Spread the Word Keep it Moving!

Jon's first love -
It's hard enough to think about him, see pictures, hear stories, or even talk to others about him, but writing about him scares the living shit out of me and I'm not sure why. Maybe because my heart throbs and I get all choked up. Either way, I just want all of you to know that no matter what, he is here.

I believe that he is within each and everyone of us and will remain with us until it is our time to meet with him. Each of us has something unique and different with him that we will remember him by. I know most of you think that I'm just his ex. True, but to be honest, I think of us as best friends who loved and cared for each other more than anyone else whether we made it known to others or not.

We both fought hard through our relationship but despite the breakup and things not working out we still held on to each other somehow. It was hard to do, but we managed to do it well. We kept in touch and knew deep down how we really felt about each other. I loved him more than anything.

We actually thought that one day we'd be married and have kids running around all crazy spraining ankles (Jon) and hungry little hippo's always eating (me). It hurts knowing that he no longer has the chance to fulfill that dream of his. Whether it was supposed to be with me or someone else, it didn't matter it still causes my heart to ache horribly. But it is okay.

As hard as it is to say that, it is. I know it is. Everything happens for a reason and although this was "not supposed to happen" and was truly unexpected to all of us, let's face it...IT HAPPENED. (I can't believe I just said that)
We can now learn from it.

Those of us who take life for granted.

Those of us who don't stand our ground and lend out a shoulder for others who aren't strong enough to lean on.

Those of us who just feel plain lost or lonely in life: YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Jon and I both went through feeling like that for a long time. We talked about it plenty of times but we reminded each other to stay strong and tried to help one another get through it. Who knew Jon and I were so close after the crap that happened between us. I loved him, still do, and always will. As much as I don't want to say this for the public to read, part of me wishes I never left his side as a girlfriend. I did love him, so why didn't I just suck up the crap and stay with him? Sometimes I feel like none of this would have happened. He told me I kept him in check.

Well what the hell? Did I fail? I know it's not my fault. They tell me it's a part of dealing with this and that sooner or later it will pass. I don't know if my heart will ever repair.

When I found out he passed away wearing the cross I bought him in High School I seriously thought my heart stopped beating. Eddie *Jon's step dad* was wearing it and asked if I wanted it back. Of course I did, but I felt that he needed it. Part of me wanted to run away with it crying, but a bigger part of me knew what to do. I let him keep it while teary-eyed. I may eventually get married and continue to live life, but it will never be the same. However I know he will always be with me. Jonny owns a huge part of my heart that no one will ever be able to replace, **Ever**

Keep your heads up high cause he's looking down on us wanting us to smile and take what happened, learn from it,spread the word, and keep moving.

Heather Jae Leeds

A poem I wrote the day before I flew out for the funeral:

In Memory Of Jon

You left without saying goodbye
And we’re not quite sure just why
All I know is it hurts me
And at times I need to cry

But now it’s all too late
I’ll wait till the day I die
To meet you up in heaven
For us again to see eye to eye

We were each others first love
It was so perfect and rare
Although things caused us heartache
You know I always did care

High school sweethearts defines us
We always stuck together
And I want you to know this Jonny
That this love will be forever

You used to call me bub
I always laughed and smiled
I’ll truly never forget
how you used to be so wild

I’ll miss you more than anything
More than words will ever express
But I want you to always remember one thing
I’ll never stop loving you any less

I now have a guardian angel
to always watch over me
His name is Jon McEachern
and he’s taught me all that I could be

I Love you Jon.

Jon's Friends ~ Feelings~ Post #3

Life Isn't A Ritual (WE ARE ALIVE!)

3:38am Today

I want to say something, but i don't know what to say. it's 3 in the morning, I'm sick, I can't sleep. Sure, we weren't the best of friends, but I knew you, and I knew you were a good soul, a sweet person with a great sense of humor, and most certainly a friend indeed. you were one of us man, and now one of us is gone.

I've been sick with a virus for about a week now and have been completely sober, due to my throat being as raw as an uncooked chicken (lol).

Given this opportunity, I've been able to think with a clear mind about my life, about my direction, about where I'm going.

