Words of a Friend ~

Posted by a friend of Jon's - who loved him too..

Jon was always the one in high school to goof off and not give a f*** what anybody thinks, or so it seemed. Its possible that he needed more love than he was given. if you were sad, Jon would take you in, say something sweet and tell you not to worry. and then make a funny face or drop a corny joke. the system got him, the f**** system forced Jon to grow up way too fast, and then he lost himself within it.

We remember Jon for the laughter, love and depth that he spread to us all.

Don't worry, things like this happen to great souls like Jon's to give us a new perspective on life. his soul is free now, not tied down by the American justice and currency system, and there is no one standing in front of him in a room full of people telling him right from wrong. he can find his own path back to happiness and peace. after all he's been through, he deserves it.

love

More Comment & Tributes about Jon

This email posted by one of Jon's Friends
He loved him very much...

Jon meant well in everything he did, and he always saw the glass half full.
Although instability did arise like dark clouds gaining ground. He was someone young and innocent that got pulled towards addiction; I guess that's why I'm angry.

I guess I'm angry as to wonder why this happens to someone like Jon. Jon was a very rational kid when I met him in high school, and always carried a straightforward logical kind of perspective on things.

He was very open and always lent a helping hand. The first time I had really met him and hung out was in Environmental science.

We were partners and hit it off right away. He always was a true keeper of the honor system between friends; much better than I at least. He would never say something negative, or ever be out to get his pal.

Every one of his friends would have saved him that night; and that's a fact. It isn't anyones fault for something so bad to happen, but people should look into how they relate to another.

Life

Life
Posted by a good friend -
I am back. I know it has been awhile and I said I was not coming back, but things change and I was really withdrawling from escaping from reality to let the conscious of my streaming thoughts take control. Just sit back and let the fingers do the work.

I am in my second professional semester in the education program and during one of my classes I learned something very important about myself. Our teacher had given us an assessment to discover what type of learner we are. I filled out the worksheet with a bunch of numbers that did not mean much to me until I found the end result. I am a blue divergent learner, which means I like to experience and feel. The summary of my learning style is that at home and work, blues are: try to influence others so they can lead more significant lives, like to persue interest and abilities in the arts, communications and education, like to help others, am adept at motivating and interacting with others, and look for and work toward harmonious relationships. As I read over these, I could not seem to stop my mind flow leading to him.

During the summer, I had gotten home to find a friend of mine's status on facebook and myspace with threatening messages of wanting to hurt himself. As a blue divergent, I care and even if I had not talked to this person in a few year or so, I could not let this slide. I am a caring person and it would rip me to shreads to know he would go through with something so heartwrenching and horrible. Without a thought in my mind, I wrote him a message and told him to call me if anything. Thank God, he took me up on my offer. His voice was soft and sad, and I will never forget his words of struggling and regret. He had upset his parents and he was disappointed in himself. I reassured him that things will get better and offered my night to him. I wanted to help put a smile on his face, I wanted him to feel better to know that someone out there cares about him, even a complete aquaintance that he had not talked to in years.

He asked for me to come over and without hesitating, I hopped in my car and I stayed on the phone with him. As I drove, I knew something was not right. He did not sound alright and that is when I pushed a little heavier on the peddle. I finally arrived and I parked and I found his mom and a friend in the garage. I was questioned what I was doing here and if I was here to bring anything for my friend. I reassured the family that I was here soley for support and because I care. That night his stepfather took him to the hospital. All summer, I waited and waited to get that phone call from him and to get that reassurance he was doing alright. During September, the call finally came. He was out of rehab and in a half way house. He was safe, and since he felt safe, I was relieved and felt safe myself. He moved home, and got a job. I was so proud of his efforts and I was starting to believe things were going alright with him. I guess I felt they were going well enough that I stopped letting myself monitor him. I wanted to save him. I knew that I tried, and I thought that I did it. I stopped calling so much because I felt that things for him were getting better and he didn't have to rely on me anymore. I felt like I was his savior. I went home during a weekend and was able to see that face that I longed to see for months. I spent time with him and I was so over joyed to be able to have this memory and moment in my life.

