I thought I would start to feel better after the first year anniversary after Jonathan died but, instead the nightmares, the fears and the memories of the last three months I lived runs like a movie in my head so clear and so profound. I am not in survival mode anymore, it more like "HELP ME" I am sinking. Now what am I supposed to do?
What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? The rest of my life without him.
Accept the reality that I can not hug him, work through the pain I feel in my heart, adjust the environment that I live in now with all of his pictures still plastered all over the walls! Move from this house in order to heal myself - I don't think so!
My love for Jon shall never go away, he shall not be forgotten.
I do know I have to continue on as he would want me to succeed in life and to continue on my journey this new journey I lead. Educating, supporting my friends of like in kind trying to forge through the horrendous tasks of mourning together may help may help me rekindle my desire to live, thrive, and to survive!
I have my younger daughter and my older son, whom I love so very very much. They are in pain as well, they will come back to me someday. Right now as they grieve within the life they lead today has this enormous weight of physical sadness. I know - I can see - I can feel it.
Sad thing about our family is that we have all grieved separately through all of this, we all are fumbling through this mess.
We will all make it - we will all survive - we have too ~ for Jonathan..
Just a side note ~ I am still pissed off at him that he did not say goodbye.
We did have lunch together that day! See after all she wrote she had a positive memory to share - go figure.
WORK THROUGH IT YOU CAN DO IT!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
It was supposed to get easier!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Heroin ~ 40% of high school seniors do not believe that there is a great risk in trying heroin.
It's never to late ~ I found this on the web today ~
Recent studies suggest a shift from injecting to snorting or smoking heroin because of increased purity and the misconception that these forms of use will not lead to addiction. Heroin is processed from morphine, a naturally occurring substance extracted from the seed-pod of the Asian poppy plant. Heroin usually appears as a white or brown powder. Street names associated with heroin include "smack," "H," "skag," and "junk." Other names may refer to types of heroin produced in a specific geographical area, such as "Mexican black tar."
Your child's High School Graduation is just around the corner they will be gone from home by summer's end.
Did you know that ~
40% of high school seniors do not believe that there is a great risk in trying heroin.
If you suspect your child is using drugs get proactive; educate yourself to be armed with the facts, you fears will subside and you will know how to confront your child so they do hear you speak!
Listen To Those Who Have Been Through It!~ -------->
"The longer you wait to speak to your child, that day may come where you will speak no more!" ~ jv
TAKE ACTION & visit The Anti Drug get yourself educated!
Follow the Links on the front page
- Take Action
- Get Past the Fear
- Advice & Tips
- Conversations
- Get Help
~ to find help in your community.
Find it at the top of this -----------------> page!
Friday, May 8, 2009
Well, just try walking in my shoes!
I don't believe in coincidence, that is just the way I feel, I was told by someone the other day I was crazy, unstable ~ Who me!
Well, just try walking in my shoes!
If you have lost a loved one and have not found Legacy Connect ~ I highly recommend you do so, it is a part of the Ning Network and is very easy to set up. Of course I am still at a stage of lurkness "so to speak"!
You are able to control your privacy settings, so of course at this moment I am still at a stage of lurkness "so to speak".
I check my email everyday, this one of the email's I received today ~ a day when I really needed to read this!
The article below is one of the many with information you may need to know!
By Russell Friedman and John W. James
For most people, the immediate response to the death of someone important to them is a sense of numbness. After that initial numbness wears off, the most common physiological reaction is a reduced ability to concentrate. The rest of the world goes out of focus. Nothing else is important.
It is normal and natural that your entire being is centered on what happened and your relationship with the person who died. The length of time that the reduced ability to concentrate lasts is individual and can vary from a few days to several months, and even longer. It is not a sign that there’s something wrong with you. The fact that the emotional impact of the death of that person has altered your day-to-day routines is very healthy. It would make no sense for you to not be affected by the death.
It is normal to drift out of focus in response to conscious or unconscious memories of the person who died. Please be gentle with yourself in allowing that your focus is not on the actions of life, but on your reactions to a death.
