Author Unknown

"A ray of sunshine, a balmy breeze.
Are a gift from God above
And He also gives us faithful friends.
To warm our hearts with love"
Author Unknown

Angry Teenagers

I found this article very interesting - as well as this website you should read more - it could help... IMO - boarding school costs money ~ we can as a community help these children ~ OUR CHILDREN!

Enough said - bookmark this if you would like and read it later - just have a Happy 4th of July - do you know what your children are doing tonight?

The Family School

By Jeffrey S. Brain, M.A., C.T.S. (Certified Trauma Specialist)

We live in violent times, in a country where an incident of child abuse is reported every ten seconds; where domestic violence claims the lives of three women every single day; and where every year half a million senior citizens are abused - most often by a member of their own family.

Considering that one in nine murders is committed by youth under 18, we can assume that most perpetrators of violent crimes are - or once were - angry teens. According to a recent survey, three out of four teenage boys admitted to hitting someone in the past year because they were angry. Almost half believe it's okay to hit or threaten a person who makes them mad, and have carried a gun, knife or club in the past month.

And one third agreed with the statement

"When I am really angry, there is no way I can control myself."

Learning to manage one's anger is an essential life skill for anyone, but especially for teenagers who frequently use anger as a response to the frustrations and stresses of growing up.

In this respect, anger (as well as other emotions like sadness, anxiety, hopelessness and self-pity), resembles alcohol. They can all be used to "self-medicate" - to compensate for the pressures and strains the teenager hasn't yet learned to deal with. Often anger itself becomes the coping mechanism, a way of exerting power and control over one's environment. Used habitually in this way, it is a dangerous substitute for healthier, more adaptive coping strategies-strategies that can't be learned until the anger can be managed. And like those who habitually use drugs, alcohol, eating, gambling or sex as coping mechanisms, those who use anger will find that it inevitably interferes with normal functioning, and can eventually destroy any opportunity for happiness or satisfaction in life.

The good news is that the 12-Step program, which has help millions of alcoholics, drug abusers, compulsive eaters, gamblers and others in the throes of addiction, can also help angry teens.

How the 12 Steps Work for Anger The core tenets of the 12 Steps, including rigorous honesty, are related to cognitive-behavioral therapy and share some of the same approaches for permanently changing one's behavior.

The 12 Steps challenge our thinking about the way we see and interpret experiences, and teach us how to respond to stress not in the heat of the moment, but according to our values and principles. The process involves not trusting our own thinking. This is an important concept in managing anger. The judgments and conclusions we draw when we are responding emotionally to a situation (i.e. the things we think when we are angry) often drive our physical reactions. In the 12-Step model, however, we learn to think beyond the emotion to a healthier, more adaptive response. Angry people are like the man whose house is set on fire and goes chasing after the arsonist instead of tending to the more important task of putting the fire out. His response is totally self-defeating, yet those who struggle with managing their anger can easily see themselves doing the same thing. Driven by the emotion of perceived wrong, they chase after others (revenge, resentment) rather than dealing with the real problem - the fire. In fact, many of us have lost the ability to put out our own fires. Instead, we automatically shift the responsibility for our anger to others, chasing them down while our life disintegrates around us. The analogy applies to alcohol and substance abuse as well, and to other addictions that can distract us from the more important work of dealing with the problems at hand. In many cases, teens turn to alcohol, drugs, food or sex to suppress their anger. While they may find temporary relief, the long term effects can be disastrous. With regular use, these substances and behaviors take on lives of their own. So even if the teen gets help and manages to make his or her problems and frustrations go away, the addiction remains.

A weekly Anger Management group what a concept for a school to implement with the lost children of their system. 12 step progman may have a stigma attached ~ get over it people!

Share you experiences with them, teach them strategies to help them regain balance, control and serenity in their lives as they move through the crises of adolescence toward responsible adulthood!

It's a whole new world out their ~ get with the program - on baby step at a time!

Well, just try walking in my shoes!

I don't believe in coincidence, that is just the way I feel, I was told by someone the other day I was crazy, unstable ~ Who me!

Well, just try walking in my shoes!

If you have lost a loved one and have not found Legacy Connect ~ I highly recommend you do so, it is a part of the Ning Network and is very easy to set up. Of course I am still at a stage of lurkness "so to speak"!

You are able to control your privacy settings, so of course at this moment I am still at a stage of lurkness "so to speak".

I check my email everyday, this one of the email's I received today ~ a day when I really needed to read this!

The article below is one of the many with information you may need to know!

By Russell Friedman and John W. James

For most people, the immediate response to the death of someone important to them is a sense of numbness. After that initial numbness wears off, the most common physiological reaction is a reduced ability to concentrate. The rest of the world goes out of focus. Nothing else is important.

