting
To show their pain
While some are loud
Letting the pain out for all to see and then beginning
The long battle of healing
Some hold their grief in for so long
That eventually it eats at them
Causing them to misdirect it
In different ways unknowingly pointing
The pain of loss toward others not wanting of it or deserving
When instead they should be letting go and moving on

Grief is not a friend
For it makes one angry, sad, exhausted, and confused
Grief is an unwanted guest for it stays for a long, long, time
Seemingly never wanting to leave
Once in a while it will allow some peace but for only a brief time span
It would rather curl it’s black tentacles around and keep you in it’s grip forever

And then one day you realize you are starting to feel a little better
As the seasons change so do we
In time we shall heal
You start to get back into your routine and realize grief is finally
Packing up to end it’s long overstayed visit
For it was a long process this visit from grief
Each day gets a little better
Keep on moving
Stay busy
One day, Grief is finally gone
Until the next time it is required to visit again

Stephanie J. DeMartino ~ author

Pennies From Heaven

Pennies From Heaven

I found a penny today

Just laying on the ground

But it’s not just a penny

This little coin I’ve found

Found pennies come from heaven

That’s what my Grandpa told me

He said angels toss them down

Oh, how I loved that story

He said when an angel misses you

They toss a penny down

Sometimes just to cheer you up

Make a smile out of your frown

So don’t pass by that penny

When you’re feeling blue

It may be a penny from heaven

That an angel’s tossed to you
Copyright © 1998 C. Mashburn

Methadone for pain relief can be permanent!

I am a little late with this update from our coroner's office - but I thought this an interesting read - ~~~

Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Methadone for pain relief can be permanent
I was reading an article entitled “The Methadone Poisoning Epidemic” in The Forensic Examiner magazine (sorry no link, it was paper) and I wanted to share a few points with you.

Using information from a National Center for Health Statistics report the author relates that in 2003 methadone-related deaths rose 29%, while drug related deaths as a whole only increased 6%. In addition, methadone was responsible for more deaths than any single prescription painkiller listed (that doesn’t reflect our experience while we see these sorts of methadone overdose deaths, those with hydrocodone and oxycodone are in higher numbers here). The number of unique patient prescriptions for methadone increased 80% through 2005 and 2006 (in most cases prescribed for pain management).

The real key and the point the author really stresses is that methadone overdoses occur by in large in folks using methadone as a pain medicine, not in folks on methadone as maintenance therapy for opiate addiction. This is primarily because while the drug half life in the body is 24 to 36 hours, the pain relief effect lasts 4-6 hours. While the intent is to reach steady state for pain modulation, folks start chasing their pain with additional doses. Those additional doses build over time because of the long “real” half life with lethal consequences.

This lethality is compounded by concomitant use of other medications and certain underlying medical conditions, like sleep apnea and prolonged QT interval heart conduction problems.

Methadone is a dangerous drug for pain management and many don’t realize that (patients and doctors alike). It should be used with caution and only with a physician very familiar with the drug and with highly motivated and conscientious patients.

Never to young for a lullaby ~

Life has becomes an unexpected pleasure for me, this may sound a tad like I
just fell off my rocker, grief can be what I call "Good Grief" ~ just like Charlie Brown ~
I have learned from this tragedy is that you are never to old for a lullaby!
I sang these when he was born, and I sang these songs to him six months ago~

Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass

And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat

And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull

And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover.

And if that dog named Rover won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.

And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

Are you sleeping, are you sleeping?
My son Jon, My Son Jon?
Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing
Ding dang dong, ding dang dong.

"What is lovely never dies, put passes into other loveliness"
Thomas Bailey Aldrich

I love you a bushel and a Peck and a Hug around the Neck!
xoxo ma

Dr. Richard Keller wrote a letter ~

Thank you Dr. Keller ~

“Many adults and youth are likely to encounter a suicidal person at some point in their professional or personal lives, but lack the skills, comfort level, and training to recognize warning signs or respond effectively…a community-wide cadre of trained “gatekeepers” may make a difference.”

