Is a heroin overdose painful?

I really don't know the answer to that question all I know is that Jonathan is gone two and a half years today and I am "ANGRY" - I am angry that he really isn't coming home. He didn't just go off to college, he didn't travel the world, he hasn't called in a very long time; and the memory's are coming back, the painful one's of the day that changed my life as a mother forever!

A friend of mine were conversing the other day, what she said to me stunned me, as she has lost a child as well. I am grateful that we spoke that day. This is what she said.

Anger is part of the grief you feel, along with sadness, frustration and guilt. Those feelings are all normal and eventually the grief will fade and become part of who you are!

I hope someday soon, I will be far along enough in my journey to be able to take her words and apply them to my feelings. Right now, I don't want this to be part of who I am; I want my baby back, my son that wasn't meant to die. Maybe the answer is yes it is painful to overdose on heroin when a mother has to loose her son to a senseless accidental overdose. I would not wish this new journey I follow on anyone
_______________________________________________________________
I found this article and the link is below! The verb age is a tad bit raw, just saying, just in case.


All that I know on the subject I know first hand... I'm a recovering heroin addict, and have, on more than one occasion, overdosed. From pricking the skin, jacking it and then finally mainlining it you feel little pain... about six or seven seconds later a rapturous rush comes over you like never before amazing too amazing
It's at that point that you think

"Whoa... maybe I did a little too much..."

Unfortunately, that's all you have time to think... now what you don't know is that you've passed out from the drugs unrelenting assault on your entire system... soon your breathing will slow and eventually you're heart will stop.

Very, very painless "And then you're dead! Perfect and painless!" In fact the bliss that one would feel before they died of a heroin overdose would be immense not painful.

But let's roll back to right after you shot up and got that explosive rush:

One of your buddies showed up and saw you barely breathing on the bathroom floor..

Being the smart guy that he is, he called EMS and now they've got you in the back of the truck while they prep that' god-awful narcotic antagonist that's about to go it you. At this point you're still barely breathing, drawing shallow, gurgley breaths while drool dribbles out one side of your mouth. You're extremities have turned purple and hair is now completely matted down with sweat. It is now time for them to administer the shot. Within seconds you reawaken to find yourself in a state of utter confusion and sudden, horrendous agony.  You're heart is racing and nausea sets in... As you spew vomit into the bucket the EMS has provided you, all the while the only thing going through your mind at this point is, "Holy Sh*t... I went from feeling amazing to truly wanting to die... how the H*LL did this happen?"

Honestly, that is the worst pain in the world when they bring you back from an overdose it's countering the effects of a drug that was made to treat the pains of certain amputees or grievously injured men during the war (a.k.a. morphine).

So, in conclusion, an overdose from heroin is not painful being revived most definitely is and if one should find themselves experiencing that pain they should consider themselves lucky! Credit to the above posting was found on WIKIANSWERS
Like I stated above, I would not wish this journey of mine on anyone. Mom's hug and talk to your kids. Kids, hug and talk to your mother, stay safe make good choices -- do the right thing. Peace to you my angel, Peace to you today!

It was supposed to get easier!

I thought I would start to feel better after the first year anniversary after Jonathan died but, instead the nightmares, the fears and the memories of the last three months I lived runs like a movie in my head so clear and so profound. I am not in survival mode anymore, it more like "HELP ME" I am sinking. Now what am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? The rest of my life without him.

Accept the reality that I can not hug him, work through the pain I feel in my heart, adjust the environment that I live in now with all of his pictures still plastered all over the walls! Move from this house in order to heal myself - I don't think so!

My love for Jon shall never go away, he shall not be forgotten.

I do know I have to continue on as he would want me to succeed in life and to continue on my journey this new journey I lead. Educating, supporting my friends of like in kind trying to forge through the horrendous tasks of mourning together may help may help me rekindle my desire to live, thrive, and to survive!

I have my younger daughter and my older son, whom I love so very very much. They are in pain as well, they will come back to me someday.  Right now as they grieve within the life they lead today has this enormous weight of physical sadness. I know - I can see - I can feel it.