If you’re at work, you can take little “grief breaks” as needed. It’s a good idea to establish a safe person at work who you can talk to when and if you get overwhelmed. It’s also smart to have a phone pal you can call when the emotions keep you from concentrating. The breaks and chats will make you able to do the work you need to do.
Please keep in mind that it’s important to focus while driving a car. It’s not safe to drive with tears in your eyes. If need be, pull over. Allow yourself to have whatever emotions come up, and maybe call someone and talk for a while before you get back on the road.
When Your Heart Is Broken, Your Head Doesn’t Work Right
Along with not being able to concentrate, your thinking ability and judgment may be limited. That’s why grieving people are advised to be careful about making major life decisions in the aftermath of the death of someone important to them. To put it in simple terms, when your heart is broken, your head doesn’t work right. You must take care either not to make big decisions until you regain your ability to focus, or you must make sure you have people you trust to help you understand your choices and the consequences of what you decide.
There are other common physiological reactions to grief. Sleeping habits are often disrupted for an extended period of time. You may find yourself unable to sleep, or you may not be able to get out of bed. You can even go back and forth between those extremes. Eating patterns are also subject to confusion. You may not be able to eat at all, or you may not be able to stop. You can also ping-pong between those extremes. Sleeping and eating disruptions aren’t as common as the reduced ability to concentrate, but they can be really uncomfortable. If they happen, it also doesn’t mean you’re going crazy. It just means that your routines and habits are out of synch.
Another common grief reaction is best described as a roller coaster of emotions. It can be a wild ride, with tremendous emotional shifts. But, like concentration and the eating and sleeping issues, that roller coaster is one of the typical responses to the death of someone important to you. Don’t fight it, just go along for the ride, no matter how bumpy it might be. When it happens, it’s a good idea to call a friend, and talk about what you’re feeling. Talking about what you’re experiencing helps make sure you don’t trap your feelings inside.
Normal and Natural — Not Crazy
The reduced ability to concentrate; the disruption of sleeping and eating patterns; and the roller coaster of emotions are all normal and natural reactions to death. There is nothing crazy about them or you.
Those reactions usually diminish within time as you adapt to life without the person who died. But time doesn’t heal emotional wounds, nor does it complete anything that may have been left emotionally unfinished when the person died. Sometimes it’s just the feeling of wanting to have said one more “I love you and goodbye.” Sometimes it is a more complex set of communications that would include apologies, forgiveness, and significant emotional statements.
It is always helpful to discover and complete anything that was left unfinished. Doing so will allow you to have fond memories not turn painful. It will also help you remember your person the way you knew them in life. And it will help you continue a life of meaning and value, even though it is altered by the absence of he person who died.
Above all, allow yourself to be out of rhythm. As we said, be careful when you’re driving and be cautious when making major decisions. Be gentle with yourself as you make your re-entry back into the flow of your life. But don’t judge yourself harshly because you are having any or all of the reactions we mentioned.
Friday, February 20, 2009
He's one smart Cookie ~
Get to know the coroner ~ oh, so unconventional ~
So I was out of town - but now I am back ~ :)
Selbo: You were just re-elected in November to a second term of office. What would you like to accomplish in the next four years that you did not accomplish during your first four years?
Keller: Well, and it's really kind of started already. I want to get into even more schools and talk to even more kids. The schools in the area have had pre-prom events historically. That's when they would have the coroner come talk to the school. But I think that you really need to get in there repeatedly and frequently. And so what I've done is gotten a lot of my staff involved as well, and we're really getting into the schools now and classes and driver's ed. So we're getting in there repeatedly and then special programs that we're able to get put together. In order to be able to teach a teenager something you need to do so repeatedly and a little bit different each time, so it really starts to sink in.
Click to read the rest of the story!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
8 ball
It's just not a pool game any more ~ they call it 3.5 grams of cocaine!
Teach your kids at an early age!
Be a responsible parent
Learn educate yourself
Slang - learn it!
IT's Not ThaT Hard to Do ~ It Does NOt TakE that MuCh time Out of Your dAy~
Sit down in a quiet place, close your eyes and imagine what your WORLD would be without your child ~
Enough said from me ~ get more information from the DOC ~ he has the hard core facts ~
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