How she cope's!

"For each minute that passes me by, seems like a second or two with a blink of an eye. Time keeps turning, but my memories stand still. When the world seems to crumble around me, I find my strength and goodwill. I keep on truckin, and keep on fighting. For it's you that taught me all of this. And through all your hardships and troubles, you deserve your peace and happiness."
Love you Jonathan.
las vegas

Just some correspondence I received ~

Don't you ever hesitate to tell people what you need, because you have lots of friends and family who are more than willing to help you take the steps you need to get through the day. Walking in your shoes would be the be the most gut-wrenching pain that a mother could go through... pain that you should not feel isolated in dealing with. I love you, V ~ and I know lots of other people do, too!!!

I'm glad to see that you've been working on beads/jewelry stuff again. Your stuff is fabulous as always... I always think it shows a piece of you -- kinda like when you look at a painting from a famous artist and wonder what was going through their mind. I look at your jewelry and beads and its almost like a glimpse into your life at that moment in time... :) Scary, huh?!!! LOL!!!
But, really... you know what I mean. Your stuff has feeling behind it... not just the same thing cranked out over and over.

Anyway, I hope you are having a good day!

U know what I do with these email's -
I take a deep breath in read & and accept the kind wonderful words I am reading.

I received this wonderful email ~

Please take note:
Partially quoted and edited by me to protect anonymity ~

Dearest Vonna,

While certainly I am not an expert on anything, I can share a bit of experience, strength and hope with you at this time. I found interesting the things people would do to avoid having conversation with me about my child ~~~~

It was as though they were afraid they might become infected with the death of a child of their own. Our experience in losing child ~~~~ only perpetrated their fear of losing their own child or children.

My husband and I were NOT able to discuss our feelings with each other for quite some time, as we were both reeling in our own sense of loss. I do not judge this, I only share this as an observation. You are correct in your assertion that time will change the immediate issue of your pain.

However, you have to, and I say this in a supportive and loving voice, honor your feelings. To pretend they do not exist denies your love for your son. Remember that each tear you cry, each smile you etch on your face, each memory and the feelings that accompany each memory are a tribute to your son. How wonderful that you FEEL as though part of you is gone, for that is the truth.

What I discovered for myself is that once the pain and longing for my child ~~~ diminished in intensity, my relationship with him changed. I still have a relationship with him. Sometimes I can feel him, very close. Sometimes I hear his voice in the voice of his siblings and nieces and nephews. I rarely share this with others, as we all have our own walk and experience with death.

So, part of you has gone, but it will return, I promise. One moment, sometime in your future, you WILL feel whole again. You are exactly how and where you are supposed to be at this moment. Nothing is out of order, nothing is chaotic, everything is perfect. Your pain is love. Your pain is the most intense manifestation of your love. Trust it, let it come and go, like the tide. Do what you must do to honor yourself and him.

I do not wish this experience on any parent. At the same time, parents have been dealing with the death of their children since the beginning of time. You will heal, you will survive, you will again thrive.

Forgive those closest to you who cannot offer you support or encourgement. Reach out to those who can.

Take good care of you, be gentle with yourself, and know you are an incredible mother.

Again, I would like to say ~ with hopes of others passing by, maybe just may one of these entries may just help someone Just like Me~

____________________________

Today, I am well, let's just say ~ I will take it minute by minute ~ Vonna