Sad thing about our family is that we have all grieved separately through all of this, we all are fumbling through this mess.

We will all make it - we will all survive - we have too ~ for Jonathan..

Just a side note ~ I am still pissed off at him that he did not say goodbye.


We did have lunch together that day! See after all she wrote she had a positive memory to share - go figure.


WORK THROUGH IT YOU CAN DO IT!

Good Grief Bad Grief what is the difference?

Good Grief Bad Grief what is the difference?

Friendship & Understanding.

I am sad - I am angry, I am ~ I don't know what I am ~

I wrote to a friend to apologize for not remembering to do something ~ this is what she wrote to back.

Vonna ~ absolutely no apologies necessary; not between us. This is just from my own experience, but I feel the whole grieving process is going on subconsciously and consciously. We go along, living our lives and a thought or a feeling or a scent overtakes us, and we feel such pain; like we've been blindsided. However, I really believe that along with the grieving is the healing that is also going on, even though it may be hard to perceive. Does this sound like psychobabble? I don't mean it to. If you want to have a chat, just let me know. You know I'm here for you.

The numbness wore off and the reality has set in!
The bad so to speak ~
The time is here for me - in three months it shall be 2 years -- it seems just like yesterday we had lunch, and then I called 911 - you know I can't write anymore, at least anything that would make sense - I just know he is not here and I am afraid that if I don't think about him every day - I shall forget him ~ I can't he was and still is my son - who I miss from the bottom of my heart and soul!

Thank you my friend for being their for me!

Heroin is alive and living in Lake County, IL.

After over one and a half years ~ COMMUNITY FORUM on Drug Awareness & Heroin

~ Stay on track don't fall off the horse and lose sight of the real issue
~ you can bet on it ~ "Heroin is alive and living in Lake County, IL..

I copied and pasted these article's ~ as I am so tired of waiting for this to awakening withing our community to happen - to many children are not with us today so please ~ make sure you RSVP as well - read the rules!
If you are in the vicinity ~ please take some time out of your day to listen, learn & educate yourselves.

Pioneer Local - Today ~ June 2, 2009
By RONNIE WACHTER rwachter@pioneerlocal.com

The Buffalo Grove School Safety Partnership, in conjunction with Buffalo Grove and Stevenson high schools, will hold a community forum Thursday to address the topic of drug abuse in the area.

The event is part of a regional effort to increase the awareness and understanding of drug activity and its consequences to parents of high school age students.

The meeting is scheduled for 7 to 9 p.m. at the Buffalo Grove Park District's Alcott Center, 530 Bernard Drive, and will place special emphasis on heroin abuse.

Heroin and prescription drug overdoses throughout the area have become a widespread and persistent public safety problem that creates serious personal, social and economic consequences for adolescents, their families and the community.

"We're directing this at parents of high school students, upper grades," Buffalo Grove police Cmdr. Steve Husak said. "There have been a few overdoses and other issues that have been on the rise in the last year."

"The walls need to be put up," said Lisa Stone, a Buffalo Grove trustee who helped organize the meeting because of her concern about heroin use in the community. "It's the most powerful drug on our planet."

Stone said Friday that she would like to see Buffalo Grove become known as the No. 1 community in Illinois in the fight against heroin, as its Police Department is known as a leader in the fight against drunken driving.

The program will feature presentations by:

• Lake County Metropolitan Enforcement Group's regional drug task force

• Lake County Coroner's Office

• Lake County States Attorney's Office

• Northeastern Illinois Regional Crime Laboratory.

The public is invited, and can R.S.V.P at the village of Buffalo Grove Web site vbg.org by following the instructions on the community forum announcement, or by e-mailing Husak at shusak@vbg.org

Good Luck ~ May "God" bless you all - vonna ~

R.I.P. now my son ~ 

Living without him ~

Seems like yesterday when they took him away you wake up one day and wonder where or where did this past year go ~ This is all so unreal to me, much harder now than it was over a year ago.

Most of his Jon's friends have either moved on or are still in denial, my friends they come and go.

