my parents never told me

my parents never told me ~

there is a time to grieve
there is a time to breathe
there is a time to wake up
there is a time to go to bed

there is no time to listen to someone tell you when are you going to just STOP!

no, no, no, no, no it won't just stop ~ it will be with you forever
that's why I have such good friends who like to poke me

Grief Support After the Death of a Child

“The Compassionate Friends is about transforming the pain of grief into the elixir of hope. It takes people out of the isolation society imposes on the bereaved and lets them express their grief naturally. With the shedding of tears, healing comes. And the newly bereaved get to see people who have survived and are learning to live and love again.”
—Simon Stephens, founder of  The Compassionate Friends

just type in your zip code after clicking on here ---------> -xxxxxx

black elk

Found a card in my mailbox today from a woman I admire so very much.

"Grown men may learn from very little children, for the hearts of little children are pure, and, therefore, the Great Spirit may show to them many things which older people miss."

Credit - CL's Kids cards 2009 collection - created by Primary School Students on the Pine Ridge Reservation.

Nicholas Black Elk a famous Wichasha Wakan (Medicine Man or Holy Man) He participated at about the age of twelve in the Battle of Little Big Horn of 1876, and was wounded in the massacre that occurred at Wounded Knee in 1890.

I am attending the Drug Forum at the Buffalo Grove High School this evening, but the way things are panning out in the news lately ~

WHO is listening to the children?

Buffalo Grove Community Forum – Drug Abuse October 7, 2009

Found on the Web --- Village of Buffalo Grove Website
Buffalo Grove Community Forum – Drug Abuse

The Buffalo Grove School Safety Partnership is joining forces with Stevenson and Buffalo Grove High Schools to sponsor a community-forum on drug abuse at 7:00 pm, Wednesday, October 7, 2009. The forum will be held in Buffalo Grove High School’s theater at 1100 W. Dundee Road, Buffalo Grove, IL 60089. This event is part of a regional effort to increase awareness and understanding about illicit drug activity, particularly the use of heroin, and its consequences to parents of high school-aged students.

Anyone interested in attending the forum is asked to RSVP please visit the link as you need to call or Email the Buffalo Grove Police Commander, Steve Husak.

It was supposed to get easier!

I thought I would start to feel better after the first year anniversary after Jonathan died but, instead the nightmares, the fears and the memories of the last three months I lived runs like a movie in my head so clear and so profound. I am not in survival mode anymore, it more like "HELP ME" I am sinking. Now what am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? The rest of my life without him.

Accept the reality that I can not hug him, work through the pain I feel in my heart, adjust the environment that I live in now with all of his pictures still plastered all over the walls! Move from this house in order to heal myself - I don't think so!

My love for Jon shall never go away, he shall not be forgotten.

I do know I have to continue on as he would want me to succeed in life and to continue on my journey this new journey I lead. Educating, supporting my friends of like in kind trying to forge through the horrendous tasks of mourning together may help may help me rekindle my desire to live, thrive, and to survive!

I have my younger daughter and my older son, whom I love so very very much. They are in pain as well, they will come back to me someday.  Right now as they grieve within the life they lead today has this enormous weight of physical sadness. I know - I can see - I can feel it.

Sad thing about our family is that we have all grieved separately through all of this, we all are fumbling through this mess.

We will all make it - we will all survive - we have too ~ for Jonathan..

Just a side note ~ I am still pissed off at him that he did not say goodbye.


We did have lunch together that day! See after all she wrote she had a positive memory to share - go figure.


WORK THROUGH IT YOU CAN DO IT!