We talked occasionally but not as much as we had earlier because we both were becoming so busy with our own lives. I thought that this was good news. He called me during thanksgiving break and I told him that I would try my hardest to see him. Unfortunetley, I became too busy that I did not.

On November 30, 2007, I got a phone call and not one that I was expecting. It was an old friend that I had drifted from. She gave me the worst news that someone would never desire to receive. My dear friend, Jonathan McEachern, had passed. I forgot how bad I wished to save him and I failed. I know it is not my fault but I wish I made more of an effort. I can not live my life with the "what ifs" but this what if will forever be engraved in my head. Even though Jon and I were not the best of friends, we had an understanding of one another and we both knew that this friendship was on a great path toward the future.

I attended my first wake and it was one of the hardest things I had to deal with. People say that everything happens for a reason and when it comes to death it is so hard to find a reason. Since Jon left me, friends, family, I tried to search and find some type of positive. I found the positive of living my life the way Jon would have wanted me to. He encouraged me and was so proud of my education and made jokes about how I would be a teacher one day. I feel like I am not just doing this for me, but doing it for him. He made me proud and I know that I am trying so hard to make him proud of me. I try finding the positive in everything, in every part of my day and even at the end of the day I search for one positive aspect from my day. I am not taking anything, life, friends, family, or anything for granted. I want everyone to know how I feel. I want everyone to know how much I appreciate them, love them and care for them. I may not have been able to save Jon, but he saved me. He changed my life and it is so hard to put into words sometimes. I find myself re-evaluating my life and my relationships because of him, because of one soul, one person.

I will always miss you Jon. Our friendship did not end and your soul will never escape this world. You will never escape from my memory and my heart. I know you are still around and I hope that you will always be around to remind me that I have someone always looking after me. Thank you for changing my life, for making me a better person.

I love you and miss you.

Jonathan McEachern
December 26, 1986- November 30, 2007

Spread the Word Keep it Moving!

Jon's first love -
It's hard enough to think about him, see pictures, hear stories, or even talk to others about him, but writing about him scares the living shit out of me and I'm not sure why. Maybe because my heart throbs and I get all choked up. Either way, I just want all of you to know that no matter what, he is here.

I believe that he is within each and everyone of us and will remain with us until it is our time to meet with him. Each of us has something unique and different with him that we will remember him by. I know most of you think that I'm just his ex. True, but to be honest, I think of us as best friends who loved and cared for each other more than anyone else whether we made it known to others or not.

We both fought hard through our relationship but despite the breakup and things not working out we still held on to each other somehow. It was hard to do, but we managed to do it well. We kept in touch and knew deep down how we really felt about each other. I loved him more than anything.

We actually thought that one day we'd be married and have kids running around all crazy spraining ankles (Jon) and hungry little hippo's always eating (me). It hurts knowing that he no longer has the chance to fulfill that dream of his. Whether it was supposed to be with me or someone else, it didn't matter it still causes my heart to ache horribly. But it is okay.

As hard as it is to say that, it is. I know it is. Everything happens for a reason and although this was "not supposed to happen" and was truly unexpected to all of us, let's face it...IT HAPPENED. (I can't believe I just said that)
We can now learn from it.

Those of us who take life for granted.

Those of us who don't stand our ground and lend out a shoulder for others who aren't strong enough to lean on.

Those of us who just feel plain lost or lonely in life: YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Jon and I both went through feeling like that for a long time. We talked about it plenty of times but we reminded each other to stay strong and tried to help one another get through it. Who knew Jon and I were so close after the crap that happened between us. I loved him, still do, and always will. As much as I don't want to say this for the public to read, part of me wishes I never left his side as a girlfriend. I did love him, so why didn't I just suck up the crap and stay with him? Sometimes I feel like none of this would have happened. He told me I kept him in check.

Well what the hell? Did I fail? I know it's not my fault. They tell me it's a part of dealing with this and that sooner or later it will pass. I don't know if my heart will ever repair.

When I found out he passed away wearing the cross I bought him in High School I seriously thought my heart stopped beating. Eddie *Jon's step dad* was wearing it and asked if I wanted it back. Of course I did, but I felt that he needed it. Part of me wanted to run away with it crying, but a bigger part of me knew what to do. I let him keep it while teary-eyed. I may eventually get married and continue to live life, but it will never be the same. However I know he will always be with me. Jonny owns a huge part of my heart that no one will ever be able to replace, **Ever**

Keep your heads up high cause he's looking down on us wanting us to smile and take what happened, learn from it,spread the word, and keep moving.

