Please take note:
Partially quoted and edited by me to protect anonymity ~
While certainly I am not an expert on anything, I can share a bit of experience, strength and hope with you at this time. I found interesting the things people would do to avoid having conversation with me about my child ~~~~
It was as though they were afraid they might become infected with the death of a child of their own. Our experience in losing child ~~~~ only perpetrated their fear of losing their own child or children.
My husband and I were NOT able to discuss our feelings with each other for quite some time, as we were both reeling in our own sense of loss. I do not judge this, I only share this as an observation. You are correct in your assertion that time will change the immediate issue of your pain.
However, you have to, and I say this in a supportive and loving voice, honor your feelings. To pretend they do not exist denies your love for your son. Remember that each tear you cry, each smile you etch on your face, each memory and the feelings that accompany each memory are a tribute to your son. How wonderful that you FEEL as though part of you is gone, for that is the truth.
What I discovered for myself is that once the pain and longing for my child ~~~ diminished in intensity, my relationship with him changed. I still have a relationship with him. Sometimes I can feel him, very close. Sometimes I hear his voice in the voice of his siblings and nieces and nephews. I rarely share this with others, as we all have our own walk and experience with death.
So, part of you has gone, but it will return, I promise. One moment, sometime in your future, you WILL feel whole again. You are exactly how and where you are supposed to be at this moment. Nothing is out of order, nothing is chaotic, everything is perfect. Your pain is love. Your pain is the most intense manifestation of your love. Trust it, let it come and go, like the tide. Do what you must do to honor yourself and him.
I do not wish this experience on any parent. At the same time, parents have been dealing with the death of their children since the beginning of time. You will heal, you will survive, you will again thrive.
Forgive those closest to you who cannot offer you support or encourgement. Reach out to those who can.
Take good care of you, be gentle with yourself, and know you are an incredible mother.
Again, I would like to say ~ with hopes of others passing by, maybe just may one of these entries may just help someone Just like Me~
Today, I am well, let's just say ~ I will take it minute by minute ~ Vonna
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Please take note: