A place for children to learn

I am finding more and more parents on the Internet that are in much need of information in order to handle such tragedy's that their own children experience outside of their home.

Children in my opinion as well as young adults in college ~ do not want to talk to authoritative people. They feel alone - I have found a place for parents to gather information, listen to stories to gain some tools to help our youth.

Margaret Ann's Place is targeted for children ages 5 - 18 ~

With JdMacHope ~ my goal is to help the young adults that have moved out into this world and have a place to speak openly of grief gain the tools to survive tragedy without violence, or harming themselves.

Between Friends

Friends can be so awesome!
Curious aren't you! CLICK NOW!

"All You Need Is Love"

"There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy."

"It's easy ~ Love is all you need ~ Love is all you need"
~ Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah~ `Beatles..

Music ~ I almost forgot about the music..
------------------------
Acceptance ~
I need to sometimes reach out and connect with an old friend.
We used to live in Arizona together, where Jon was born.

She wrote me back ~

Vonna,
Our hearts and prayers will continue to be with you through your grief. Jonathan was a special child – I remember holding and cuddling him when he was a baby. Please know that my Darling Husband and I are here for you with anything you may need. Please do not hesitate to call – even if it is just to cry or vent.

5 stages of Grief & my Dear Husband ~

1. Denial 2. Bargaining 3. Anger 4. Despair 5. Acceptance

Despair ~
I only pray that one day he will be able to move to another stage ~ he seems to be stuck!
When he is ready he will read ~

Posted by a friend the day our "son" left us ~ November 30, 2007

I am aware that there are already groups out for Jon, but both have improper spelling of his first and last name. I have created this group out of request by his little sister.
____
Jon will be missed by all, forgotten by none, and carried on through each one of us for the rest of our lives. He carried a huge place in a lot of people's hearts, and for that, we must be thankful. Not only has he helped us to learn the power of laughter in sorrowful times, but he has also taught us each to not take life for granted.

Jonathan was an unbelievable son, brother, and friend. He will forever be imprinted in our hearts, and may his soul be carried on forever through the memories we have of him.

Jon is in a better place, where it's safe and sound. He is looking down on each of us, and I know he wants us to all be strong. Jonathan fought until he couldn't fight any longer, and now he's resting in peace.

R.I.P. Jonny boy, we all love you.
Yes, we do love u~

I try each day to say thank you ~

I have had so much on-line support from the beginning, you have no idea how many email's and thank you' notes ~ I want and need to respond too!

Let's not talk about all the cards and help I received from real people that I have to thank.

I have 7 cards that I purchased in the beginning to send to 7 special people ~ those 7 special people will have to wait, as it is to difficult to find the words that are buried in my heart, it's going to take time to dig them out.

It is my duty as a mother, a friend, a human being to get this job done. It is part of the healing process at least for me - last night I emailed someone to obtain an address, to my surprise and humbleness, I received the following note back.

Vonna,
Please don't worry about sending me a 'proper' thank you...I should be thanking you.
I draw strength from those around me, and I have probably drawn more strength from you than anyone else.
I almost lost my child a few years ago, my child survived. I can't imagine what it would be like to walk in your shoes. Know that I love you, admire and respect you, and am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs,
**a friend of mine ~ that I have never met ~

I got my glass on Saturday along with a beautiful note from this awesome lady who is gonna have a baby ~ she told me it's the year of the RAT ~ She also sent me a book I shall treasure and pass along to the next who is in need ~ The Grief Recover Handbook ~

I am reading and reading well...

Jon's Friends still miss him ~

1. It's still taken me some time to process all this..
I hope your soul is resting peaceful, John, and I'm sure the big guy upstairs will embrace you and show you the love that you've been looking for. I know we kinda fell off in the past, but you're in my prayers. May your spirit live on to learn, grow and teach. The laughter that you spread and the smiles that you created will never be forgotten. It's all love kid.

2. I cant believe this, I met you in like 6th grade, and you were one of the coolest guys id ever met man. I remember we couldn't hang out for some time because all we ever did was get in trouble together. just careless kids s***, and now everything got so damn different. I'm so glad i got to see you the other week, and now your not here with us. Man ill be missing you.
RIP my friend.