It is normal and natural that your entire being is centered on what happened and your relationship with the person who died. The length of time that the reduced ability to concentrate lasts is individual and can vary from a few days to several months, and even longer. It is not a sign that there’s something wrong with you. The fact that the emotional impact of the death of that person has altered your day-to-day routines is very healthy. It would make no sense for you to not be affected by the death.

It is normal to drift out of focus in response to conscious or unconscious memories of the person who died. Please be gentle with yourself in allowing that your focus is not on the actions of life, but on your reactions to a death.

If you’re at work, you can take little “grief breaks” as needed. It’s a good idea to establish a safe person at work who you can talk to when and if you get overwhelmed. It’s also smart to have a phone pal you can call when the emotions keep you from concentrating. The breaks and chats will make you able to do the work you need to do.

Please keep in mind that it’s important to focus while driving a car. It’s not safe to drive with tears in your eyes. If need be, pull over. Allow yourself to have whatever emotions come up, and maybe call someone and talk for a while before you get back on the road.

When Your Heart Is Broken, Your Head Doesn’t Work Right

Along with not being able to concentrate, your thinking ability and judgment may be limited. That’s why grieving people are advised to be careful about making major life decisions in the aftermath of the death of someone important to them. To put it in simple terms, when your heart is broken, your head doesn’t work right. You must take care either not to make big decisions until you regain your ability to focus, or you must make sure you have people you trust to help you understand your choices and the consequences of what you decide.

There are other common physiological reactions to grief. Sleeping habits are often disrupted for an extended period of time. You may find yourself unable to sleep, or you may not be able to get out of bed. You can even go back and forth between those extremes. Eating patterns are also subject to confusion. You may not be able to eat at all, or you may not be able to stop. You can also ping-pong between those extremes. Sleeping and eating disruptions aren’t as common as the reduced ability to concentrate, but they can be really uncomfortable. If they happen, it also doesn’t mean you’re going crazy. It just means that your routines and habits are out of synch.

Another common grief reaction is best described as a roller coaster of emotions. It can be a wild ride, with tremendous emotional shifts. But, like concentration and the eating and sleeping issues, that roller coaster is one of the typical responses to the death of someone important to you. Don’t fight it, just go along for the ride, no matter how bumpy it might be. When it happens, it’s a good idea to call a friend, and talk about what you’re feeling. Talking about what you’re experiencing helps make sure you don’t trap your feelings inside.

Normal and Natural — Not Crazy

The reduced ability to concentrate; the disruption of sleeping and eating patterns; and the roller coaster of emotions are all normal and natural reactions to death. There is nothing crazy about them or you.

Those reactions usually diminish within time as you adapt to life without the person who died. But time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, nor does it complete anything that may have been left emotionally unfinished when the person died. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of wanting to have said one more “I love you and goodbye.” Sometimes it is a more complex set of communications that would include apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements.

It is always helpful to discover and complete anything that was left unfinished. Doing so will allow you to have fond memories not turn painful. It will also help you remember your person the way you knew them in life. And it will help you continue a life of meaning and value, even though it is altered by the absence of he person who died.

Above all, allow yourself to be out of rhythm. As we said, be careful when you’re driving and be cautious when making major decisions. Be gentle with yourself as you make your re-entry back into the flow of your life. But don’t judge yourself harshly because you are having any or all of the reactions we mentioned.

Words of Comfort ~

You don't just know what to say do you? Trust me I totally understand this - but let me give you a few tips that may help you comfort not just me; but anyone in the same situation.

It is inevitable that during your life time, you will have a loved one die, it is the truth.
This is a fact!

Let's just hope it is not your child.

As I help you I help myself my experience and journey.

1. Don't ignore the situation or change the subject. Tell me the truth, tell me how you feel.
2. Ask me how I am feeling today.
3. Don't compare the death of a person to the death of a pet.
4. JUST DON'T compare at all. - it's doesn't fit the situation at hand.
5. Try to answer my questions, if you don't have an answer, don't make one up just say "I don't know." I will understand.
6. Don't ask me a million questions - unless I want you to. Believe me I will tell you.
7. Invite me to do fun things. (I think you can figure this one out!)
8. Stay with me quietly when I am sad or feeling lonesome ~
9. Don't watch the calendar to see how fast I am grieving. That calendar you are watching does not exist!
10. Understand this never goes away, send me a hug via email, poke me on face book. If you happen to stop by just give me a hug.
11. Sometimes, the fact that you know others just think about you makes you get through the day!

That's my story today, and I am sticking to it!

deep thoughts

thoughts~

damn jon its almost a year, i wish that would make it easier to try and talk to you but it doesn't, i wish it made me feel less guilty but it doesn't, i just hope whatever your at right now is awesome and your at peace with yourself, ya know for a long time after your funeral i havent thought about you but i keep your picture in my wallet and i hope what ever is going on now is better then how things were. i wish i could talk to you just one more time man just to tell you how much we cared about you, but alas man im sure ill see you some 60 70 years from now and everything will be back to normal

much much love~a friend

Change Part 2 ~

Anonymous said:
"Open the door for them so they can hold out their hand to you."