Heather Jae Leeds

A poem I wrote the day before I flew out for the funeral:

In Memory Of Jon

You left without saying goodbye
And we’re not quite sure just why
All I know is it hurts me
And at times I need to cry

But now it’s all too late
I’ll wait till the day I die
To meet you up in heaven
For us again to see eye to eye

We were each others first love
It was so perfect and rare
Although things caused us heartache
You know I always did care

High school sweethearts defines us
We always stuck together
And I want you to know this Jonny
That this love will be forever

You used to call me bub
I always laughed and smiled
I’ll truly never forget
how you used to be so wild

I’ll miss you more than anything
More than words will ever express
But I want you to always remember one thing
I’ll never stop loving you any less

I now have a guardian angel
to always watch over me
His name is Jon McEachern
and he’s taught me all that I could be

I Love you Jon.

Jon's Friends ~ Feelings~ Post #3

Life Isn't A Ritual (WE ARE ALIVE!)

3:38am Today

I want to say something, but i don't know what to say. it's 3 in the morning, I'm sick, I can't sleep. Sure, we weren't the best of friends, but I knew you, and I knew you were a good soul, a sweet person with a great sense of humor, and most certainly a friend indeed. you were one of us man, and now one of us is gone.

I've been sick with a virus for about a week now and have been completely sober, due to my throat being as raw as an uncooked chicken (lol).

Given this opportunity, I've been able to think with a clear mind about my life, about my direction, about where I'm going.

I think about you all the time man. I question why you left us and what good, if anything, could come from this tragedy. I look back at my life and where I'm at and sometimes I feel sick to my stomach. I get this hopeless feeling like I have no direction, no purpose, I'm simply living to die. I'm not a walking zombie by any means: I have friends, family that loves and cares about me, I find things I am truly interested in and which keep me entertained and happy (music, movies, ex.). Yet, a part of me still feels lost, confused, and direction less. I feel like you and I have a lot in common, and I constantly consider how easy it is to make that one decision that could ultimately, negatively affect and alter the rest of my life.

Surely, we all feel the pressures of life.. sometimes all we need to do is talk about it, to someone at least, to gain a different perspective. This life we live is a constant learning experience. I'm at an age, 22, where I've never questioned my existence more so than any other time in what is my short life. I can't sleep because my mind races. I figure I've grown so accustomed to a certain lifestyle that is hard to break. I smoke *** inadvertently to mask the reality that is my ever shortening life.

Everyday I wake up to the same routine. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I know how easy it is to get caught up in the pain and difficulties of this world. I hate to say it, but I've felt hopeless countless times. I still question my purpose, but ultimately it is up to us to direct our lives. Living this turbulent and confusing life doesn't come with a manual, although it certainly would help. Sometimes we do not have the answers to our questions. I believe at this very point in time that I am at a crossroads. I've been living basically the same life for 5+ years now. I fear now that if I don't make a significant change in my lifestyle that I never will. I don't believe I personally would resort to the same things as you, but there are countless ways of subconsciously letting go of life. You could of got help, you could of been anything. I know this now, that I CAN do this. It isn't easy, but it CAN be done. I know that I need to change my habits, the ones that are slowly destroying me. I'm seeing outside of myself and I want change. And I miss you man, and I hate myself for what happened to you. I hate the circumstances of life that led to this very situation. My biggest fear is that I will wake up tomorrow and sink back into my monotonous lifestyle, that no change will come. "Be the change that you want to see in the world."

I'm going to make a difference in my life Jon.

I know things were hard for you, God knows I wish I could of helped. To do something. Anything. I still have myself and I know it isn't going to be easy, but than again I also know I MUST do this. For myself, for you, for my family.

Sometimes it's so easy for me to forget that I am alive. That this is all RIGHT NOW. That I do have the power to change and that every action and decision I make has an inverse affect. We all are living, even though sometimes it feels like a ritual. I am here right now and as long as I have that opportunity, I can make a difference. I'm 22, in a year I will be 23, than 24, and on and on. Even more so than the years are the days, the seconds.. every waking moment on this earth. To give something back to the world, to make a difference, an impact.