I have started to weed through the house, it is a cleansing experience that is not making me a happy camper. My refrigerator looks cleaner than when I purchased it!

His slippers finally moved from where they lie that day. His clothes put away nice and tidy, and yes, I smelled every shirt, every pair of pants, and even his socks ~ His TV works, his bed is made and his chair will stay put. Jonathan was young and did not have many belongings, this are my memories as I finally lay him to peace in this house.

As, I go through these days one day at a time, each day brings on a new experience, my life has forever changed and will never be the same as it was before. I am getting to the point of acceptance that learning to live with the fact that Jonathan is gone ~ forever! Yet, he still lives in my heart, my surroundings and always within my soul.

I do get out a little more, it is a very scary experience. I ventured out yesterday to run an errand which was near the pediatric dentists' office where I took all my children. I took a big step opened the door and low and behold, she was standing behind the desk.

When I was 9 years old, we used to eat peanut butter sandwiches together at her house, giggling so hard that milk came out of our noses ~ O~So~Gross ~

She didn't know, we talked we hugged & I told her to teach her children, I told her to make sure she scared him straight, as I did not want her to experience what I am experiencing now -

A mother should not lose a child before her eyes ~

8 ball

It's just not a pool game any more ~ they call it 3.5 grams of cocaine!

Teach your kids at an early age!
Be a responsible parent
Learn educate yourself
Slang - learn it!

IT's Not ThaT Hard to Do ~ It Does NOt TakE that MuCh time Out of Your dAy~

Sit down in a quiet place, close your eyes and imagine what your WORLD would be without your child ~

Enough said from me ~ get more information from the DOC ~ he has the hard core facts ~

Cynicism is an unpleasant way of telling the truth! Lillian Hellman

I am looking for a "Coach Handbag" and authentic "Coach Handbag" cheap - or should I say inexpensive for use of better terminology. I like to collect purses, you could say I have an addiction to purses!

As I searched the Internet I stumbled upon a forum a purse forum, an entire community that has millions posts in tons of informational threads.

Imagine a world and entire community just talking about purses, where to buy them, where to get the best deals, who to deal with, who not to deal with, the reviews, the statistics, the old & the new.

You need a purse fix, that certain brand name you just have to have, need to know what a fake purse looks like, it's all right there on this purse forum.

Prices keep going up - it truly is discouraging to tell you the truth. In order to get high quality that will last a life time, you are going to have to pay through the nose these days -

Almost, everyday I visit Dr. Keller's' blog, just to see what he is posting. I find his blog is well worth the read, and I actually start to worry about him when I do not see him post for a few days. I worry that he is too busy, this saddens me.

I did a little digging, and a little coping and pasting ~

Purses, drugs ~ prices going up ~ interesting yes?

The price of a gram of cocaine in the US soared 89 percent -- from $96.61 dollars to $182.73 dollars -- from January 2007 to September 2008, while the purity decreased 32.1%, from 67% to 46%.

Heroin is readily available in most large metropolitan areas and, increasingly, in some suburban and rural markets throughout the country, the abuse of heroin is increasing among young adults in a number of suburban and rural areas.

The Abuse of prescription narcotics as a precursor to heroin among adolescents is an emerging concern to law enforcement and public health officials.

…cocaine purity dropped during the same period from 67 percent to 46 percent

To increase profitability suppliers cut potency by mixing it with a wide variety of other substances -- an often dangerous practice.

Nonetheless key to remember: Cocaine kills, there is no safe amount of cocaine, you never know what you are getting/buying.

So now you have to spend more to die high; or maybe not quite high, if the amount is enough to kill you (or the adulterants a poisonous enough), but not quality cocaine enough to get a buzz on for you.

I don't think I need that purse anymore!

The Year is Here ~

~As Jonathan has left me to finish his journey here on earth, many of you know this has now become my mission to educate & spread the word so that if just one life is saved, these boys deaths shall not be in vain!

~I find it only fitting and respectful to celebrate lives lost, tragedy's suffered, sickness & health; and to be thankful we are here to support each other as one community of like in kind.

