Spread the Word Keep it Moving!

Jon's first love -
It's hard enough to think about him, see pictures, hear stories, or even talk to others about him, but writing about him scares the living shit out of me and I'm not sure why. Maybe because my heart throbs and I get all choked up. Either way, I just want all of you to know that no matter what, he is here.

I believe that he is within each and everyone of us and will remain with us until it is our time to meet with him. Each of us has something unique and different with him that we will remember him by. I know most of you think that I'm just his ex. True, but to be honest, I think of us as best friends who loved and cared for each other more than anyone else whether we made it known to others or not.

We both fought hard through our relationship but despite the breakup and things not working out we still held on to each other somehow. It was hard to do, but we managed to do it well. We kept in touch and knew deep down how we really felt about each other. I loved him more than anything.

We actually thought that one day we'd be married and have kids running around all crazy spraining ankles (Jon) and hungry little hippo's always eating (me). It hurts knowing that he no longer has the chance to fulfill that dream of his. Whether it was supposed to be with me or someone else, it didn't matter it still causes my heart to ache horribly. But it is okay.

As hard as it is to say that, it is. I know it is. Everything happens for a reason and although this was "not supposed to happen" and was truly unexpected to all of us, let's face it...IT HAPPENED. (I can't believe I just said that)
We can now learn from it.

Those of us who take life for granted.

Those of us who don't stand our ground and lend out a shoulder for others who aren't strong enough to lean on.

Those of us who just feel plain lost or lonely in life: YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Jon and I both went through feeling like that for a long time. We talked about it plenty of times but we reminded each other to stay strong and tried to help one another get through it. Who knew Jon and I were so close after the crap that happened between us. I loved him, still do, and always will. As much as I don't want to say this for the public to read, part of me wishes I never left his side as a girlfriend. I did love him, so why didn't I just suck up the crap and stay with him? Sometimes I feel like none of this would have happened. He told me I kept him in check.

Well what the hell? Did I fail? I know it's not my fault. They tell me it's a part of dealing with this and that sooner or later it will pass. I don't know if my heart will ever repair.

When I found out he passed away wearing the cross I bought him in High School I seriously thought my heart stopped beating. Eddie *Jon's step dad* was wearing it and asked if I wanted it back. Of course I did, but I felt that he needed it. Part of me wanted to run away with it crying, but a bigger part of me knew what to do. I let him keep it while teary-eyed. I may eventually get married and continue to live life, but it will never be the same. However I know he will always be with me. Jonny owns a huge part of my heart that no one will ever be able to replace, **Ever**

Keep your heads up high cause he's looking down on us wanting us to smile and take what happened, learn from it,spread the word, and keep moving.

Heather Jae Leeds

A poem I wrote the day before I flew out for the funeral:

In Memory Of Jon

You left without saying goodbye
And we’re not quite sure just why
All I know is it hurts me
And at times I need to cry

But now it’s all too late
I’ll wait till the day I die
To meet you up in heaven
For us again to see eye to eye

We were each others first love
It was so perfect and rare
Although things caused us heartache
You know I always did care

High school sweethearts defines us
We always stuck together
And I want you to know this Jonny
That this love will be forever

You used to call me bub
I always laughed and smiled
I’ll truly never forget
how you used to be so wild

I’ll miss you more than anything
More than words will ever express
But I want you to always remember one thing
I’ll never stop loving you any less

I now have a guardian angel
to always watch over me
His name is Jon McEachern
and he’s taught me all that I could be

I Love you Jon.

Jon's Friends ~ My Response

***- that was beautiful ~ *** thank you for posting your thoughts.

You all are connected & share a common bond now ~ Jon is gone ~ but lives inside each and everyone of you. Your duty to yourselves is to learn to cope with your feelings, learn to cope with the loss of your "friend". U need to communicate with each other, speak, explain to each other how you are dealing with this tragedy. Speak out like *** has ~ speak up like *** ~ this will begin your healing process. Get angry ~ get pissed off ~ get it OUT! Everyone grieves in different ways, but as you communicate amongst yourselves, you shall move on through the grief process & get to the great memories you have of Jon. I cannot possibly understand how you feel, as you cannot possibly understand how I feel. I have lost a part of my soul. I am Jon's mother ~ Jon was my son ~ children are not suppose to die before their parents.

I have started a blog for Jon ~ www.jdmachope.blogspot.com ~ with hopes of updating this my website which will be completely dedicated to everyone that has to deal with such a tragedy as this.

~ please feel free to post your comments ~ on his blog ~ I will publish them ~ as I am hoping someone will pass by & start their healing process as they read, realizing they are not alone.

Sincerely,
Momma Mac ~ U can officially call me that!
I am hugging all of U ~

I received this wonderful email ~

Please take note:
Partially quoted and edited by me to protect anonymity ~

Dearest Vonna,

While certainly I am not an expert on anything, I can share a bit of experience, strength and hope with you at this time. I found interesting the things people would do to avoid having conversation with me about my child ~~~~

It was as though they were afraid they might become infected with the death of a child of their own. Our experience in losing child ~~~~ only perpetrated their fear of losing their own child or children.

My husband and I were NOT able to discuss our feelings with each other for quite some time, as we were both reeling in our own sense of loss. I do not judge this, I only share this as an observation. You are correct in your assertion that time will change the immediate issue of your pain.

However, you have to, and I say this in a supportive and loving voice, honor your feelings. To pretend they do not exist denies your love for your son. Remember that each tear you cry, each smile you etch on your face, each memory and the feelings that accompany each memory are a tribute to your son. How wonderful that you FEEL as though part of you is gone, for that is the truth.

What I discovered for myself is that once the pain and longing for my child ~~~ diminished in intensity, my relationship with him changed. I still have a relationship with him. Sometimes I can feel him, very close. Sometimes I hear his voice in the voice of his siblings and nieces and nephews. I rarely share this with others, as we all have our own walk and experience with death.

So, part of you has gone, but it will return, I promise. One moment, sometime in your future, you WILL feel whole again. You are exactly how and where you are supposed to be at this moment. Nothing is out of order, nothing is chaotic, everything is perfect. Your pain is love. Your pain is the most intense manifestation of your love. Trust it, let it come and go, like the tide. Do what you must do to honor yourself and him.

I do not wish this experience on any parent. At the same time, parents have been dealing with the death of their children since the beginning of time. You will heal, you will survive, you will again thrive.

Forgive those closest to you who cannot offer you support or encourgement. Reach out to those who can.

Take good care of you, be gentle with yourself, and know you are an incredible mother.

Again, I would like to say ~ with hopes of others passing by, maybe just may one of these entries may just help someone Just like Me~

____________________________

Today, I am well, let's just say ~ I will take it minute by minute ~ Vonna