You have brought us together to remember the great amazing qualities you had, and the joy and happiness you brought to those around you. It makes me smile to see the affect you have on all these people.

Through your loss brings me life. My constant reminder that every moment matters, everything we do has purpose and meaning, and I have more ability and purpose than I give myself credit for. You will always be there as a reminder of a great soul who tragically fell down the wrong path. As long as your light shines, I shall use you as a guide.

Your a lighthouse hommie. R.I.P. and Love.

Jon's Friends ~ My Response

***- that was beautiful ~ *** thank you for posting your thoughts.

You all are connected & share a common bond now ~ Jon is gone ~ but lives inside each and everyone of you. Your duty to yourselves is to learn to cope with your feelings, learn to cope with the loss of your "friend". U need to communicate with each other, speak, explain to each other how you are dealing with this tragedy. Speak out like *** has ~ speak up like *** ~ this will begin your healing process. Get angry ~ get pissed off ~ get it OUT! Everyone grieves in different ways, but as you communicate amongst yourselves, you shall move on through the grief process & get to the great memories you have of Jon. I cannot possibly understand how you feel, as you cannot possibly understand how I feel. I have lost a part of my soul. I am Jon's mother ~ Jon was my son ~ children are not suppose to die before their parents.

I have started a blog for Jon ~ www.jdmachope.blogspot.com ~ with hopes of updating this my website which will be completely dedicated to everyone that has to deal with such a tragedy as this.

~ please feel free to post your comments ~ on his blog ~ I will publish them ~ as I am hoping someone will pass by & start their healing process as they read, realizing they are not alone.

Sincerely,
Momma Mac ~ U can officially call me that!
I am hugging all of U ~

Jon's Friends ~ Post #2

I feel this note is very well written and expressed as having the greatest sympathy for a lost friend. Its true the end of Jon's life was a downward spiral, tragic that he couldn't help himself, and tragic that others weren't there to intervene in his habits enough to save him.

Knowing that Jon was to pass away, everyone one of his friends would have been there to save him that night. Tho tragedy strikes like lightning, but you pay attention you'll see the forewarning darkness in the distance.

For Jon some may have seen this darkness but didn't yell loud enough, or decided to turn there backs hoping the clouds cleared in time.

I think to be angry is the exact sentiment one should have towards Jon's passing. I know I'm angry, not towards anyone person or persons, but for the fact that someone young and innocent got caught in the pull of addiction. I believe he wasn't shoved to the outskirts, but drawn to the outskirts by something that plagues the human race.

~ Jon's Friend ~

I found this beautiful tribute to your friend Jon this morning right after you posted it on Facebook ~ I bless sweetie for honoring my son with your words. He will always be a part of your soul ~
Love you, Momma Mac ~

It is still hard for me to believe that my friend is gone. I can say that he always wanted to have a good time and be free.

There are so many pressures in life that we all will feel at different times and in varying levels of intensity. I guess he had slowly been fed up with a lot of those pressures. His recent mistakes, and problems with getting past them had driven a lot of the guys that were supposed to be his friends away.

People were dependent on him, and kept pushing him to be more and more without giving him any of the resources. He went from being a carefree teenager to a stressed, overworked man trying to pay back his debts to society for a mistake.

Literal debts, monetary debts. He wanted to find his light in the sun. His passion; that one thing that he could do all the time and escape. He searched through the many mediums; frantically trying to escape from the world that became reality too quick. He wanted to stay young, stay easy going and live like the rest of his peers.

In my book the system swallowed him whole.
It started with court cases and arrests; then that led to further experimentation with intoxication, and he had completely believed all the rehab self help BS that he was born with this intrinsically 'real' problem and there are all these steps to deal with it.

Those steps are for uneducated people I may add.

All the while, these ''rehab'' places are breeding grounds for the down and out drug addicts of society; and he developed his worst habits there. He was able to rationalize his pill use as part of a "problem" instead of something he knew wasn't him and should not be done. These people he was living with now were at their lowest points. He was re-socialized into a bunch of people worse off than him.