~I shall be lighting a candle in honor of my son as well as the other 5 Alumni from Stevenson High School, to honor & celebrate these lives lost so unnecessarily to dirty drugs.

Buffalo Grove Skate Park
Busch Grove Community Park
1000 N. Buffalo Grove Road
Buffalo Grove, IL 60089

Time:
7:30 pm Saturday November 29, 2008 - We will be congregating along the sidewalk ONLY ~ the park will be closed. Carpooling is highly recommended due to lack of No Parking.

Bring a candle with you!

Respectfully,
Vonna

deep thoughts

thoughts~

damn jon its almost a year, i wish that would make it easier to try and talk to you but it doesn't, i wish it made me feel less guilty but it doesn't, i just hope whatever your at right now is awesome and your at peace with yourself, ya know for a long time after your funeral i havent thought about you but i keep your picture in my wallet and i hope what ever is going on now is better then how things were. i wish i could talk to you just one more time man just to tell you how much we cared about you, but alas man im sure ill see you some 60 70 years from now and everything will be back to normal

much much love~a friend

Alcohol Over Use Kills

"The Coroner of Lake County, IL talking about life and death in the purview of a County Coroner"

Dr. Richard Keller ~is preparing for a series of talks that he will be giving next month regarding the effects of alcohol on the adolescent brain. It will be part of a panel presentation regarding underage drinking prevention that a group is presenting at 4 sites. He has spoken on the effects of alcohol on the adolescent brain at several venues.

"Dr. Keller"....
Of interest to this note is that at one of the group meetings one of the others involved asked me to be sure to specifically mention “alcohol poisoning”. (We also discussed my including the fact that alcohol is the ‘number one’ date rape drug)

We don’t see alcohol overdose deaths in underage drinkers very often, most cases get intervention before they die.

While it is an infrequent cause of death, we had one in our county this week.
A young 18 year old man died of alcohol overdose (who, as fate would have it, went to high school with my daughter).

My daughter described the memorial service to me last evening; many of his friends spoke highly of him and spoke of the tragedy of his death.

We often forget that alcohol kills, not just through car crashes, but because it is itself a toxin, a poison. Consumed in large enough quantities it can and does kill. Adolescents are particularly at risk because they tend to binge drink (5 or more drinks in rapid succession) and do not get the drowsiness shut off cue that most adults get.

The relatively new Illinois felony “social host” law will likely be invoked in this case: if great bodily harm or death results, the parent (host) faces possible imprisonment and possible significant fines.

Kids shouldn’t die when they are still kids
Think, don’t take chances, make good choices!


Please tell your daughter I am sorry for her loss. I shall be thinking of her.
Vonna

I had no idea that you could do this ~

Pardon me but I am a little behind lately - life has a tendency to get in the way.

8 months hit me hard - 8 months I cannot believe 8 month has passed almost 9 months now. Blindsided ~ smack me upside the head and took me down for the count.

I am still hear!

As I read Dr. Keller's blog the following post hit a nerve within me that has motivated me to ~ let's say WAKE-UP!

Blog entry ~ Friday, September 05, 2008

Regular folks can report drugs and doctors I was talking with the mother of an individual who died recently. As she mentioned, neither of them are young, but she reminded me of a statement I often reiterate, “Kids (no matter the age) shouldn’t die before their parents”.

Her son died of medication-related death, in that the prescribed medications he was taking likely complicated his underlying medical conditions (sleep apnea and heart disease) and the combination of those things led to his death. She wants to make sure it doesn’t happen to some other mother’s son. She has concerns about both the medications and her son’s doctor. In addition to our working with the Illinois Department of Professional Regulation on cases we feel are egregious on the doctors’ part and with the DEA on drug (medication)-related deaths, I told her she too can file report/complaints.

She was unaware of this, despite some research on her own, so I thought I’d throw the information up here so that more folks would be aware:

Consumers (i.e. regular folks) can file reports on medications (problems and concerns) with the FDA Med Watch Program. The forms and instructions are available online.

