He didn't say "goodbye"

I am so not watching TV anymore!
Snap out of it will ya! -- Bad weekend 

8 ball

It's just not a pool game any more ~ they call it 3.5 grams of cocaine!

Teach your kids at an early age!
Be a responsible parent
Learn educate yourself
Slang - learn it!

IT's Not ThaT Hard to Do ~ It Does NOt TakE that MuCh time Out of Your dAy~

Sit down in a quiet place, close your eyes and imagine what your WORLD would be without your child ~

Enough said from me ~ get more information from the DOC ~ he has the hard core facts ~

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away ~

Yesterday

I picked up a stranger from the train station yesterday, she was recommended by a friend, thought she could help me "organize" ~
On the ride back to the house I found out she had lost her child as well ~ she is a wonderful woman my age from Nigeria ~ we organized, cleaned, scrubbed and shared memories as I put my son's belongings to rest.
He now has clean sheets, a television that works; so that if he ever decides to visit he shall be comfortable ~
Rest well my son ~ you were and always will be my yesterday!

"You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for every day
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or at least how the story goes
I never believed until now
I know I'll see you again I'm sure
No it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can't take yesterday"

Leona Lewis
Yesterday lyrics

Madd ~

I read this ~ I cried ~ so I just copied and pasted this ~ from the coroner's blog today ~

Went to a Party Mom

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
so I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.

Now I'm lying o n the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck was drunk, Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven,
put ' Mommy's Girl' on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you, Mom!'
So I love you and good-bye.

It hurts ~

It's starting ~ the reality is really hitting the kids - and it's okay, it just takes time.

"Its suppose to get better but day by day it get worse.
I'm suppose to miss you because I'm at college and your 170 miles north of me
not because you a gazillion and ten miles above me."

Let's deal with the issue by changing the subject ~

"It isn't anyone's fault for something so bad to happen, but people should look into how they relate to another.

This is very real, as real as it gets I feel. It really is all about how you choose to act and be around the people we share this word with. Everyone's got emotions and feelings, and we can brush it off as naive, but when it comes down to it, these are the things we love about our friends, family, and so on.

Sometimes we get caught up in our own B.S. that we forget that how we act and choose to carry ourselves inadvertently affects those around us.

Whether we realize it or not, but we usually don't, that's the thing.

Sometimes we think time heals all wounds and actions will just wash away, but they don't.

Every action has a reaction, like the great Issac Newton said.

We all need to realize that our actions do have consequences.

I do my best to be good to people, and everyone should always keep that in mind as well. It's not the easiest thing to do, it's challenging, but anything that is truly rewarding usually is. As tough as times get, it's important to carry respect and live as though "God" is watching, or just for the simple fact that it feels better.

Let your conscious be your guide. We see others behaving badly or non-righteously and we can get caught up in it.

Like a fine line between sensitivity and truly hurt feelings, there is also between humor and disrespect.

Everyone deserves some form of respect, but don't let yourself be taken advantage of in the process."
"Be Righteous. Live Righteously."
"Peace, Love, and Happiness."

~Listen to him hear him speak ~
A note from one of Jon's good friends.

Change Part 2 ~

Anonymous said:
"Open the door for them so they can hold out their hand to you."

I knocked on that door to my friends who became stranger's ~ they shut the door in my face ~ at least my hand was out of the way ~

~My kids ~ I love them so~

Dear Momma,

So your daughter texted me a few times today telling me about dashboard confessional (me and Jon's band) and I got jealous!! Ha Ha! I was supposed to go with her...it was us against the world dammit! I'm so proud of her. She seems like shes doing well and staying positive and strong. So I wanted you to know that I'm proud of you too momma, you're a fabulous momma so don't ever think different. I love you oh so much.

And you know that I love Jonathan and "K" with all my heart too. You all will never leave me. We're family and family sticks together through whatever.

I had a dream about him a few days ago and all I remember was waking up happy. I was partially sad yet smiled and felt relieved. It was as though he was there telling me that every things good. I have a song from Mariah Carey that I dedicate to him from me. It's kinda sad and comforting at the same time...weird...but completely tells my story.
It's called Bye Bye.
READ THE LYRICS AND LISTEN TO IT AT THE SAME TIME.

I love you Vonna momma. MWUAH!
I should be back soon to give you a real hug.

::HUG::

Heath

Baby Steps

Baby Steps
I went out today to see if I could break the monotony in my life ~
As all good days come to an end~

I still had to come home ~
It is still a home but an empty house ~
It is an empty house with people in it ~

Copyright © nope it isn't but I wrote it please don't take it ~ Thank you.
vonna maslanka ~ 6/15/08

hahahaha!

I can't believe I wrote such a depressing LAME poem...I thought y'all would get a kick out of it too. Check it out:

I wish I could explain the way that I feel, but every time I try it just doesn't sound real.

Each morning I wake up and I look around, to see naked walls and yesterdays clothes on the ground.

I pull the thrown sheets back up over my head, as darkness surrounds me I recall the things that I said.

The "I love you's" and "I need you's" that came from my heart, left me laying here helpless and torn apart.

A week has passed and I still feel the pain, it just tells me the love I have will always remain.

I try my best to see what went wrong, but what's the point? It's too late, he's gone.

~Heath

ps: hahahaha! love mama

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO!

They may not touch his things - they need to stay, my family does not understand the hurt, the pain, that empty part of my soul, I am the mother of this child who is not coming back!

Leave his things alone!
LEAVE HIS THINGS ALONE ~

I can't sleep!

No I am not crazy, just lonely, just tired, just thinking, not sleeping; just missing my son. I close my eyes and see him, it's scary.

It's just a feeling. It truly isn't a good feeling, in fact it really sucks to feel like this.

I still believe in myself, I just wanted to cry!
Nothing wrong with that - cry with me if you want to - it helps. Just wish it didn't have to happen at almost 3am in the morning - so if I'm crabby tomorrow you will know why!

Disorientation~

Every Day - every moment is so unpredictable for me ~

My Mind & Spirit ~

Today is that of disorientation ~
I am lost ~ my soul is deeply injured ~

My Body ~

This shall be another story as today ~ it is not just a copy and paste day, I really wanted to write something inspiring to help someone ~ I just can't ~ I don't even no if I spelled everything right.

To all my friends that pass by ~ I am deeply grateful to all of you.

Sometimes ~

It's just hard, but you just have to keep moving, get up everyday, no matter what. Take a shower, take a bath, just get dressed ~ get through the day, even if it is minute by minute or second by second.
YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!
YOU HAVE TO TELL YOURSELF YOU WILL!

Sunday -

It's a sunny day today and for that I am grateful -

I have met a few new people in my life that share the same experience of grieving the loss of a child. I truly believe in my heart that no matter the circumstance in which you child has passed - whether i be accidental, suicide - or even homicide we all share a common bond. We all can help each other move to the next level, remember our children, and live our life as they would want us to -

I don't have to accept the fact now that my Jon is gone, I only have to learn to live with that fact.

He will always be with me, watch over me, and take care of me just in a different way that's all.

I wish you all who read this a "Sunny Happy Day"