I used to get angry when Jon told me stories about his recent ''progress'' at the inpatient facility. It was at it's worst two years ago when he would make these outlandish loopy calls to me proclaiming that "he really sees his soul, and he likes to cry sometimes".....drawing and painting childish pictures that reflected that of an untied man. He had spoke as though they were his new friends. I'm sure this is part of my coping process in some unknown matter; but I'm angry at a lot of people for the way they handled Jon.

He was a person and just wanted to be accepted. That seems like an odd idea to one who is a part of the group; but when your suddenly shoved to the outskirts---you may be able to see through his eyes.

Just some correspondence I received ~

Don't you ever hesitate to tell people what you need, because you have lots of friends and family who are more than willing to help you take the steps you need to get through the day. Walking in your shoes would be the be the most gut-wrenching pain that a mother could go through... pain that you should not feel isolated in dealing with. I love you, V ~ and I know lots of other people do, too!!!

I'm glad to see that you've been working on beads/jewelry stuff again. Your stuff is fabulous as always... I always think it shows a piece of you -- kinda like when you look at a painting from a famous artist and wonder what was going through their mind. I look at your jewelry and beads and its almost like a glimpse into your life at that moment in time... :) Scary, huh?!!! LOL!!!
But, really... you know what I mean. Your stuff has feeling behind it... not just the same thing cranked out over and over.

Anyway, I hope you are having a good day!

U know what I do with these email's -
I take a deep breath in read & and accept the kind wonderful words I am reading.

Sunday -

It's a sunny day today and for that I am grateful -

I have met a few new people in my life that share the same experience of grieving the loss of a child. I truly believe in my heart that no matter the circumstance in which you child has passed - whether i be accidental, suicide - or even homicide we all share a common bond. We all can help each other move to the next level, remember our children, and live our life as they would want us to -

I don't have to accept the fact now that my Jon is gone, I only have to learn to live with that fact.

He will always be with me, watch over me, and take care of me just in a different way that's all.

I wish you all who read this a "Sunny Happy Day"

I found this in Photobucket ~

Michael, Me & Jon - 2005 I think... Now I can go to bed happy..

Well I went and did it ~

I contacted the Oprah producers to see if I could get some help with regards to helping others through me - especially the children. Let's just hope they don't run with my idea as I did not give up to much in writing them. I just don't want to get burned, like I have in the past with my idea's.

The sun is out, but bitter cold outside. "HOW COLD IS IT YOU SAY" -
Just Too Cold for me............

Wish me luck with getting them to contact me back.

I know in my heart my Jon is not gone, the memories, the friends of his I see ~ the little things ~ he does lives on.

The petition is in the works to name the Skate Park after him, I should be able to get this done today.

One last thought ~ dream a little dream 4 me ~
Smiles 4 the day ~ mom

Another last thought - for those of you who try to force yourself before you are ready to do something you don't want to do - don't do it - grief takes time!
The loss of a child can be incomprehensible to some, even yourself.

I went to the book store on a mission today, I purchased the book I wanted. Strolling down the isles I of course got distracted ~ Drinking my Grande Breve Latte ( which I really can't afford ) from Starbucks and yes I can make it myself - see off topic I go again ~

"How a Person Dies" ~ not a good book for me to read at this stage of my grief, as the coroner hasn't come up with results yet.. my imagination left me filled with tears and sadness today.

Where am I now, laying in bed typing in the blog - resting my back as, yes I am such an Idiot for going outside in below zero weather which aggravated the arthritis in my spine.

Some of you may have heard me say this before, what doesn't kill ya makes ya stronger.. Growl - here me roar!

What I am finding out.

I am on an adventure today and adventure where I don't know how or where the day shall lead me, sometimes, I think to myself that this is everyday of my life lately. No matter where I go, to the grocery store, the bank ~ or just for a walk around the street to stretch my legs it's painful within my body, mind and spirit.

It's what way to early in the morning, still I have my coffee, take my medicine, relax for a while, and read through all my son's journal's. He has written the most beautiful stories, the most prolific thoughts I have ever read thus far at least the way I comprehend. A gift that he has left for me, for me to read, enjoy and learn. To gain knowledge of my son who left too soon, but helped so many.