3. Jon I've known you longer than I have known most people. I was reminiscing about all the crazy things we did as kids and it made me laugh to think about how simple life used to be. I cant believe this has happened, truly I'm in shock. RIP buddy I know someday I'll see you again.
peace & ♥ always

4. Remember the first time we ever skated? We went to Vernon hills and skated with k*** and e***. Walmart rail, Rob's barn, u thrashed it skating. I remember skating downtown and you had b*** and just jumped on that handrail by union station. uncanny. gonna miss you bro.
skate on forever........

5. I cant believe it, I met you 7 years ago man. I'll never forget you man. you were one of a kind.

6. I still seem to catch my heart breaking and me loosing my breath every time i think about you too long or catch myself meeting your eyes in pictures...

The Invisible Mom ~

I thank you "J" for sending this to me ~ as I share this with the world of cyberspace, as I re-read this ~ I too am moved emotionally.

The Invisible Mom

"It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied his toy and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Carol , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women."

Great Job, MOM!

'sent to me via email' the other day ~

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!

Disorientation~

Every Day - every moment is so unpredictable for me ~

My Mind & Spirit ~

Today is that of disorientation ~
I am lost ~ my soul is deeply injured ~

My Body ~

This shall be another story as today ~ it is not just a copy and paste day, I really wanted to write something inspiring to help someone ~ I just can't ~ I don't even no if I spelled everything right.

To all my friends that pass by ~ I am deeply grateful to all of you.

Maybe this will help a passer by!

A friend shared this with me yesterday ~ Thank you friend!

Vonna,
My sister was cleaning out and she found this poem. It spoke to her heart so much and it really helped her out the other day.....considering Sean died in his sleep it made it feel like this poem was meant for her, I love it and wanted to share it with you!!!

Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear,
I opened my eyes and looked around,
But he did not appear.
He said, "Mom, you've got to listen,
You've got to understand,
God didn't take me from you, mom,
He only took my hand.
When I called out in pain that day,
The moment that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to His side.

He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain.
My body was hurt so badly,
I could never be the same.

My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.

I love you all and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die.

And so, you must all go on now,
And live, and understand...
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand."

- Author Anonymous

Sometimes ~

It's just hard, but you just have to keep moving, get up everyday, no matter what. Take a shower, take a bath, just get dressed ~ get through the day, even if it is minute by minute or second by second.
YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!
YOU HAVE TO TELL YOURSELF YOU WILL!

4 Sean ~ A friend's Nephew ~

A fellow glass beadmaker sent me an email the other day telling me about her sister, as her sister's situation is very similar to mine. Her son, like Jonathan was a wonderful smart, intellegent young adult who succumed to this sickness we call addition.

His short life ended at the age of 23 from Alchol poisoning.

I am grateful she emailed me, I was hesitant to call at first, but anyone really knows who I am I am not a shy woman. I am really not afraid to talk to a stranger, nor to tell it like it is.

I have spoken to other women on the phone who have lost children. I have found that with each and every conversation both parties came out winners. Although, I cannot feel the same feelings as the other women, nor can they feel the same feelings I feel about my child.

What we do have is a common bond, we have each lost a part of our soul. That feeling will never change, that feeling will never go away for any mother.

I did call her, we connected, we both cried, we both laughed & we were able to help each other.

I was going to post today all about what happened to me yesterday. I will share my feelings later. I find this more important right now.

We all have our demon's that we struggle with ~ my friend wants to simlply purchase a headstone to honor her nephew. I encourage you to click on this link to find out more about Sean & if you can please help.

4 Sean

Don't forget to sign the petition either. Thank you.

Just CHECK this out ~

With regards to Heath Ledgers death -

Snow & The Angel

Believe In Miracle's

"The beginning of wisdom is calling things by their name"

The Petition is growing!

Click on the left - sign the petition.
Sign you first and last name - please..

I saw this on the Internet & wanted to share~

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 Hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table And poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the Empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and Favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner
Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

I feel hopeless~

A very wise friend of my gave me some very profound advice ~

"Learning and talking is self-therapy. When pain is put out into the weave of the world it gets absorbed by others and that allows you to heal!!"

Although the title to this post refers to me feeling hopeless ~ I have knowledge, I have confirmation. I shall never have to wonder how~

I received the official report from the Coroner's Office yesterday ~
Jonathan's death was ruled as a "homicide" an overdose of dirty drugs ~
Jon's mind, body, & spirit were that of a healthy man.

I would like to reiterate the fact ~ "Knowledge is Power" ~

Read, Learn & Educate yourselves ~ our younger generation's world.

It is and never will be the same again. I shall heal ~ I have faith in myself.