A recent attempt to help develop a “cadre of trained “gatekeepers”” in Lake County middle and high schools met with minimal success. The Lake County Suicide Prevention Task Force will continue to push for that with materials developed locally by Dr John Jochem. We will be working with the Regional Office of Education Superintendent’s Office into the next school year in another attempt to get the material to school personnel at all levels.

However, to attempt to reach a tipping point sooner and to offer it to even more individuals who regularly interact with youths who might be suicidal I am sending the links to the material for your review and consideration. These materials are available on the Lake County Coroner website.

Letter to school administrators

Project Safety NET


Feel free to use the materials for education in your organizations, communities of faith, etc and feel free to disseminate them to others who might be interested.

Richard L Keller, MD
Lake County Coroner
Lake County Suicide Prevention Task Force

Blog Post from Dr. Richard Keller ~

Something I found interesting ~

Social Smarts ~

Today's children are just not coming into school -- into life -- equipped with adequate social skills and character development that helps them understand that this kind of behavior is simply not OK. They are not taught to respect and value differences among people, in opinions, in actions…
People may argue that social skills education belongs in the home, not in the schools, and I'd be the first to agree. But, our schools have become a war zone, where teachers spend more time disciplining students and trying to keep order than they do teaching! Is it any wonder our schools under-perform? If you were losing 20/30/50% of your average educational time because of behavior issues, how effective do you think you could be?

The “Social Smarts” program emphasizes:
… thinking "beyond oneself"
… kindness and consideration in all dealings with others
… behavior must not only be taught, but also must be practiced and reinforced by example in the family, in schools, and in the child's everyday world.
Rather than dismiss manners and etiquette as old-fashioned, fussy, and irrelevant… we need to return to a more civilized period of behavior, where people are responsible and accountable for their words and actions.

Although the world can be a rough place in which to live, and we cannot always change what others say and do, we can change how we act and speak, and hope that by "keeping our own houses clean" we can serve as positive examples in our homes, our communities, and in the world at large.


(Dr, Keller adds~)

Couldn’t we all use a refresher in proper social skills and frequent reminders of proper manners and proper action?

Teaching these skills and principles in our schools and working with parents to help them reinforce the lessons and working with society (including the media in all its forms) to highlight good examples that will likewise reinforce manners and “good” behavior can help reclaim our future and our future generations. It can improve our society, decrease violence and all its terrible consequences (yes, including death).

[Although I do believe we need a non-proprietary, inexpensive program that is easy to disseminate to all, because all are in need.]

I believe we need to teach our children ~ our children are not invincible ~

Memorial Day Weekend

Well, I was going to write a poem, but need to get the gas tank filled as I am sure the price's will of gasoline will be up for MORE SO for the holiday weekend ~

This was one of Jon's biggest weekends, always hated it too - as he had to stay at the pool to qualify to become a lifeguard for summer - he said it so like boring ~ having to look at all those hottie girls in their racer backs~ roflmao ` Especially - Dee & Cher ~

4 My Children ~ I love you all~

Medication sharing can result in death

I grabbed this from Dr. Richard Keller, our Lake County Coroner ~
IMO - a need to know for passers by!

…roughly 23 percent reported loaning their prescription medications to someone else, and 27 percent reported borrowing prescription medications.

The medications most frequently shared (loaned or borrowed) were allergy drugs like Allegra (25 percent), followed by pain medications like Darvocet and OxyContin (22 percent); and antibiotics like amoxicillin (21 percent).

Seven percent of those interviewed said they shared mood-altering drugs like Paxil, Zoloft, Ritalin and Valium.
This certainly seems to agree with what we see in our cases of death due to licit drug intoxication or overdose, although certainly our death cases are more heavily weighted toward pain meds and “mood-alerting drugs”. This is a huge problem. People really don’t realize the danger in sharing, trading, and taking someone else’s meds. Just because they come from a drug store doesn’t mean they are always safe.