Today, I have come to the realization that my son seems to have found inspiration from the girl he loved, his first love, his only love. His first girlfriend. Step back ( as he says it in his writings ) & the demon's in he had hidden in his soul.

Do you read the last page of a story or book first? I always do.

Today I share with you this. Today this is for her. I shall not mention her real name, as Jon did not either - most of his paper's were for school I am assuming.

July 5, 2001

"And I will always say I love Renee. I love the sunshine in her face. Her gaze of approval stokes my eyes, and I feel comfort. Bring me night, or bring me day...anything for my sweet Renee."
jon mceachern excerpt from journal entry.

Liz Long Making Soap Just 4 Jon

Well she went ahead and did it - she is mixing soap concoctions as well as mixing her glass -
Elizabeth Long Lampwork - Glass Bead Artist - Yep
My Friend is donating part of her profit to help support this blog.. Thank you Liz...

She's got Soap
She's got Beads

Dropping the Ball~

Well, most of the kids are back at school ~ so I am fending for myself trying to write what I need to write and do what I need to do.

More later, - Not a good day..

Never be afraid ~

I am feeling kinda like I am sitting on that dang pity pot - the pink one - yes it has to be pink, never liked pink until I started designing jewelry, then I got all that "PINK" glass from Mike Frantz ~ ugg ~

I still have not told everyone that Jon isn't here, that he is gone, that ~ OK ~ I will say it, Jonathan died.

Doesn't make me feel any better to type it out, those words of death. I don't really believe he is dead, well at least not in my mind.

I called a friend yesterday with hopes of being able to handle the conversation, well I was wrong. The both of us cried. I am much more lonely on the weekends, it is very hard for me to look at my daughter as I can't bear the fact of loosing her.

I remember that after two years, two flipping years ~ I ran into the nurse who helped me take care of ma when she was dieing of Cancer here at home.

She told me I didn't have to accept the fact that she was gone, dead, not here anymore ~ I just needed to know all I had to do was learn to live with that fact.

Oh the Pain ~

It is freaking Friday ~ ugg ~

I received this wonderful email ~

Please take note:
Partially quoted and edited by me to protect anonymity ~

Dearest Vonna,

While certainly I am not an expert on anything, I can share a bit of experience, strength and hope with you at this time. I found interesting the things people would do to avoid having conversation with me about my child ~~~~

It was as though they were afraid they might become infected with the death of a child of their own. Our experience in losing child ~~~~ only perpetrated their fear of losing their own child or children.

My husband and I were NOT able to discuss our feelings with each other for quite some time, as we were both reeling in our own sense of loss. I do not judge this, I only share this as an observation. You are correct in your assertion that time will change the immediate issue of your pain.

However, you have to, and I say this in a supportive and loving voice, honor your feelings. To pretend they do not exist denies your love for your son. Remember that each tear you cry, each smile you etch on your face, each memory and the feelings that accompany each memory are a tribute to your son. How wonderful that you FEEL as though part of you is gone, for that is the truth.

What I discovered for myself is that once the pain and longing for my child ~~~ diminished in intensity, my relationship with him changed. I still have a relationship with him. Sometimes I can feel him, very close. Sometimes I hear his voice in the voice of his siblings and nieces and nephews. I rarely share this with others, as we all have our own walk and experience with death.

So, part of you has gone, but it will return, I promise. One moment, sometime in your future, you WILL feel whole again. You are exactly how and where you are supposed to be at this moment. Nothing is out of order, nothing is chaotic, everything is perfect. Your pain is love. Your pain is the most intense manifestation of your love. Trust it, let it come and go, like the tide. Do what you must do to honor yourself and him.

I do not wish this experience on any parent. At the same time, parents have been dealing with the death of their children since the beginning of time. You will heal, you will survive, you will again thrive.

Forgive those closest to you who cannot offer you support or encourgement. Reach out to those who can.

Take good care of you, be gentle with yourself, and know you are an incredible mother.

Again, I would like to say ~ with hopes of others passing by, maybe just may one of these entries may just help someone Just like Me~

____________________________

Today, I am well, let's just say ~ I will take it minute by minute ~ Vonna

Let me ask you this question?

