Living without him ~

Seems like yesterday when they took him away you wake up one day and wonder where or where did this past year go ~ This is all so unreal to me, much harder now than it was over a year ago.

Most of his Jon's friends have either moved on or are still in denial, my friends they come and go.

I have started to weed through the house, it is a cleansing experience that is not making me a happy camper. My refrigerator looks cleaner than when I purchased it!

His slippers finally moved from where they lie that day. His clothes put away nice and tidy, and yes, I smelled every shirt, every pair of pants, and even his socks ~ His TV works, his bed is made and his chair will stay put. Jonathan was young and did not have many belongings, this are my memories as I finally lay him to peace in this house.

As, I go through these days one day at a time, each day brings on a new experience, my life has forever changed and will never be the same as it was before. I am getting to the point of acceptance that learning to live with the fact that Jonathan is gone ~ forever! Yet, he still lives in my heart, my surroundings and always within my soul.

I do get out a little more, it is a very scary experience. I ventured out yesterday to run an errand which was near the pediatric dentists' office where I took all my children. I took a big step opened the door and low and behold, she was standing behind the desk.

When I was 9 years old, we used to eat peanut butter sandwiches together at her house, giggling so hard that milk came out of our noses ~ O~So~Gross ~

She didn't know, we talked we hugged & I told her to teach her children, I told her to make sure she scared him straight, as I did not want her to experience what I am experiencing now -

A mother should not lose a child before her eyes ~

I saw this on the Internet & wanted to share~

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 Hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table And poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the Empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and Favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner
Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."