I think about you all the time man. I question why you left us and what good, if anything, could come from this tragedy. I look back at my life and where I'm at and sometimes I feel sick to my stomach. I get this hopeless feeling like I have no direction, no purpose, I'm simply living to die. I'm not a walking zombie by any means: I have friends, family that loves and cares about me, I find things I am truly interested in and which keep me entertained and happy (music, movies, ex.). Yet, a part of me still feels lost, confused, and direction less. I feel like you and I have a lot in common, and I constantly consider how easy it is to make that one decision that could ultimately, negatively affect and alter the rest of my life.

Surely, we all feel the pressures of life.. sometimes all we need to do is talk about it, to someone at least, to gain a different perspective. This life we live is a constant learning experience. I'm at an age, 22, where I've never questioned my existence more so than any other time in what is my short life. I can't sleep because my mind races. I figure I've grown so accustomed to a certain lifestyle that is hard to break. I smoke *** inadvertently to mask the reality that is my ever shortening life.

Everyday I wake up to the same routine. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I know how easy it is to get caught up in the pain and difficulties of this world. I hate to say it, but I've felt hopeless countless times. I still question my purpose, but ultimately it is up to us to direct our lives. Living this turbulent and confusing life doesn't come with a manual, although it certainly would help. Sometimes we do not have the answers to our questions. I believe at this very point in time that I am at a crossroads. I've been living basically the same life for 5+ years now. I fear now that if I don't make a significant change in my lifestyle that I never will. I don't believe I personally would resort to the same things as you, but there are countless ways of subconsciously letting go of life. You could of got help, you could of been anything. I know this now, that I CAN do this. It isn't easy, but it CAN be done. I know that I need to change my habits, the ones that are slowly destroying me. I'm seeing outside of myself and I want change. And I miss you man, and I hate myself for what happened to you. I hate the circumstances of life that led to this very situation. My biggest fear is that I will wake up tomorrow and sink back into my monotonous lifestyle, that no change will come. "Be the change that you want to see in the world."

I'm going to make a difference in my life Jon.

I know things were hard for you, God knows I wish I could of helped. To do something. Anything. I still have myself and I know it isn't going to be easy, but than again I also know I MUST do this. For myself, for you, for my family.

Sometimes it's so easy for me to forget that I am alive. That this is all RIGHT NOW. That I do have the power to change and that every action and decision I make has an inverse affect. We all are living, even though sometimes it feels like a ritual. I am here right now and as long as I have that opportunity, I can make a difference. I'm 22, in a year I will be 23, than 24, and on and on. Even more so than the years are the days, the seconds.. every waking moment on this earth. To give something back to the world, to make a difference, an impact.

You have brought us together to remember the great amazing qualities you had, and the joy and happiness you brought to those around you. It makes me smile to see the affect you have on all these people.

Through your loss brings me life. My constant reminder that every moment matters, everything we do has purpose and meaning, and I have more ability and purpose than I give myself credit for. You will always be there as a reminder of a great soul who tragically fell down the wrong path. As long as your light shines, I shall use you as a guide.

Your a lighthouse hommie. R.I.P. and Love.

Jon's Friends ~ My Response

***- that was beautiful ~ *** thank you for posting your thoughts.

You all are connected & share a common bond now ~ Jon is gone ~ but lives inside each and everyone of you. Your duty to yourselves is to learn to cope with your feelings, learn to cope with the loss of your "friend". U need to communicate with each other, speak, explain to each other how you are dealing with this tragedy. Speak out like *** has ~ speak up like *** ~ this will begin your healing process. Get angry ~ get pissed off ~ get it OUT! Everyone grieves in different ways, but as you communicate amongst yourselves, you shall move on through the grief process & get to the great memories you have of Jon. I cannot possibly understand how you feel, as you cannot possibly understand how I feel. I have lost a part of my soul. I am Jon's mother ~ Jon was my son ~ children are not suppose to die before their parents.

I have started a blog for Jon ~ www.jdmachope.blogspot.com ~ with hopes of updating this my website which will be completely dedicated to everyone that has to deal with such a tragedy as this.

~ please feel free to post your comments ~ on his blog ~ I will publish them ~ as I am hoping someone will pass by & start their healing process as they read, realizing they are not alone.

Sincerely,
Momma Mac ~ U can officially call me that!
I am hugging all of U ~