I knocked on that door to my friends who became stranger's ~ they shut the door in my face ~ at least my hand was out of the way ~

A Unexpected Change ~ Part One

What has changed in the past 6 months that have gone by. I ask myself this question in hopes of of releasing myself from the old, the new, and what awaits lurking in the shadows of my own future.

The old ~ Part One
My OLD friends they are gone, they are here but they are gone. They grieve too, and I
understand this. My son, their nephew, their friend, the little boy they held in their arms is dead, he is gone and never coming back in the physical sense they understand. Why they are not communicating with me is their problem and not mine.

What they don't understand is that I shall not bite them, I shall grieve with them, we can help each other. Am I wasting to much time worrying my OLD friends?

No, time is never wasted if you use it wisely. Hope & Peace I wish to my OLD friends ~ they will someday connect back with me ~ when they face their own fears and or demons of grief.

~ I must say goodnight, get a good night sleep ~ so that I may concentrate; as tomorrow is another day.

Between Friends

Friends can be so awesome!
Curious aren't you! CLICK NOW!

Disorientation~

Every Day - every moment is so unpredictable for me ~

My Mind & Spirit ~

Today is that of disorientation ~
I am lost ~ my soul is deeply injured ~

My Body ~

This shall be another story as today ~ it is not just a copy and paste day, I really wanted to write something inspiring to help someone ~ I just can't ~ I don't even no if I spelled everything right.

To all my friends that pass by ~ I am deeply grateful to all of you.

I saw this on the Internet & wanted to share~

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 Hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table And poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the Empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and Favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner
Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Jon's Friends ~ Post #2

I feel this note is very well written and expressed as having the greatest sympathy for a lost friend. Its true the end of Jon's life was a downward spiral, tragic that he couldn't help himself, and tragic that others weren't there to intervene in his habits enough to save him.

Knowing that Jon was to pass away, everyone one of his friends would have been there to save him that night. Tho tragedy strikes like lightning, but you pay attention you'll see the forewarning darkness in the distance.

For Jon some may have seen this darkness but didn't yell loud enough, or decided to turn there backs hoping the clouds cleared in time.

I think to be angry is the exact sentiment one should have towards Jon's passing. I know I'm angry, not towards anyone person or persons, but for the fact that someone young and innocent got caught in the pull of addiction. I believe he wasn't shoved to the outskirts, but drawn to the outskirts by something that plagues the human race.

Just some correspondence I received ~

Don't you ever hesitate to tell people what you need, because you have lots of friends and family who are more than willing to help you take the steps you need to get through the day. Walking in your shoes would be the be the most gut-wrenching pain that a mother could go through... pain that you should not feel isolated in dealing with. I love you, V ~ and I know lots of other people do, too!!!

I'm glad to see that you've been working on beads/jewelry stuff again. Your stuff is fabulous as always... I always think it shows a piece of you -- kinda like when you look at a painting from a famous artist and wonder what was going through their mind. I look at your jewelry and beads and its almost like a glimpse into your life at that moment in time... :) Scary, huh?!!! LOL!!!
But, really... you know what I mean. Your stuff has feeling behind it... not just the same thing cranked out over and over.

Anyway, I hope you are having a good day!

U know what I do with these email's -
I take a deep breath in read & and accept the kind wonderful words I am reading.

Well I went and did it ~

I contacted the Oprah producers to see if I could get some help with regards to helping others through me - especially the children. Let's just hope they don't run with my idea as I did not give up to much in writing them. I just don't want to get burned, like I have in the past with my idea's.

The sun is out, but bitter cold outside. "HOW COLD IS IT YOU SAY" -
Just Too Cold for me............

Wish me luck with getting them to contact me back.

I know in my heart my Jon is not gone, the memories, the friends of his I see ~ the little things ~ he does lives on.

The petition is in the works to name the Skate Park after him, I should be able to get this done today.

One last thought ~ dream a little dream 4 me ~
Smiles 4 the day ~ mom

Another last thought - for those of you who try to force yourself before you are ready to do something you don't want to do - don't do it - grief takes time!
The loss of a child can be incomprehensible to some, even yourself.

I went to the book store on a mission today, I purchased the book I wanted. Strolling down the isles I of course got distracted ~ Drinking my Grande Breve Latte ( which I really can't afford ) from Starbucks and yes I can make it myself - see off topic I go again ~

"How a Person Dies" ~ not a good book for me to read at this stage of my grief, as the coroner hasn't come up with results yet.. my imagination left me filled with tears and sadness today.

Where am I now, laying in bed typing in the blog - resting my back as, yes I am such an Idiot for going outside in below zero weather which aggravated the arthritis in my spine.

Some of you may have heard me say this before, what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger.. Growl - here me roar!