Concerns about individual physician’s can be filed with the Illinois Department of Professional Regulation (for some bizarre political reason actually the Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation. (Every state has their own variation of our state regulatory agency)

My spin on this post ~

I am beginning to believe that the "FRIENDS" of the children in our community that have died this past year have a story to tell.

What if they do KNOW the true story of what happened the night their "FRIEND" died. What secrets do they have inside that is burning a hole in their heart.
What are they afraid of? ~
What have they got to loose - Just another friend?

Think about it ~

"Talk to your Children hear them Speak"
~find out where the children an go to report any wrongdoing with out the fear of being called that 'rat' ~ It starts with you ~ the parent!

Another drug-related death

Another drug-related death of a young man (in his 20s) this week (not to mention the gentleman in his 50s or the woman in her 30s, they are no less tragic and they also died drug-related deaths this week)

He died of heroin intoxication, abuse, over-use. What also stood out with this young man is that when we tested several items from his room for drug residue we came up with results that beg action or reaction. We found a dollar bill with heroin residue, cocaine residue on his dresser, cocaine and THC residue on a small scale in his room, and a part of a jeweler’s screwdriver with THC residue.

Youthful experimenting? To me it screams the need to get honest information repetitively out to the public (how do you get it to the youth of our community?). Among other important bits of information, that the heroin on our streets right now is potent and particularly deadly. We must develop and push prevention; we must develop and push treatment.

It will be work, hard work, but aren’t these folks worth it?

Never to young for a lullaby ~

Life has becomes an unexpected pleasure for me, this may sound a tad like I
just fell off my rocker, grief can be what I call "Good Grief" ~ just like Charlie Brown ~
I have learned from this tragedy is that you are never to old for a lullaby!
I sang these when he was born, and I sang these songs to him six months ago~

Hush, little baby, don't say a word.
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass

And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat

And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull

And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you a dog named Rover.

And if that dog named Rover won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you a horse and cart.

And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

Are you sleeping, are you sleeping?
My son Jon, My Son Jon?
Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing
Ding dang dong, ding dang dong.

"What is lovely never dies, put passes into other loveliness"
Thomas Bailey Aldrich

I love you a bushel and a Peck and a Hug around the Neck!
xoxo ma

Medication sharing can result in death

I grabbed this from Dr. Richard Keller, our Lake County Coroner ~
IMO - a need to know for passers by!

…roughly 23 percent reported loaning their prescription medications to someone else, and 27 percent reported borrowing prescription medications.

The medications most frequently shared (loaned or borrowed) were allergy drugs like Allegra (25 percent), followed by pain medications like Darvocet and OxyContin (22 percent); and antibiotics like amoxicillin (21 percent).

Seven percent of those interviewed said they shared mood-altering drugs like Paxil, Zoloft, Ritalin and Valium.
This certainly seems to agree with what we see in our cases of death due to licit drug intoxication or overdose, although certainly our death cases are more heavily weighted toward pain meds and “mood-alerting drugs”. This is a huge problem. People really don’t realize the danger in sharing, trading, and taking someone else’s meds. Just because they come from a drug store doesn’t mean they are always safe.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO!

They may not touch his things - they need to stay, my family does not understand the hurt, the pain, that empty part of my soul, I am the mother of this child who is not coming back!

Leave his things alone!
LEAVE HIS THINGS ALONE ~

Never to Old for a Lullaby~ In memory of a dear friend ~

My dear friend ~
I have lit this candle for your love ~ his sudden passing saddens me so ~ I shall grieve with you, I shall pray you have the strength to keep on truckin!

This lullaby is for you to sing to him ~ yes you are old ~ and death comes when least expected. You are never to old for a lullaby.


Remember, you can always call your neighbor in the middle of the night and she shall comfort you as she did I when Jon passed.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!

He is just fine! He has Jon to keep him busy ~

Look up as he looks down at you, keeping you safe, telling you that each day gets that much more closer to remembering the good, all the Joy & Sparkle you brought to each other, and all the yelling about you spending money on big ticket items!

I love you sweetie with all my heart. I am here too, to always give you a hug if you need one.
Breathe, know that you have the support, just ask for it!