Have you ever just popped out of bed awake, bright eyed and bushy tailed with a smile on your face?

I can't remember the last time I did that or even if I ever have done that. It's 6am; a little late for my normal schedule. Not being able to work due to certain circumstances like my health & the current events in my life, my sleep schedule is way to crazy ~ or maybe it is because I am getting old.

Whatever that reason is it really doesn't matter. I am awake. I have my coffee, no one is up yet and time for me to get some thoughts down.

You say "Get to the point lady"~ well, ha ~ patience is a virtue ~ of which I certainly don't have. My friends know this very well.

I woke this am with a splitting headache ~ and a very strange thought about a friend of mine, it could of been a dream ~ I think not.

I emailed that friend last evening to inform of a certain project I was working on. I was frustrated at the time I wrote this email and did not even think to ask how my friend was doing. Not good is what I found out as I read the response email ~ this friend of mine lost her child to an overdose also. Her son was just about my son's age also. I speak to her often, well not enough I guess, not enough as I should ~ as this friend of mine has emailed me everyday since this happened ~ a friend I don't know in person ~ a friend who I have come to respect just through emails, due to the love, caring, and insight I have received as we are both in the same situation.

I honor this friend and all the others I have met or not met of whom you will get to know as the days pass, and yes they pass slow ~ at least for me at this time.

My son's death is too fresh in my mind. I still see him every night when I close my eyes & not with the happy smile on his face, or that gleam in his eyes. What I see is my child laying on a bed dead.

I urge anyone that passes by this blog to seek out other's, or listen to other's that have found you that have had the same experience. No matter what that experience is.

Listen to them, they understand what you feel, they understand what you are going through. No one can feel the way you do, nor can you feel the way someone does if you have not been it the same situation.

We both have lost children ~ young adults not prepared to face life in the way we all know it. Sick children; yes our children had a disease ~ it is not your fault.

My daughter just woke up and it is time for her to get off to school and me to be a mom.
Thanks for reading, I shall be back later.

First more coffee........

My Other Son ~ Michael McEachern

HE CHANGED HIS NAME ~ HA!

Michael McEachern ('06 fiber), now known as Michael Restivo, is collaborating with Present magazine to host a "red carpet" fashion event from 6 to 10 p.m. this Friday, Oct. 6, at 18th and Wyandotte in the Crossroads Arts District.

5 Stages of Grief

Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance ~ Maybe a little today ~

I found this last night on google ~
2003 Triton Award Contest

First Place Group
3rd period Printing/Graphic Arts Class Level II Lithographic Presswork
Kyle Bernicky
Steven Cavaligos
Benjamin Cohen
Kevin Kamen
Gregory Kim
Edward Maciejczyk
Sean Madigan
Bradley Marshall
Jonathan McEachern
Joshua Melinger
Dmitriy Ofrikhter
Koonal Patel
Kirill Pustilnik
Shane Serafin
MichaelWeinstein

The 5 stages of the Grief Process # 1 Denial

Denial ~
Last night I looked for my son all over the house, I was even ready to take the car and go looking for him ~ his car phone is with the coroner so I did not have any phone numbers of any of his friends to call. I tore apart his closet, looking, just looking for some clue as to where he could have gone. I tried to calm down, I paced, I cried, I hide like a child in the corner ~ I miss you Jonathan my son ~ I just want to know when you will be coming home.
I think I finally fell asleep around 4am..

It's gloomy outside today, and today as far as I am concerned ~ I can't wait til tomorrow.

Bargaining

Anger

Despair

Acceptance

Maybe I don't read enough ~ maybe other parents don't either ~

I would like to know ~ Wouldn't you?

CLICK HERE~

Operation Smack Attack

'Operation Smack That' Nets Alleged Suburban Heroin Dealers
3 Deaths Prompted Months-Long Investigation

POSTED: 11:08 am CST November 30, 2007 ~ This is the day my son died....

WAUKEGAN, Ill. -- Authorities revealed Thursday that the investigation into the heroin ring run by a gang from Chicago along Green Bay Road in Waukegan started after three deaths from heroin overdoses.

Click here
to read the full article from NBC News WMAQ-TV Chicago